Does anyone relate?

Hi guys. I posted a few days ago but I didn’t get a response and I was wondering if anyone could take the time to read this below. I would really appreciate some advice because it’s something that I don’t feel I have a lot of knowledge about. And knowledge he power as they say. Thank you ❤️ Why does intrusive thoughts feel so real? I had an intrusive thought/fake ‘feeling’ about another guy I know who I used to date before my current boyfriend who is everything to me. And it felt like a real ‘feeling/emotion’. Why does this happen? Then I worry about my actions whilst ‘feeling’ that way

As far as ocd , I’ve been feelings okay . But I feel like shit still. I can’t stop thinking about my ex friend who I also like . I am so envious too . It hurts that we’re no longer friends and we haven’t spoken to each other since our fight . It’s been 3 months almost . Bht last we talked , it was more of a confrontation and that’s when things got heated and things really ended officially for both of us. I happen to be obsessive of him not ocd related ik by heart. I am genuinely into him and I can’t seem to stop comparing myself to him as well. Which is why I am jealous of his own lifestyle and overall just him as a person. He’s the beauty faced, free spirited clear minded free guy who goes out does all sorts of things like traveling, clubbing , partying, just an active person off /on social media . He’s free spirited ! I’m surprised we even bonded and stayed close contact with each other . Me on other hand , the mentally ill , insecured , gay kid who suffers from ocd while also balancing social anxiety and everyday struggles of low self esteem . But just overall being mentally or emotionally unstable . I am hoping to reach out someday and reconnect with him and make things better. Meantime , I just have to suffer with the fact that he’s doing all fun and cool things without me . I am also into him too :( but I feel insecure so much because of my self esteem . I want to glow up so bad . I worry how one day he will find someone else 😔despite of not ever being in relationship with him . Nor has he known about my feelings I have for him. This puts me in a worse emotional state . I feel fragile all aside from constant struggle of ocd . This has been issue for me last couple of days is coping wit the loss of a friend . Anyone have advice ??

back story: i have been having thoughts about my ex crush for like about two years now, off and on. I know I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him. But my ex crushes name always pops into my head every fucking day, my brain always ties back a connection with anything I fucking do, and I see his name everywhere which always makes me think it’s a “sign” I get sad bc my mind will always replay memories with the ex crush rather than my boyfriend and I get upset with it. I’m at my wits end and I feel incredibly guilty bc I don’t want this person, nor do I want him in my head. Has anyone gone through this where they had intrusive thoughts about a person for no reason?