ECM17

Date posted: 1y

Down the Rabbit Hole

I changed my baby’s name amidst a postpartum panic attack and ocd episode. We immediately changed it back (she’s a month old now), but now her birth certificate will say it was amended. I am so happy we changed it back bc we love her name. I didn’t want her to have a name we didn’t love and picked in a low moment for me. But now, I am really worried about the repercussions this will have on her as she goes to get a job, married, apply for a license, etc. So even though I feel we made the right choice to give her the original name she was born with, I’m down a rabbit hole of the ramifications of that. How do we avoid going down this rabbit hole? I don’t want to live like this forever and think about it all the time as she grows up; fearing for the worst.

Perfectionism OCD

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y

This will be one of her stories that she will tell during her life. Good job.

ECM17

Date posted: 1y

@NotSoNewb82 That’s what my husband says. He says it’s a funny story and we just went back to her original name not like 5 changes. So hopefully that’s true!

ECM17

Date posted: 1y

@NotSoNewb82 Thank you!

Anonymous12

Date posted: 20w

Hey im struggling with this exact thing currently..

ECM17

Date posted: 19w

@Anonymous12 Uhhh I’m so sorry. After months of asking ppl for reassurance, searching baby name apps, googling everything under the sun, and changing her name (which led to its own version of self-torture) I can truly say imaginary scripting is the only thing that got me through. I did scripts about her hating her name, about her finding out that we changed it, etc. it is the only way I was able to move on. If you need more suggestions I’m happy to help bc you are not alone

Anonymous12

Date posted: 19w

@ECM17 Im currently having this feeling of like and urgency to change it. I cannot stop thinking about it all day. I also have magical thinking ocd so i feel like if i keep it, it means certain things about my baby.. Its so time consuming the only thing stopping me from changing his name is that my husband disagrees…

Anonymous12

Date posted: 19w

@ECM17 I am going to try the scripts..

ECM17

Date posted: 19w

@Anonymous12 This is exactly how I felt, but you must know that that will just be a compulsion. I had no idea about that at the time and I wish I had. It brought me relief for a second and then made everything much much worse for me. I wish I had know about the scripting much sooner. I got very specific at scripting my biggest fears with it. Also, congratulations on your baby. Better days are ahead

Anonymous12

Date posted: 18w

@ECM17 Thank you! Its very hard to know if its my ocd or perhaps i really dont like the name but its weird because i loved the name before my son was born.. and now i cant stop obsessing over any little thing wrong with the name..

ECM17

Date posted: 18w

@Anonymous12 Hi! Just checking in to see how you’re doing.

Anonymous12

Date posted: 18w

@ECM17 Still struggling, cant decide wether to keep or change his name. Feel like i have to decide now

ECM17

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous12 Hi! How old is your baby? Hope you are doing well. I know it’s hard and I kept feeling if I just thought about it harder and longer the right answer would come to me and I’d feel better, but it didn’t. I wish that when I changed my baby’s name briefly, I realized I wasn’t doing it because I liked Ava better than Olivia, but because I was actually looking for relief from the distress I was feeling. Maybe that’s something you can ask yourself even though it’s hard to know when you’re stuck in it

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Anony1314

Date posted: 16w

Same mom. Same issue.

TW- POCD people only please. Am I a criminal hiding behind a diagnosis? I woke up in the middle of the night breathing and I was having groinals because she laying across me. My mind told me I had already hurt her so might as well do something else. I then was like well I have nothing to lose and I had to think of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards her groin area to cause a feeling. Well I did that and my elbow touched her groin and caused an unwanted feeling. I then immediately asked my child to move. After that, I went back to sleep but I believe in a state of shock as to what happened. I woke up panicking completely thinking I have done ruined my life. I was going to prison and would lose my child. Since then, I haven't stopped ruminating. I have had days where I feel okay, but then there are days where I can't stop crying. Thinking I don't deserve my child, and I deserve to be in the ground. I was on a new medication that was causing me to spiral and giving me insomnia during this time. I wasn't getting much sleep at all. Since then, I've slept on the floor, and I eventually got my child to sleep in their own bed to avoid this happening again. I got off the medication and feel so much better with my thoughts and sleeping so much better. My daughter tells me how wonderful I am often, but I don't feel that I even deserve to celebrate Mother's Day this year. I'm not a good mom. I was four months ago before I spiraled. What's wrong with me? (edited)

POCD

mamabear0202

Date posted: 11w

Irrational fears as a mom.

Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.

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