- Date posted
- 1y
breakup + ocd
has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates
has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates
100%. I went through a rough breakup with my ex and favorite person at the time because of a lot of different stressors affecting me. After the fact I ruminated a lot on if it was the right decision or not. The conclusion i came to was yes, the way I chose to go about it wasn’t the best but it was the right decision for me. I think of your experiencing self doubt about your choice you can try a few things. Meet the doubts with uncertainty “was this the right decision? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell.” you can also try listing pros and cons. Having a list to visualize your reasoning for ending things with this person can help to reassure you that staying with them wasn’t in your best interest. Hope this helps!
@KarsynJ thankyou so much for your help , i know you said you came to the conclusion that it was the right decision, but did you ever experience anything like your ocd got overwhelming in the relationship and it would be easier for yourself to not be with them? i feel guilty in this way because i feel as though my ocd got worse within the relationship.
@Sunflowers44 Absolutely. I actually kind of think my ocd was partially responsible for the breakup. Not that that’s a bad thing. Because of my trauma I lean towards trusting my gut when it tells me to run. In the moment I really didn’t know why I wanted to break up with him. Now I have the vocabulary to explain why but at the time I didn’t, I was stressed, about to graduate, I’d been dating an anxiously attached manipulator for a year, everything was happening at once and he was smothering me. I was spiraling, my intrusive thoughts were spiraling, my relationships with my ex and my friends were spiraling. It was a really confusing and difficult time in my life. I’m still recovering from it now, even though it happened over a year ago, I’ve made a lot of progress but progress isn’t linear. I spent months ruminating on whether or not it was the right decision, what I did wrong, what he did wrong, all I wanted was closure, and I’ll tell you right now I never got the closure the old me wanted. I had to create my own. Even through all the hurt he put me through, I never got an apology, and that’s something I just had to come to terms with. I had to make a choice, I could choose to cave in on myself, replaying the same conversations in my mind that I wish I could’ve had over and over making small changes until I get it just right. Typing paragraphs in my notes trying to organize my thoughts just right, cover every detail, making every point and every emotion as crystal clear as possible (but I know that’s not possible when it comes to my ocd). Or, I could choose to meet myself with the uncertainty and discomfort I fear so much. And in the end, they weren’t so scary. By letting myself experience the pain, by allowing myself to be vulnerable with the people I trusted, and letting myself be uncertain about the couldves wouldves and shouldves, I found that peace I had lost for so long. For example, the intrusive thought, “what could I have done better/to fix things/to keep this from happening,” enters your mind, answer it with, “I guess we’ll never.” Don’t fuel the thoughts and they can’t consume you.
@KarsynJ “I guess will never know” sorry about the typo
@KarsynJ thank you , your words have helped me so much.
@Sunflowers44 I’m glad! Best of luck in your healing journey!
no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.
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