aha moment?

has anyone else done this? today i got presented with one of my triggers, but when i first saw it i didn’t immediately feel the feeling i’d grown to associate with being triggered. normally had i been confronted by my trigger, i’d get a pit-like feeling in my stomach, heart racing, anger, and dissociation. today i looked at it and thought “huh, i don’t really feel triggered, but i know i should be. should i be mad at this?” the nature of my trigger is one that concerns my relationship, and this is where i made a mistake. i told my partner, “i can’t decide if i should be mad about this or not.” and that opened the flood gates to a 2hr long conversation surrounding my obsession and triggers. i feel really bad for not taking the opportunity to disengage from my habitual response. i didn’t feel triggered initially, but i triggered myself out of habit, because i “should” be triggered. i feel like recently my ocd has been dying off, at least this particular obsession. i haven’t really been doing any of my compulsions, and it’s not on my mind as often. regardless, i’m still really scared to accept that it is what it is and it’ll always be there. when given the opportunity to disengage or stay, i chose to stay. i hate that i did that. it felt like an aha moment, though. maybe this was necessary. a fight with my partner over something i chose to be upset about because it has historically been upsetting. do you ever feel like your ocd tries to get your attention even more when it’s dying off? how do you proceed without reaffirming the ocd when presented with a circumstance like this one? do you ever trigger yourself out of habit rather than because it really strongly bugs you ?

Relationship OCD

Username: daisybaydaisybay

Date posted: 32w ago

I’ve begun to tell myself that I dont have to do anything I dont want to. I feel the need to give in to a compulsion, and I remind myself I dont have to. Remind yourself you don’t have to. You may feel like you need to or you should, but in reality if you don’t want to, the choice is yours.

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 32w ago

I think one of the things we need to anticipate is how OCD is also a learned “habit” of how we react. When we may not feel the anxiety of the trigger we also need to realize that we have trained or brains to act in a certain way so that reminder may still be there. Think if it as a bad habit to get over.

Username: scottyboy

Date posted: 5y ago

Is ocd just a coping mechanism for resisting feelings you don’t like? Something has occurred to me in my recovery process. I’ve spent years fighting my feelings and thoughts. I tried everything - meditation, yoga, Cbt, somatic experiencing, Ativan. I wanted to escape the pain I felt and the anxiety and bad thoughts. Now that I think about it, my dad turned to alcohol for that and maybe I turned to OCD. I always had general anxiety as a kid, some depression too. Over the years, my anxiety attacks and panic attacks decreased, however my ocd has gotten completely out of control. The last few weeks I’ve been working on exposures to anxiety and my thoughts. It’s horrible stuff because I have to let myself just feel the anxiety attack and all of the horrible sensations (including derealization!). Just ride it out and let it do it’s thing. However I noticed that when I get anxious these days if I just let it do it’s thing it’ll peak and come down after some time. And I actually feel some relief afterwards. It feels very natural. The old me would try to squash it using Compulsion strategies to escape that feeling. Has anyone else encountered the notion that OCD might be a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult feelings you don’t like?

"Pure" OCD

Username: Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Feelings

It’s so weird how OCD just comes about with no explanation, out of nowhere. My issue has been feelings. I have moments of hyper focusing on feelings, trying to figure them out, and it’s exhausting. Logically, I know that what I’m going through with the things happening in my life (relationship ending that was abusive, my father just getting diagnosed with dementia, etc) would make anyone feel the way I do. But I keep trying to fight my feelings. “Normally, old me” would embrace them and let them be. Ever since my OCD returned, I can’t help but fixate on them and stress even more. It’s almost like my emotions and the way we are as humans in my mind has become even more of a problem than the problems themselves. Can anyone relate? I am doing my best with ERP. I definitely helps. But I’m still waking up not feeling like myself and it hurts.

"Pure" OCD

Username: divyD

Date posted: 2y ago

Do you ever

Have moments of clarity where you know for sure your fear is absolutely your ocd making you upset and repeatedly getting you to give in your compulsions? Then the rest of the time, it’s like your brain doesn’t work at all and your fear is absolutely true or possibly true, of which the possibility is something you can’t/won’t accept. Do you ever have fantastic days where you hardly ruminate, do your compulsions, and the intrusive thoughts seem to be diminishing. You know you have to face your trigger at some point that say but you don’t want to because you’re having such a good day. But you know by avoiding it, you’re not going to improve so you face it, and then bam! You get stuck in your spiralling thoughts and behaviours again?

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