Can I talk to someone?

Can I tell you how I'm feeling?

Hello! Is it okay if we talk?

@Anonymous HIII, yes what is going on

@IloveDieguito So, around five months ago. I was suffering with the relapse of a previous OCD theme. Everything was the same with avoidance, googling, all of that. However, I began to believe my intrusive thoughts halfway through this relapse. I don't remember why, but now it feels like I've wanted these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I wanna keep them now. Like I like them. Like I want them to be true. I even find myself becoming disappointed whenever someone tells me it's OCD. I keep researching despite my given answers and it feels like I'm trying to defend my intrusive thoughts

@Anonymous It's probably because you've gotten so used to the feeling of having them, that it has started becoming a part of you. In my case, the OCD makes it seem so real, I'm in the point where I'm honesty not caring anymore, just because I've had it for so long:(. I think u might be going through something similar. Also it's not good to see the intrusive thoughts in a good nor bad way. Just become neutral about them, and try not to ruminate (ik it's impossible) but we need to become more comfortable with the feelings we have(because for people with OCD they don't mean that much) or simply the OCD has been so horrible it has started to convince you.

@IloveDieguito Apart of me? How do I reverse this? Please?

@Anonymous So I didn't 100% meant that the thought is you, remember you are not what you think, when I said that I meant that because of rumination, it starts to feel like us. I wanted to let you know that the only way to get better is to remember how badly it felt when this intrusive thought only started. How terrified you felt. And try to sit with the feeling. Nothing is enough to convince OCD they it's wrong. OCD is just a small percentage of our brains. We are the ones who 99% control what we do. So the best thing to do is say, okay , OCD has been beating me up with this intrusive thought, I have been with this thought for so long the "OCD bug" is doing its best in trying to convince me, but we are stronger than this small percentage of our brains. The only way to reverse it, is to not act upon what the OCD thinks should be done. OCD is no witness of the truth, it creates it's own reality, and we must not live in it

@IloveDieguito So, I have to remember how I actually felt? Scared? Disgusted?

@Anonymous It sounds horrifying ik:( but yes, it's what works with me, and the reason behind it is because, when we've had the same OCD thought for such a long time, the rumination will try to convince that the intrusive thought is real, because the more we think, the worse it gets. So remembering how it made you feel when it all started, it's really how you feel about the thought:( I know It sounds bad, but it is just a dumb thought, that our OCD makes huge

@IloveDieguito Thank you for your words, I guess what I'm struggling with is the doubt. Anytime I try telling myself something, immediate doubt

@Anonymous 100% you are not alone, there's a lot of people including myself that go through doubt because of OCD. To be honest doubt is what makes the OCD hungry, and rumination and other compulssions is what feeds it(they don't really help, jusy makw the doubt worse) and remember, thw doubt doesn't come from you, but from the OCD

@IloveDieguito Thank you again for your words, I'll try really hard to believe them to the best of my abilities 🫂 I just wish I never believed my intrusive thoughts in the first place, maybe then this would've never happened.

@Anonymous Not to give more reassurance but... It's quite clear that the fact that you don't want them, that you truly wish you hadn't believed in them, it's great evidence they are not real, I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself. You've got this