I've had my OCD for so long that the intrusive thoughts have begun to feel like they are who I am and anytime I try getting over them, it's so painful, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore
I promise you are more than your thoughts. I'm so sorry you feel this way! You know who you are because you can tell that they are intrusive thoughts which is a beautiful sign. Something that truly helped me was allowing the thoughts to just flow and not try to attach meaning to them. I know this is SO much more easier said than done, but if you can accept that there is YOU and your THOUGHTS as separate entities, I believe it will help. Like any sickness, it feels terrible and awful and gross but that doesn't mean YOU are terrible and awful and gross. You are afflicted with something you don't deserve, but it never changes who you are at your core. No matter how awful you may feel from time to time, you will always remain. Even if it sometimes is beneath a fog! We're here for you ❤️
Thank you so much for your message, it's managed to comfort me, but I guess what's really been bothering me is that it feels REAL. Like I actually do want to change into a bad person. Anytime I reassure myself or try to prove to myself that this isn't something I want, it feels wrong, like this is who I am now. I know why its happening, but it's like there's a part of me that does want this to happen even though I was on the verge of a panic attack. I know feelings lie, but anytime I'm reassured of who I am, it feels wrong or a lie. I don't know what to do
@June1121 THIS 🫶🏻🙌🏻
@Anonymous I COMPLETELY understand. It is similar to Pedophilia OCD when it feels like maybe I like it and I'm converting into a monster and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But I'd like to tell you two things: 1) Your fear is an indicator that the true you, the true and wonderful you, is there; and it will always be. 2) Fear, while helpful as an indicator that you're you, is a huge fucking LIAR. Fear will lie to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING even if it doesn't pertain to OCD. I know this may be hard, but try putting your fists down. Let the fear in, let the worry and doubt that you're changing into something just wash over you. Sit in it like a pool. It may feel like you're drowning for a time, but then you realize you are BREATHING. You are OK. Don't fight, don't exhaust yourself, don't look for answers. Right now, right here in this moment, you have everything you need inside the heart that beats in your chest. Let the fear sit there. Invite it in. I swear one day it won't feel like an enemy anymore. ❤️
@Ms. Hellfire Ty so much :)
@June1121 But it feels like it's the real and right thing compared to how I was originally thinking, I'm scared
@Anonymous And it's ok to be scared. Be scared. Just allow it to be. The real and right thing is what you DO. Your actions. Not what you think. Remember- you aren't your thoughts. Your feelings can't be trusted in these moments either. Just be. Notice your breath, what you're doing, how you walk, the birds outside; watch it all. You are your actions.
@June1121 I don't wanna do this
@June1121 I'm so scared, I don't wanna be this type of person. I never wanted to be
@Anonymous You're just you. We all are. And we are who we choose to be :) Just be. Breathe. Just be. I promise you can do this. We are here for you.
@June1121 I want someone to hold me
@Anonymous https://youtu.be/XkkxNN4SSO4?si=4kXSkmnktl6g_Usu :)
@June1121 Thank you ❤️
your thoughts are Not you. if you felt this way, you wouldn’t feel so conflicted about it. OCD begs to be noticed and taken seriously. Remember that having a thought is not the same as acting on a thought, and it is not the same as having that feeling.
@maddie2000 Super well said.
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
I am wanting to go to therapy to hopefully lower my OCD symptoms but I am terrified to tell anyone else, like a therapist, about my intrusive thoughts. Has anyone else had this experience and if so how did you get over it?
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
