I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)

Oh crap I just realized I’ve given you a load of reassurance:( and myself too. Sorry about that

Girl I thought I was asexual too at one point!! But then I met my boyfriend ? but yeah, honestly, I don't mind being bi. But I'm just scared I'll turn fully lesbian. Like I wouldn't mind a threesome with a girl and guy at all, I'm adventurous. But to be like fully invested in a female my whole life is what is causing me OCD. Because I only want my bf :/ but my mind keeps throwing these "what ifs.." and "does that mean..." at me and its ruining my days ???

I get you girl. It’s funny because i’m so chill about everyone else’s sexuality like i’m so accepting, but the idea of myself being bi or lesbian is just so scary ?!?

I personally think that maybe coming out was a wrong move BC now you don’t feel good about it....sometimes with ocd it’s a compulsion to confess certain things... like telling people you were bi might’ve been a compulsion... if you don’t feel right about it there’s a chance you could’ve never been bi at all. Women can be attractive to you but that doesn’t mean that’s you’re preference. Girls do it all the time when they admire other girls...it doesn’t make them gay or straight....they’re just forming their own opinions on their appearance... but I think you could still be straight.. but don’t rely completely on this...I’m only 14 ?

Yeah I guess !! And i didn’t really come out to people, I sorta just told a couple friends what I was going through and said I’m not sure what my sexuality is and that I MIGHT be bi. If I was actually gay or bi, I suppose this would have been a good first step and accepting yourself and coming into who you truly are. But that isn’t the case.

I'm experiencing the same thing as you Girl. I'm 20 and used to watch lesbian porn as a kid, but gradually, I started to not like it. Fast forward to today, I've been in a happy 2 and a half year relationship with my boyfriend and these thoughts started creeping in. It scared the shit out of me because my boyfriend is really the closest person I've ever got to and this relationship is very important to me. So I csnt help but think my OCD found the perfect opportunity to nibble at the things I fear the most (losing my boyfriend). It started off as ROCD, then HOCD and then TOCD and now I'm back to HOCD. It's just annoying because at this point, I don't even know if it's HOCD or not, I've tried coming out to my bf as bi. Which felt amazing, like a weight lifted off the shoulders. But now my mind is telling me that I'm just flat out gay. Which is contradicting because I am still sexually and emotionally attracted to my bf. Its the most annoying situation

it’s the worst and most confusing thing ever isn’t it! I guess we just have to accept the uncertainty. It’s so hard for me especially because i’ve always speculated if I’m somewhere in the asexual spectrum and I question if i’ve ever really experienced sexual attraction. I’ve enjoyed sex with a guy but it’s more about how they make me feel, rather than them being attractive - if that makes sense ? so GOD KNOWS hahaha

The thing is, nobody, even scientists, understand female sexuality. Females who self identify as straight have like 10% concordance between their preference and the content that turns them on. Many women are turned on by rape scenes, but they don’t want to try it out in real life and don’t really need to do anything about it. Your preference is what matters. No one have to come out about their private fantasies, it sounds insane to me. Also remember that taboo things are what turns us on the strongest. I’ve read that lesbian couples often prefer gay male porn for some reason. Doesn’t make them straight and (usually) doesn’t give them OCD.

OMG Right???

Do you want to kiss a girl or get intimate with one?

if yes then your question is answered

it’s okay! Your message is nothing I haven’t read before. You’re correct - just have to learn to accept the uncertainty and ourselves x

Hope you’re doing better

And we’re here if you need to rant