I’m so desperate to know who I am and what I’m attracted to, god I’m so desperate to know it’s not me. I can handle the thoughts and images as long as I know it’s not me. It just feels so real
It does feel extremely real honey. It really does. But the more real it feels the less it’s you? I know that it sounds so silly but it really isn’t you. But the best thing to do is say ‘yep. I’m the worst. I want to think about this more. Come on thoughts do your worst’. I SWEAR TO YOU if you do this, they will have less and less hold on you. You’ve just got to be okay with being uncertain and I know it’s annoying but you can do it. Please try ALI GREYMOND on YouTube and ‘OCD and anxiety’ channel with Nathan Peterson. They changed my life
@katieR94 Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate hearing that it’s a mutual experience. I can’t get over how real it feels xx
@Anonymous . I REALLY understand haha we need to give ourselves some kindness and understanding sometimes ☺️
@katieR94 Any chance you have any socials I could contact you on? Sorry but that was such a helpful comment and it didn’t trigger me and this app rlly triggers me cos people are very graphic 😂😅😅 and I would love to have someone to help me feel less lonely. No worries if notxxx
@Anonymous . I actually have no socials at all because socials trigger me 😂😂 but can you message me on here? Not sure how this works 😂
@Anonymous . I’ve followed you on here so if you post I’ll comment best I can! But you can’t keep looking for reassurance! It’s the WORST thing for ocd! Check out those channels I mentioned!
@katieR94 Can you on here hahaha it’s been so long since I was on the app cos I was good for about 8 months and it’s back to be fun. Yeah it sucks im trying so hard to resist compulsions but this relapse is kind of like hitting me so hard. Like it just feels like it’s me. I rlly want to be okay and know myself :)
@Anonymous . I know it’s awful. I’m currently sat right now breathing on my living room chair and I’m CONVINCED that if I breathe too hard it’ll assault people upstairs. So I’m doing it on purpose. I’m done with fighting ocd. But MY GOD is it terrifying. Scares me more than anything in the world. But I’m doing it. I’m risking it. Because the ocd is worse than the risk xx
@katieR94 That’s so so inspirational. You’re brill! We all are, like it’s insane how impressive we are. My worst compulsions are checking (I check ages and then go “do I like you” 😂) and rumination to make sure I’m not this person and it’s literally all day everyday at the moment. But I think it’s not a “relapse” because I didn’t use the tools properly. I just had so much to distract myself and ROCD became the main theme but then I got over that and POCD was like hiiii I’m here.
@katieR94 I can’t get over how the attraction feels so real and normal xx
Yeh but it’s okay if you had a relapse! My god I’ve had at least 50 😂😂 but I’ve had other obsessions like ‘Am i assaulting my dog’ and so on. Mines just SOCD I think it’s what mine clings to. It’s so so hard and feels INCREDIBLY real. Ocd and real feelings are completely indistinguishable. Please give the YouTube’s a go ive sent! It got me to where I am ☺️
@katieR94 I will give those YouTube videos a go! I’m a little scared of YouTube, I guess part of me is worried it will say I don’t have OCD or it will give me a new thought/image to have if that makes sense. But I guess that’s what exposure theory is all about!! :) but yeah no I think that’s the only way I can move on is to stop trying to get 100% certainty it’s not me … easier said then done
@Anonymous . I know it’s awful. I can promise these videos will not trigger you. They are educational and helpful and make you feel like someone understands you. They got me out of a VERY dark place. I’m still under a mental health team and awaiting therapy but these videos have made an extreme difference to my life! I’d never recommend them if I didn’t full believe them!
@katieR94 Brilliant! Thank u so so so much x
I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??
Sometimes it feels like I’m chasing pleasure with my intrusive thoughts. Like I just keep thinking them over and over, or even making them worse, because maybe deep down I *want* them. And that’s honestly scary. It feels like I’m trying to prove I’m a bad person or even a p*dophile just to see if I feel disturbed enough for it to count as “real distress.” But sometimes, I don’t even feel that bad. Sometimes it’s just… nothing. Because if I don’t feel guilty or sick enough, doesn’t that mean I like it? That I want to keep thinking about it? Sometimes it feels like I like it. And that’s when I spiral the hardest. But lately, I’m starting to think maybe I’m not actually chasing pleasure. Maybe I’m just chasing certainty. This desperate need to feel bad enough to prove to myself I’m a good person. And when I don’t feel that level of distress, I panic. I do compulsions, just trying to force that feeling. But it never feels “right.” It never feels enough. And I get stuck in this loop of testing, checking, pretending to be okay with these awful thoughts just to see how I’ll react. It’s confusing. It’s exhausting. And it makes me question everything about myself. But I think I don’t actually want these thoughts. Maybe I just want to know, with 100% certainty, that I don’t. If you’re stuck in the same cycle, I see you. You’re not alone. You’re not your thoughts. You’re just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. And that’s okay.
I keep getting thoughts of this 6 year old kid n I don’t know what to do, they keep coming and they give me a sense of attraction, I don’t wanna be attracted to kids, it feels too real as well, I feel a need to check if I was attracted or not constantly, and it genuinely feels like attraction, please help me I don’t wanna be a pedo. Whenever I try to think abt something romantic or about someone my age I’m actually into, that kid keeps popping up.
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