intrusive thoughts as statements, while high

i was thinking abt the time my ex friend randomly sent me without consent illegal stickers to mess with me me and while i didn't look at it because i didnt want it i read through the description what it was. now my brain is telling me intrusive obsessional questions such as "why is it wrong though?" and trying to convince me this thesis with "think about it", trying to make me doubt my belief. it's a question to which my answer is "obviously wrong" as for me is a dogma but my brain keeps knocking on me and persisting with multiple "why?" and "why?" and "but why' and i feel more and more uncertain, almost like believing it while not wanting it and not liking it. im not attracted to that shit, i didnt enjoy this thought process i was bothered and anxious abt it, not liking it but still distressingly seeing it through. but the obsessional question still persists, and it scared me a lot because i gave it value, i gave it validity by hearing it out and perceiving the possibility of it being true, even though i dont want it at all, I BELIEVED IT!!! i know it's clearly ocd, but i cannot tolerate the fact that i gave it validity and believed it even though not agreeing with it at all. what i want is for it to be wrong and for me to be confident about that, but this thing still happened. im very stressed and also disturbed and feel horrible for believing when i dont want to. i also had a forced egodystonic sudden thought like "huh why would it be wrong if one just did it for <pleasure>? doesn't make sense" in response to a particular disturbing ocd question but that was made it seem and placed as a generic question... as if i didn't want for it to be wrong under that generic circumstance and that is bothering me a lot, im afraid that even if it is egodystonic and i clearly dont believe it is right as i think with more effort and remove that cloud of momentary irrationality, that i still genuinely thought that for a moment, that that thought still happened, but i also remember it being an induced, automatic answer... maybe it's because it was formulated in a manner that made it for me to answer that way. maybe it was just an impulsive fast thought in reaction to the generic aspect and premise of that disturbing wrong question that wasnt thought enough and it doesn't really reflect truth and reality of what i believe. i cant tolerate that i had that thought. was i just manipulated into hearing out that question and i automatically believed that doubt and agreed with the doubt? i dont like that at all. I don't believe it is right, for me it's wrong and disgusting, so why did i have a suspension of the disbelief? im stressed the fuck out from this single moment. i hope that thought was intrusive, but also i know that i don't like it and dont agree with it, but still cannot tolerate that that thought took place. i don't know what to do. i cannot tolerate that i believed this ocd horrible take (even though not agreeing with it). im traumatised by what my ex friends did to me. im hoping it's one of the case that i call condition of existence, that in order to check a intrusive question your brain automatically sets it as "true" in the realm of that thought.

I have been struggling today, most likely due to lack of sleep. I had a thought that I would consider intrusive, but what really unsettled me was that I felt like I liked it, **not just in the sense that I lacked anxiety over it, but that I genuinely felt like I wanted it.** It left me feeling really confused. It happened during intimacy, which makes it even more unsettling. The thought was incestuous, I found myself imagining and comparing the moment with my boyfriend to my father :/, and what really alarms me is that I felt like I wanted it there, both mentally and physically. I was having a really nice time, so maybe the physical sensations got mixed in somehow, but it still worries me. I did my best not to ruminate in the moment and avoided checking. I tried to move on, but the feeling of genuinely liking the thought was so clear that it is hard to shake off. Has anyone else experienced something similar? This is one of the first times it has ever happened to this extent.

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.