I feel like this has completely consumed my daily life, I’m nauseated, light headed and on the brink of crying. I’m with someone who is Avoidant Attachment. So he’s already kind of withdrawn. Every time he texts someone or I feel like he’s holding his phone weird, I immediately go to “he’s sleeping with someone else” It’s completely possible that he could be cheating, but I don’t want it to consume me so much.
Comment deleted by user
@Tericita I really want to get to the mindset of what will happen will happen and no amount of worrying or obsessing will prevent bad things from happening. It’s just so hard sometimes
Those thoughts sound really painful to deal with. 😕 Do you have access to a therapist?
@spookycupcake I am currently with a therapist, we are trying some thought challenging exercises. It just feels so overwhelming and constant. I’ve been able to stop a couple spirals. But I get to the point where I sit at my desk at work and can’t physically do anything other than just spin these thoughts around in my head. I want to the point of “what happens happens and that’s it”
@cera910TOPS! You will get there one day! I’ve had an insane amount of progress sitting with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings so it’s definitely possible :)
@spookycupcake That gives me hope!
hey! so i actually have gone through the same thing and trust me i get how hard and frustrating it is!! my bf has an avoidant style and i have an anxious attachment. it has been such a challenge but it’s been worth it because our relationship is way better than it has been. i have past trauma from being cheated on and my partner has never done such thing but i get the anxiety a lot. from time to time i ask for reassurance but i also have to reassure myself and trust myself that our relationship is doing well:) always know if there was something going on it’s not your fault. it’s there’s own doing and it’s their lack of confidence and forms of insecurities that make a person cheat. i bet you’re a wonderful person and i’m sure you’re partner only has eyes on you!! trust me whenever i say this, yes it’s hard but with therapy and the love you guys have for each other those thoughts will be less consuming :)
@hilovely Thank you so much! I’m in this cycle now where I will literally bombard him with 20 questions about if he loves me, does he really, is he tired of me, does he want me to leave etc. and it makes me panic because I know I’m pushing him further away by intensifying the clinginess. I want to back off and give him space but my brain is like “no! You have to cling harder!” It’s exhaust
i get that!! pushing is only going to withdraw him more. don’t loose yourself trying to find answers. trust me, you won’t get anything from it besides more anxiety. talk to a peer, a support group, therapist or family! having support group outside from your partner helps a lot
@hilovely This is my first day on the app and it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY. Trying to keep that momentum going. I’m trying to do more things for myself as well
@cera910TOPS! i’m glad this app helps!! it has helped me too:) good luck on your journey! i’m sure you’ll do great!!❤️
@hilovely Thank you!!!
Your asking for reassurance and problem solving. This is only going to feed your ocd. Maybe he is or maybe he isn't. Each time you ask him if he loves you etc your just making your rocd worse..I had to stop asking my partner all those types of questions. It was hard but I did it and my rocd got better.
@Anonymous And like my logical brain knows this, but the OCD brain won’t accept it
@cera910TOPS! When I want reassurance but also don't want to feed my ocd I will write a post and at the beg and ending if it I will write no reassurance please. That way I get it out and don't feed stupid ocd BOB.
@Anonymous When I want to ask my partner if he loves me I say fucking ocd BOB is wanting me to ask you if you still love me ..he'll say something like maybe or who knows..it helps.
@Anonymous That’s a great idea! Thank you!
@cera910TOPS! Your welcome. Maybe you could prep your bf so he knows acceptable response. I prepped mine.
@Anonymous I may have to let things cool off a bit before working him into that. I had terrible trigger earlier and started in with the questioning. It was slow at first and before I knew it I was spiraling and taking him with me
@cera910TOPS! Ah yeah... there were and sometimes things I do or say to my partner. I've told him I don't want to be this person and to say hey honey you might be loopings and then get up and walk away from me. It's more for me to see that I'm looping cause idk all the time.
@Anonymous I can almost catch myself mid spiral but it’s like the control is just not there yet.
@cera910TOPS! Soon..soon you will. I've noticed just recently that I'll wake up in the morning and I'll be laying in bed, thinking...oh no wait..I'm not thinking, I'm RUMINATING!! Sneaky little ocd..very very sneaky. Needless to say I get out I'd bed and do something productive. And tell ocd BOB how nice he was for that long wave of past, present and future possible scenarios but I got shit to do. Now that I'm finally diagnosed it's going to take time as ocd BOBs been in control for over 40 yrs. It just takes time.
@Anonymous I can’t thank you enough for your words of encouragement!!! Also I’m super new to the app but is OCD bob a universal name we give our ocd? I love it
@cera910TOPS! Haha no ocd BOB is what I call mine. My nocd therapist suggested I name mine since we don't want these thoughts. It really helps me. Honestly I use ocd BOB on the app. My ocds name is really a character from Matilda. I went through a lot kf names before mine stuck. Vordimort, count Olaf, Cruelly etc. I used Satan originally but that didn't feel right. Here is the link my nocd therapist sent me.https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/can-giving-ocd-a-name-help-you-manage-it
@cera910TOPS! You may have ocd BOB if you want. I csn change the one I use in the app.
@Anonymous One of my friends named her depression Regina. So I love this so much! I will find a name for mine as well!
@Anonymous Is the Matilda name Ms Trunchball?
@cera910TOPS! Regina George haha mean girls.
@cera910TOPS! Yup Agatha
@Anonymous LOVE IT!!
@Anonymous That’s exactly where she got it! lol very fitting. Regina is a manipulative biatch lol
Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭
I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?
Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
