Its like i can freaking feel myself turning gay

I can relate to this im so exhausted. I dont know if I already am but just suppressing it.

Good to know my life is gonna be like dis forever?? damn wtf did i get myself into

You’re gonna have to accept that it’s a possibility so you get bored of worrying about it so much !! Just know that recovery is possible , as your mind and brain can be trained to develop a more positive thinking pattern which would make the anxiety way less strong. Think of it this way , if you can go from feeling normal to horrible at one specific point in time ( The very beginning of your OCD journey ) then you can work towards going back to normal as long as you don’t put pressure on yourself and change your thinking process.

I have been struggling with common situation for 25 years. It's a very difficult condition and very torturing

Ik you think that right now and so do I but im hoping eventually it will get better.

I dont want this i want it gone removed deleted and forgotten i dont want it on and off i dont wanr ir 25 years i fucking cant believe that its not able to just en cured. This shit got me so mad because it screws my brain up entirely and im freaking done and why does this have to make life sooo damn hard. I dont want to be married and have children while having hocd. Once that was my biggest dream but if its with hocd i dont want none of it because its not the real me who is raising my children and its not the real me whose loving my husband. Im not me when hocd is present

@hocdgirlsummer. I know you don’t want that. I suffered in silence for a long time from 18-27 with those 3 versions of OCD. I take medication now and have since but now I really need to do ERP.

@kent79. How old are you. I’ve been dealing with it off and on for 20 years since age 18. I’m married with 2 kids so that always scares me too. I dealt with POCD and Harm OCD as well.

@BP1982 With all of the doubts from hocd how did you get to the point where you were confident enough to marry your wife? I'm looking to move in with my boyfriend, but I have intrusive thoughts that keep saying that I'm gay or that I don't really love him. I know they're not true, but they're super terrifying.

@hateocd123 It was hard. Like I said though the thoughts have waxed and waned over the years. It’s been a lot harder recently. Maybe because of stress with the new baby, but my most recent trigger was watching Bohemian Rhapsody for some reason. I don’t really have any suggestions on what to tell you about moving in with your boyfriend. https://www.ocdbaltimore.com/hocd-sexual-orientation-ocd-denial/ This article is very informative though.

@BP1982 I am forty years old