blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

Pet harm ocd

So I was lying in bed trying to relax & one of my kitties came jumped on the bed, she started rubbing against me and purring. I no longer avoid my cats, so I started petting her and kissing her normally but then intrusive thoughts came out of the blue, telling me to hurt her and do horrible things. I felt disgusted but petting her & giving her love as if nothing happened. Now I feel so guilty as if I already hurt my cat, which obviouly didn't happen. I love my kitty so much, she's so innocent & beautiful, I don't deserve her. This illness is pure evil, I hate my brain and I feel psycho. Why tf can't I be normal?!!

Harm OCD

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

i use to have them about my family when i was little and it scared me so bad. i’d picture terrible things or wish terrible things that i never actually wanted and id feel guilty as if i had actually done it or wanted to but i didn’t. i would feel so much guilt i started to tell my mom because i also didn’t understand it. she comforted me to the best she could but i knew it probably scared her and that hurt me more. anyways moral of the story you’re not alone and i feel the same way and maybe someone else will stumble across this and feel some kind of comfort knowing that they’re not the only one who thinks this way because for me personally im not better at all. i struggle almost everyday and i still feel so alone but it is kinda comforting knowing im not the only one who does this. that there is other people who struggle like i do. it makes me feel a little less alien and crazy.

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

just typing that and “admiting” that makes me feel sick because i’ve never heard anyone else say they’ve had it about ones they love but this is somewhat in that category because it’s about a living thing you love so maybe me sharing some of my thoughts can bring you some comfort in knowing that you’re truly not alone and you’re not psycho.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

Feel free to share your thoughts here. Thank you for you comments, harm ocd is a horrible theme & it always goes towards the ones we love or care about :(

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 thank you you’re amazing❤️ and of course. and it truly is horrible especially since i’m a very sensitive person. i have big feelings a me LOTS of them. so i think that’s why it makes it harder for me to ignore them at times.

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@Dmalecke and*

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dmalecke I totally feel you! i'm very sensitive as well, so this sh*t has such a horrible effect on me...I'd rather die or be tortured before I hurt my cats or anyone I love. My cats are my life, literally, and ofc this sh*t had lo latch on to them 😫

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 I just feel so guilty for even letting the thoughts in when my cat was beside me purring & being all cute and that

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 I have never hurt my cat and never will

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 After this happened the guilt was so much that I picked her up again, gave her a kiss and apologized for having those thoughts!!

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 trust me i feel this. i fight them but as soon as they flood in i feel weak minded and truly feel like im losing to myself but just try to remember that’s not actually you allowing them in it’s just the illness fighting against you. that’s the best way i can put it

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dmalecke That's exactly how it feel for me! like as soon as I start to fight the thoughts they get worsd, I start gettimg scared and weak like they are stronger than me.

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 does anything trigger yours? like stress or do you get them even when you’re fine

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dmalecke I get them most when i'm stressed, like if I had a bad day or an argument with someone, or if i'm in my period and such, but I can also get them out of the blue when i'm having a good time or relaxing or had a good day without or barely any ocd thoughts at all and ofc they ruin the moment and the whole day entirely when they pop up

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 ME TOO. mine are most dominant i guess when im stressed, about to start my period, and on my period but i still get them randomly too. however im able to control them a little better when im in a better mindset.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 After having an ocd I feel severe depression and hopelesness

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 me too.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 How long have you had this for? I've had ocd all my life 😫

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 i started getting it at some point in middle school and i’m now 19 gonna be 20. so for probably 8-9 years. the youngest was when it was my worst because everyday, every second my mind was thinking horrible things i could never catch a break and i couldn’t control it at all not even a little bit.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 Omg same...like when you're much younger it's even worst bc u don't know what is happening to u or if anyone else feels the same. I remeber when I had my frist harm ocd though, I was like 8 yrs old!! It was about my mum and it happened bc I saw a traumatizing scene im movie at the cinema, of a guy who k*lled his mom... So yeah, I remember also there was a point in my life when I would be picturing horrific things happening to my loved ones all day long

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 i think mine also sparked from seeing things and hearing things from others. i also had a lot of friends who struggled around me mentally at a young age and that really impacted me. as much as i wish we both didn’t experience this its relieving to hear you’ve had similar thoughts. when you obsess over bad thoughts do they ever feel real to you because of how much your mind repeats them? that’s how it feels for me. even though deep down i know it isn’t real my mind almost plays games and is like “but your repeatedly thinking of it, it must be real”. ITS FRUSTRATING. it’s seriously like a whole other person is inside me and i’m fighting with them.

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 and it scares me still to this day

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 Yes, my thoughts feel very real and I always question everything , like why must I be thinking them if I don't liek them, thinking that means there is like a hidden truth behind them. The thoughts feeling real is so terrifying!

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 it makes me sick feeling that way. i know truly deep down they aren’t but my mind plays games. i just hope to get better and i hope you can too even if it takes a long time❤️

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 It will always try to convince u they're real. Like, this disorder is so fckng messed up I can't believe it 😫😫😫😢

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 I sincerely hope we find peace and recovery soon. I've been dealimg with this ham ocd flare up since June last years, so you can imagine, it has stolen and ruined almost a full year of my life and that feeling is so depressing 💔

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 Last year*

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 me too🥲 and thank you for listening to me rant🫶🏻

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 I still feel so guilty about the thoughts with my kitty earlier, I feel like I can't enjoy anything and will be ruminating for days and i'm just so sad, idk how to get past this :(

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 you love your kitty and you don’t actually want that. it’s just your head messing with you and you know what proves that? you felt guilt and immediately held your cat and were loving on it which shows you care. try to distract your mind from it. maybe read? play a video game? or listen to music and clean. something you enjoy. i know sometimes even the distractions don’t help and the thoughts sneak their way in but it’s always good to at least try before letting them take over. sometimes it helps me not all the time but sometimes.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

@Dlhm04 Thank U sm, this really made me feel so much better <3

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 i’m glad🥲❤️

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

and i’m proud of you for sharing this because i’m sure it wasn’t easy

Dlhm04

Date posted: 1y

but you could be helping someone by sharing this in not feeling alone and potentially yourself with time

ameliahope

Date posted: 1y

you’re not alone! before my dog passed, i would constantly imagine hurting / committing a sexual act against her, and it was so distressing and scary. i hope you heal and recover soon. 🩷

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 22w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Scared to interact with my cat because of zocd

NSFW 17f So basically I did something sexual to the cat when I was younger. It wasn't like full on bestiality, my privates weren't touching the cat and I wasn't touching the cats privates but it was still sexual. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. It didn't harm the cat in any way, but of course it's still horrible. So I developed real event ocd that ruined my life complitely. Most of the time I don't think I will male it to 20. Sometimes it's a living hell. I developed it more than a year ago and I barely even remember this year cause I was so consumed with guilt it was the only thing in my head. So i also developed zoophilia ocd because of it. And I feel so bad cause I can't interact with my cat anymore. Because she wants to and I have to ignore her. Slowly I started to be scared to let her on my bed. So I stopped. Then in my room. Stopped doing that too. I still tried to give her some attention just outside of my room. Then I got scared to touch her. So I stopped doing that, but I used her brush to pet her with it and her toys to play with her so i don't physically touch her. Then my ocd went like but what if you are subconsciously using her for sexual gratification when you look at her? So now I can't even look at my cat. I look away when she is around, block my sight with a hand, close my eyes or if I can I leave. But the heartbreaking part is. Before I remembered what I did I was giving my cat a lot of attention. Like everyone says I'm her favorite and she only allows me to hold her and pet her the certain ways. So for all that time she is desperately trying to get my attention. She jumps on my rooms door, meows for a long time, tries to sneak in my room and stuff like that. And It's so sad I just have to ignore her. Especially cause she doesn't understands why. She was getting so much love and then randomly she is being ignored?? idk her real age cause we took her from the street, but she lives with us for 13 years, so she is not young. She is pretty healthy so I don't think she is going to die any soon but still. if I never get over it she will spend her last years of life ignored. and this makes me want to cry and want to throw up. but I don't know what to do. if I touch her I start freaking out and convincing myself that I used her somehow for sexual stuff even if I didn't do anything like that. I'm so scared. and also sad for her. and I miss my cat tbh. like everhtime I have to close my door when she tried to enter I feel so bad. but I'm so scared. because after what I did to her I'm already a monster. I don't want to add anything else. but I also feel bad for ignoring her.

emma345

Date posted: 16w

Please help zocd

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

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Pet harm ocd

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