Real event (False Memory OCD) I need help pls

So I’ve been reverting back to seeking reassurance constantly because I think I sexually harassed someone I was seeing over the phone when I was 14. If I recall, I asked her at first if she wanted to have phone sex and she said yes. (The thing about this event was that she hummed her response, which I didn’t think was questionable at the time bc my parents would sometimes hum to me as a form of a response to something casual, and vice versa.) After she said yes, it went on for some time and then I noticed my memory of it got very foggy and there were some parts where I asked her if we could have phone sex and she said no. But something about the memory was strange, because I remember being confused at her responses. It wasn’t that I thought she could never say no to me, but that she would say yes and no back and forth which got me very confused from what I remember, but I doubt that this actually happened to this day which feeds into my anxiety a lot. And then I felt confident in myself to ask again shortly after and she said no again (but I’m starting to think she said yes and then said no after I asked if she wanted to keep going.) This is the part in the memory that makes me feel bad about myself because I notice that it’s very wrong to do something like that and I didn’t think of it as bad in the moment which pretty much sucks I guess. So after she said no, this is the part where I got a little upset (I didn’t show it to her obv) bc I was confused. So instead of asking her immediately again, I decided to wait a really long time out of respect for her, (during that span of time, I would try and make flirty comments to her which were consensual) so that I wouldn’t do any harm to her. After a long while passed, I asked her again if she wanted to have phone sex to see what her next response was: if it was a no, then I’d end the call, if it was a yes then I’d stay and basically—yeah. So she said yes (which I’m afraid might not have been enthusiastic at the moment.) And I believed her so we went on, and then at one point I was getting bored and so I kept on having phone sex with her just to please her and then I remember staring at a church from across my house while having phone sex with her (at this point I was just touching myself with no communication involved.) And then I stopped touching myself for her and just did it for myself, and then at one point I noticed she was probably asleep. So I called her name hoping she was awake and she seemed tired so I ended the call and said that “consent mattered to me.” And after the call was over, I went to bed and was pretty happy about the experience but then the thought that I might’ve raped her crossed my mind and I got terrified and so I asked her through text. I was feeling pretty anxious in the moment and then I fell asleep (this event happened at night btw.) The next morning occurred and she responded to me saying that I didn’t rape her which I felt pretty relieved about. But this memory has haunted me for the longest time. Cause it seems so possible that I might’ve pressured her to have sex with me. I’ve been constantly ruminating about this memory for years and I always come to the conclusion that my interpretation of it is false and that I just don’t want to look like the bad guy even though I genuinely ruminate to look for answers and not to pretend that I’m the good guy. Sometimes I think it’s just real event OCD bc I think that I actually did do something wrong but I just feel intense guilt over it which somehow makes it OCD for some reason. Anyways, I feel like my experience with this type of OCD feels so alienating and overwhelming, I feel like I’m the only person in the world with this specific type of OCD and that nobody will understand my experience. I just want to feel like I’m not evil or alone in this experience.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

False memory ocd Help Please

Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty

dee012

Date posted: 25w

false memory ocd :(

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Real event or false memories

I’m reaching out for educational and self-awareness purposes, hoping to better understand something I’ve been mentally struggling with for several years. Around five years ago, I began having a deeply distressing memory involving the fear that I may have acted inappropriately toward my younger sister when I was around 13–14 years old. The details are vague, fragmented, and unclear—but ever since this thought first appeared, I’ve treated it as if it were a real event. I’ve carried immense guilt, fear, and anxiety for years, convinced that I must have done something horrible. Despite asking my sister (who remembers absolutely nothing, has never shown signs of discomfort, and has told me more than once that she would’ve spoken up if anything had happened), the doubt and guilt never went away. The memory feels real, yet there is no external confirmation, no direct recall, and no evidence beyond my own mental images and fear. I’ve also struggled with obsessive thoughts in other areas, such as health anxiety since childhood—frequent doctor visits, checking my pulse, obsessing over illness—and only recently learned about false memory OCD, which aligns with my experience. I’m not currently seeking therapy but would greatly appreciate your professional opinion from an educational perspective: Does this sound more like a real memory, or more likely a false memory created by OCD or anxiety-related mechanisms I am stuck between a normal person or a s*xual abuser

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Real event (False Memory OCD) I need help pls

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