SOOCD for a long time

Is there anyone here who has struggled with SO-OCD for a very long time? or as long as they could remember? I see a lot of post of people saying "yes, I always knew I was straight and it came suddently out of nowhere" or "yes I was always boy crazy and one morning I woke up and had these thoughts". However, I have had these thoughts for as long as I could remembrer (maybe since I was 8 or 10 years old) and I am 26 today! Which makes me feel like 1) my OCD is fake and its just denial and I'm just too afraid 2) I feel so alone. My therapist actually dignosed me with SOOCD 6 years ago but I just always feel like there is something not right... I also have been with my bf for 6 years and I love him but again it always felt like something was missing... and at the same time I cant imagine life without him and I love cuddling/being close to him... I know that there are a lot of people on the spectrum, I'm just scared that I'm living a lie and will deceive everyone and will come out later in life (like Sophia Bush or Chrishell Stause) when I have kids and I'm gonna ruin everyone's life... Like my mind is telling me now is better than after, come on do it!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: MidwestmotherMidwestmother

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w ago

This current episode has been going on for a year for me. But in therapy, I have realized that I probably have had OCD since I was I was a child, and I've had what are probably two mild episodes of SO-OCD in the last. Both triggered by feeling, suddenly deeply uncomfortable around a woman and intense questioning/ruminating for a month or so. The first I was 23/24, the next I was 34, and now. I echo a lot of what you feel. I was never really insecure re my attraction to men, but I was never boy crazy either. I was always attracted to someone once I got to know them. So things like that have made me wonder when I look back especially when you read that stupid comphet document. Okay not stupid but terrible for people suffering with SO-OCD. I am married to my wonderful husband, and we have amazing kids. I adore him but have struggled probably with a bit of ROCD too - we have been together for 13 years and have young children so much of marriage right now is kid focused. But I'm also secure in how I have and continue to feel about him and know that loss of attraction to your usual sex comes with this too. I certainly have feared this is real and needs to come out and in doing so I need to blow up my life. But a majority of my prior life tells me otherwise. It makes 0 sense that sexuality is black and white so my guess is a lot of people are somewhere even slightly on the spectrum but with OCD we are far my at risk to focus on this very small part of us. For now, the best thing for me is to live towards my values - my marriage and family.

Username: NeytiriNeytiri

Date posted: 29w ago

@Midwestmother I have similar story. Could we talk?

Username: MidwestmotherMidwestmother

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w ago

@Neytiri That would be fine. Not sure what the best mechanism would be to talk.

Username: NeytiriNeytiri

Date posted: 29w ago

@Midwestmother Do u have discord?

Username: CWE71CWE71

Date posted: 30w ago

I've been struggling with it for almost twenty years. And when it started I was married with kids so it was terrifying. And back then I had no idea it could possibly be OCD. It would go dormant for periods of time but would come back more intense each time. So I thought this had to be the real me trying to break free. When I looked back over my entire life there were some things from early on that made me think maybe this isn't OCD and I am really gay or bi or whatever. But those times when I just stop trying to figure it out and say "well I guess it's possible but I know I love my wife and have never been attracted to an actual guy in real life (only thoughts or images of guys)", it helps me a lot.

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 30w ago

Thank you for your input!

Username: TomFromHomeTomFromHome

Date posted: 30w ago

@CWE71 20 years here too - but on and off, sometimes dormant for years. My first time was very scarry, I didn‘t even know about ocd at the time. But over the years I was able to put some peaces of the puzzle together and develop strategies to fight back.

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w ago

I feel everything in this post! I’m 23 and have had it for the last year, so not nearly as long as you have. Chrishell and Sophia bush have been HUGE triggers for me too, but we can’t predict the future. I’m currently struggling with feeling very off and not in love with my boyfriend and it’s horrible. ROCD and SOOCD are no joke and we will get through this! Try and remember times where accepting the uncertainty has made you feel better. That can be every time if we just let it.

Username: NeytiriNeytiri

Date posted: 29w ago

I am scared cuz Sophia and Chrishell are with women now but they are with the masculine women so they are still somehow attracted to the masculinity and I am scared I am a real lesbian cuz I am more triggered by the feminine women :-(. I am scared I am attracted to the feminine women and in the relationship I would be the masculine one :-(. I have some masculine traits. I even sit like a man

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 24w ago

Your literally describing me

Username: Scooterino

Date posted: 2y ago

Undiagnosed SO OCD since childhood?

I'm starting to believe I have had SOOCD since childhood. I remember having thoughts since as early as 7 that felt bad and wrong and made me sad and worried. Thoughts of being bisexual or lesbian still make me so unhappy and uncomfortable, but they also feel so deeply ingrained in me that I have a hard time knowing what my sexuality is. I felt forced to accept the fact that I was bisexual when I was an adult, even though it made me sad, but is that even true? Is dealing with this since childhood really just denial? Am I just gay? Or is ALL of it a lie and I'm straight? Maybe I'm asexual, and am not attracted to anyone? I can't sort it out in my head, my heart is breaking- my wonderful fiance has been so careful and kind as I process what is going on. Now the idea of having sex or attraction to ANYONE of any gender makes me panic and cry. He is so patient, but he doesn't deserve this, he deserves better than my panic attacks and doubt. Has anyone else had a theme since childhood? How have you sorted what IS real from what is NOT real, now that you know you have OCD?

Username: kytalker

Date posted: 1y ago

Help

Hi everyone! I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that I did about something related to SO-OCD… I’m finally discovering that I might have this sub genre of OCD and have had it for a very long time. I have always felt awkward around other women especially in more intimate situations (like changing in the same room, laying in bed together or giving compliments about looks). All of this hit me like a ton of bricks when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years ago and our sex life started to decline after about 9 months of us being together. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I obsess over finding out why I have grown not attracted to him sexually. Am I a lesbian? Am I just depressed? Am I falling out of love with him? Was I ever in love with him? The list goes on and my obsession with it grows stronger. I’m so scared I will have to break up with him because I do love him and love spending time with him. I’m scared to start ERP therapy because I’m worried I’ll realize that it’s best to just let him go 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 42w ago

SOOCD after a long time

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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SOOCD for a long time

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