You guys, I’m having a really bad day. I’ve been feelings so insecure about myself lately. I feel just so bad, I don’t want to be considered boyish or anything. Especially because of this whole hocd thing. But today I was really struggling with my clothes, and I cried. Then just now a boy called me and I quote a “dyke” and that just hurt me (sorry if I offend anyone, not my intentions). But then he said “oh no a rocker girl” and idk that kinda just hurts because im so insecure and I’m going through hocd and it’s making me feel worse about how people view me this way when it just feels like I’m not any of those things. So I just really hate these past few days. I am not looking forward to waking up in the mornings anymore. I hope everyone is having a good day.

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments