I keep thinking about my intrusive thoughts intentionally, I'm not sure why though, I hate these thoughts I'm pretty sure of but I also feel like I want them so I intentionally think of them to satisfy "myself" because I'm thinking them intentionally. I'm scared. I think I'm scared. Everything feels wrong
I definitely relate to this, it’s almost as if I’m waiting for the thought so I go ahead and start thinking about it. Almost like a sore spot that you cant fully get over. But it’s a habit that takes time to get over so distractions is what I turn to when I am about to do something like that
What if I'm unsure about whether I want my thoughts or not anymore? For the past four months, I've thought that I liked my thoughts because of intrusive feelings. It feels like this is my true self now and there's nothing I can do about it
@Anonymous I hope this helps - I believe that by asking whether you want your thoughts, you are actually carrying out the compulsion of asking for reassurance about whether they are your “true self” or not. This is a tricky trap, but actually, as uncomfortable as it is, the way to deal with it is to sit with the uncertainty of whether you “want them” or not. The trick of ocd is making you think that there’s a “true self in your thoughts”, which draws you away from focussing on what is real and right in front of you - your thoughts become a false threat. This is what I think and I am not a medical professional, so please don’t take anything I say as a given, consult with a professional if you’re unsure.
@Anonymous Unfortunately, I cannot attend a professional, but can I share my experience with you?
@Anonymous Yes, that’s ok, but only if you’re comfortable with it being online. I’ll do my best to help, but again, I am not a professional, I am just saying my opinion from my experience, which will be different to yours.
@Anonymous Thank you, around 4 months ago as I've previously stated. I relapsed on an old theme of mine, I won't go onto specifics because I'm not comfortable with that, but it started off like when I first suffered from OCD. I was avoiding, neutralizing thoughts, etc, but it's gradually gotten worse. Like really bad. It feels like I DESIRE my intrusive thoughts, anytime I say I don't want my thoughts, it feels like I'm lying, and anytime I find information that even brings me remotely some level of reassurance. The desire or false desires comes right back and keeps making me feel like I want this and anytime I see someone's comment of trying to help me gets me enraged or upset because it feels like I actually want to act on my thoughts even though that was never the case.
@Anonymous Sorry, that sounds really tough to go through! To me, it seems like searching for information or comments to comfort you, as hard as it is to avoid, is a compulsion which only reinforces your sense that there is a real threat going on. I think that this idea of “desiring your thoughts” is a trick of OCD, whereby a recognisable unpleasant thought - such as “what if I want to harm someone” - comes into your brain, and OCD makes you therefore question whether you want it, because you thought it. It’s almost like OCD is trying to out-manoeuvre you. What I think is the best way to combat this is (and this can be hard and something you have to spend time working up to) simply allowing that discomfort, that fear of desiring the thoughts, to be present in your mind, without trying to prove that it’s not true. It may feel uncomfortable and strange, but there is actually no way to beat OCD by out-logicing it, because it is irrational as a disorder. In other words, ERP is the way forward. Personally, I’ve been battling forms of OCD for the past two years, and I’ve gotten better and better at it, and what it has come down to for me is simply “ruthlessly trusting myself” and either allowing intrusive thoughts to be present without responding (ie without arguing with them/pushing them away), or in fact, welcoming them in and accepting them (as strange as this sounds). I’ve found that things like “sure thought, you can be there” are quite good. But it’s an individual thing. I highly highly recommend Nathan Peterson OCD on YouTube, and Natasha Daniels child OCD therapist on YouTube - they have helped me immensely. Hope this helps.
@Anonymous Thank you for your words, but I'm more so scared because I actually believed my thoughts and have even had thoughts before about me acting out the thoughts. I feel like I shouldn't be trusted anymore, I don't feel like the same person, and I feel like I'm lying to about everything. What I've also noticed is that when I'm done researching or finding an answer, my brain CANNOT accept it even for a few seconds. Everything is pointing towards this being OCD, but I just can't accept that even though that's what I want?-
@Anonymous False feelings are the bane of my existence right now, I fucking hate this, but even saying that is making me doubt 😫
@Anonymous It’s so difficult, I do sympathise! OCD is by its very nature a “doubting disease”, even to the point of, as you’ve mentioned, often making people doubt whether they have it (meta OCD that’s called I believe). It makes you look for 100% certainty in things, which is simply impossible to have, and as a result your brain will say to people’s advice “but what if this is not that/different to other people/real”. Indeed, you probably have trouble believing some of what I’ve said. This idea of “not trusting oneself not to act out thoughts” I believe is a common thought as well, where thoughts are given more power than they really have. I would really recommend Nathan Peterson, as he’s a professional and he deals with “trusting oneself” and meta OCD as well, I’ve found him helpful. You can do it!
@Anonymous Thank you 🫂
@Anonymous No problemo, I’m going to bed now but good luck with overcoming your OCD! Sorry it’s so stressful and frightening, know that you are not alone!
Hey yall, having a tough time. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts while I self pleasure and it GENUIENLY feels like I enjoy them for whatever reason. And then now about half an hour later it’s like okay it’s a sexual thought but I might not actually like it. Idk I just really hate myself, because I basically genuinely liked it in the moment
I feel like the thoughts are telling me, "You want this, you want to be attracted to kids" when I know that's not the case. I've been stuck ruminating for the past couple of days and I'm so worried about this disorder convincing me that I'm something I've never been. I try not to fight it, but when I don't it feels like I'm giving into it like it's true. The meds I'm on keep me from being super depressed, but it's still there. I feel like I'm going to act on my thoughts one day and it worries me. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know if this is progress or a relapse. Even when having intercourse with my partner, I had to thought block because the thoughts were images while in the middle of it. Then afterwards, they came flooding in saying that I was doing it as a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I try to pinpoint all of my triggers, but sometimes I don't think I even have any. I feel like a monster. I'm honestly scared.
I need advice for intrusive thoughts. I used to feel like I could handle them. They weren’t nearly as bad as the things that related to my actual life. But now, I’m suffering. I haven’t had a sexual experience in over a year that didn’t involve constant intrusive thoughts. Most are somehow related to kids and I keep chasing off the thoughts but it’s so bad. I know you’re supposed to ignore them but I don’t know how I can just ignore that and continue what I’m doing. But they’re coming on stronger. I had one earlier I could not get rid of just as things finished so the thought came on strongly just before my orgasm hit and now I feel absolutely disgusting. I hated the thought and I know it’s not me and it was not enjoyable but it still feels like I was getting off to it. I feel sick. I’m so fucking tired of these thoughts. They’re in my every day life too and it’s all the time. I just want it to stop but ignoring it feels so wrong. What should I do?
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