I'm scared I've become my thoughts or I think I'm scared, why does it feel like I genuinely want or like these thoughts. Anytime I remind myself it's OCD or that I don't like it, it feels like I'm lying to myself and that I've liked these thoughts. Please someone give me advice, I'd appreciate it
Don't feel guilty over your intrusive thoughts just consider them as a demon who we need to fight with š
@fatima . I feel guilt so easily and I feel like when I donāt have a reaction then Iām accepting it and then that makes me even more anxiousš« itās a vicious cycle
Iām stuck here too and itās absolutely awful I wish I had some advice but I could honestly use some myself
The think is if you were your thoughts then you would have never felt this way . Your thoughts need your permission to belive them . If you don't feel right about them they go against your values just don't give them emotional response they are based on your response to them . I mean if there's an intrusive thought just play numb with it dont get scared or anything just plat numb and trust me it works. Try it .
@fatima . But it feels like I've genuinely wanted them now and anytime I try looking for an answer. It feels like I'm looking for an excuse. It feels like I've always liked it now and I'm scared it's changed me, but when I'm scared, it makes me feel like I've always wanted this and ugh. It's just a big mess and I'm so tired š«
@Anonymous This is EXACTLY how Iām feeling right now itās horrible
@Booklover19 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I wish I could bring you some comfort, but please know that we'll get through this. We're not that person. I'm sending you virtual hugs
@Anonymous Just trust the process there's nothing to be worried about okay just calm yourself down . If you are aware of it whatever you are feeling or thinking isn't right you don't like it it's just your intrusive thoughts that are telling you to do so . I am struggling with existential ocd and i tried to play dumb with my thoughts one time and it worked it surprisingly worked š just remember you are not your thoughts your brain is lying to you it lies or just assume your brain is a 7 years old child and you need to teach him . Your brain is asking you to belive him he needs your assurance. If you haven't done anything It says then it's an evidence that your brain is your brain you are not brain .
@fatima . Thank you for your words, I've been such vase amounts of shame for believing this is what I want. I truly hope I'll come out the other side better
@Anonymous Thank you for the kind words
I think the most powerful cognitive distortion that makes OCD distressing is the emotional reasoning aspect. It's the fallacy that if you feel something, it must be true. But it is not. I found that CBT works to break the thought-feeling dysfunction that I suffer from. It helped me to tame the distress of intrusive disturbing thoughts.
OCD makes you feel like you need it. It causes you anxiety, you do a compulsion, and the relief from that can feel good. When OCD goes rampant, and you are doing compulsions whether or not you know it, you can be constantly in a cycle of anxiety, and then brief pleasure or relief as you do the compulsion. When trying to break the cycle, the prompts from OCD continue, causing the anxiety and OCD urge to pay it attention. This is what I've decided my brain and body feel like they "want". The relief and satisfied feeling of completing the OCD thought cycle. Not the thought or feeling that prompted the cycle to begin with. Our bodies have gotten so accustomed to this cycle that when we try to break it, we still have these strong feelings and urges to pay attention to the thought, or our body. When I don't give it that, it can make me feell disappointed in a way that I didn't, because the sensation of giving in to that somatic feeling or nagging briefly makes me feel "complete" for that moment, but filled with anxiety and guilt immediately after.
Yeah it truly is a vicious cycle . But it's all about anxiety . You what i had health ocd and magical thinking ocd before this theme and in health ocd my little stomachache use to make me belive that I have stomach cancer but eventually I got over it I said even If I have stomach cancer what can I do I accepted my fate and belive me my ocd told me you have 2 months to live š¤£ but im still alive and I don't have health ocd now nor do I have magical thinking ocd because I stop giving an f about them . I mean why should I care
Does anyone especially with harm ocd feel like they are their thoughts and want to do these things? Like no matter how hard I try and even during my therapy session I get the constant, āwhat if this isnāt OCD?ā, āyou like these thoughtsā, āyour a bad personā, āyour going to act on these thoughts.ā It gotten to the point where it feels like Iām actually this person and that I have changed into an evil person and itās so scary cause itās gotten to the point where it feels like Iām never going to get my life back and thatās saddening. Iāve never had a violent history never hurt anyone or anything but I donāt know why it feels like I am.
I keep getting a shock feeling and shivers and feel intense over the thoughts but Iām still not convinced that I donāt like the thoughts and keep deliberately imagining the thoughts to see my reaction. Iāve been doing this since one time when I imagined the thought it felt like āI like the feeling of imagining doing that actionā like it felt as if when I imagining doing that horrible thing that I liked the feeling of squashing someoneās face with a pillow (the thoughts are about smothering) now Iām worried I like the feeling of suffocating someone and itās just awful I donāt believe myself anymore Iāve been having so many crying episodes but Iām not convinced and keep bringing on the thoughts and now Iām genuinely believing that its possible I ālike the feeling of doing thatā and I feel like Iām in hell, I donāt want to like the feeling of doing something horrible and Iām worried I get a good feeling from imagining doing that or that I would like the feeling of doing that and itās driving me insane Iām so worried. Recently I keep getting a jittery feeling and anxious every time I have the thought but My head is convincing me that Iām some how ādeliberatelyā making myself anxious and Iām not actually anxious and I secretly like the thoughts and want to do that but for some reason Iām āpretending to be worried or anxiousā please can someone help Iāve been worrying for days I really donāt want to like the feeling of doing something horrible but Iām worried itās true šš please help say if Iām getting some sick good feeling from imagining that and itās really scary but I donāt know it itās my fight or flight and Iām confused or whether because Iām imagining the thought in so much detail combined with the intense anxiety makes it feel like an āurgeā and then itās somehow translated into āfeels like I like the feelingā Iām really worried I donāt know what to do please help
I know it's OCD, I know it is, but for some reason when I remind myself that it's apart of a mental illness. I feel disappointed? Like these thoughts aren't actually my own or that they're what I want. I'm so scared, these thoughts once brought ms so much disgust and anxiety and now I'm scared I've been changed into someone else
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