- Date posted
- 48w ago
breakup + ocd
has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates
has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates
100%. I went through a rough breakup with my ex and favorite person at the time because of a lot of different stressors affecting me. After the fact I ruminated a lot on if it was the right decision or not. The conclusion i came to was yes, the way I chose to go about it wasn’t the best but it was the right decision for me. I think of your experiencing self doubt about your choice you can try a few things. Meet the doubts with uncertainty “was this the right decision? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell.” you can also try listing pros and cons. Having a list to visualize your reasoning for ending things with this person can help to reassure you that staying with them wasn’t in your best interest. Hope this helps!
@KarsynJ thankyou so much for your help , i know you said you came to the conclusion that it was the right decision, but did you ever experience anything like your ocd got overwhelming in the relationship and it would be easier for yourself to not be with them? i feel guilty in this way because i feel as though my ocd got worse within the relationship.
@Sunflowers44 Absolutely. I actually kind of think my ocd was partially responsible for the breakup. Not that that’s a bad thing. Because of my trauma I lean towards trusting my gut when it tells me to run. In the moment I really didn’t know why I wanted to break up with him. Now I have the vocabulary to explain why but at the time I didn’t, I was stressed, about to graduate, I’d been dating an anxiously attached manipulator for a year, everything was happening at once and he was smothering me. I was spiraling, my intrusive thoughts were spiraling, my relationships with my ex and my friends were spiraling. It was a really confusing and difficult time in my life. I’m still recovering from it now, even though it happened over a year ago, I’ve made a lot of progress but progress isn’t linear. I spent months ruminating on whether or not it was the right decision, what I did wrong, what he did wrong, all I wanted was closure, and I’ll tell you right now I never got the closure the old me wanted. I had to create my own. Even through all the hurt he put me through, I never got an apology, and that’s something I just had to come to terms with. I had to make a choice, I could choose to cave in on myself, replaying the same conversations in my mind that I wish I could’ve had over and over making small changes until I get it just right. Typing paragraphs in my notes trying to organize my thoughts just right, cover every detail, making every point and every emotion as crystal clear as possible (but I know that’s not possible when it comes to my ocd). Or, I could choose to meet myself with the uncertainty and discomfort I fear so much. And in the end, they weren’t so scary. By letting myself experience the pain, by allowing myself to be vulnerable with the people I trusted, and letting myself be uncertain about the couldves wouldves and shouldves, I found that peace I had lost for so long. For example, the intrusive thought, “what could I have done better/to fix things/to keep this from happening,” enters your mind, answer it with, “I guess we’ll never.” Don’t fuel the thoughts and they can’t consume you.
@KarsynJ “I guess will never know” sorry about the typo
@KarsynJ thank you , your words have helped me so much.
@Sunflowers44 I’m glad! Best of luck in your healing journey!
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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