Today I feel like I want to d!e and do something to myself for the WHOLE day. Yesterday I was ok. I made sure that my family is with me, even tho I’m not the person to do it, just to feel safer. I need some relief. Does anyone has a suggestion?
As someone who has suicidal ocd I recommend working on your ocd with exposure response for example I had to hold thing I was afraid I would hurt myself with and sit with distress and it slowly get easier and I started to not feel afraid of those items. I also had to learn to let the thoughts be there and sit with the uncertainty and slowly learn to not react to the thoughts. I also recommend not doing family for resurgence as that compulsion makes the ocd a lot worse and keeps it insanely of the ocd up. Your are not really in danger, your ocd is send off false alarms.treating your ocd like it real will make it a lot worse. I had learn that the hard way. I recommend looking up exposure response for ocd and what is an compulsion and how not to do them. The more compulsions you do the worse your ocd will get. I am sorry suicidal ocd is horrible, stay strong and keep working on treating your ocd and your ocd will slowly stop bothering you.
@Brooke cookie I’m just scared that the thoughts are from some kind of depression I have (dysthymia) and then I’m scared I will. Because I feel like I can. It’s horrible. I can sit and then get so distressed because I feel like I REALLY want to do it. But I’m into the process so not so stressed from it, and it got me thinking that it’s real. And I should make sure I won’t. (Meaning I don’t really want to.. but I’m scared I’ll do it out of distress)
@confused writer I understand, my depression got worse and my ocd started making me afraid I wanted to die or kill myself. The way your talking I can tell it is ocd but I also understand why you are afraid you really want to die. I know it feels real and it is truly horrible. I have had depression since 5 grade. You will not really kill yourself but you also will not get better until you start treating your ocd and I know it is hard. I understand wanting to make sure you will not hurt yourself but by doing that you are teaching your subconscious that your ocd is a really threat and you will not be able to calm down. Please stay strong ,I know it is really hard and straight up terrifying.
@Brooke cookie I really love you for this comment. I needed to hear that someone felt like me. My therapist says that it’s ok to sometimes feel like you want to d!e. Because it’s hard. But she says I’m not suic!dal as a person at all. Parts of the day I feel like I’d really want that to get relief, but I know that deep down it’s not me. If you’d want to talk, I’d love to. Thank you so much.
My IG is Brooke._.p if you ever need to talk or make a friend:) Also, your therapist is right sometimes being depressed makes you feel frustrated and like you kind of sort of wanna stop going but you really don’t that’s normal for depression sadly . I’m starting to feel better so I think in a little bit after I’ve got my OCD more under control I’m gonna start working on my Depression as well. I feel like have more mental energy as my OCD goes down.
@Brooke cookie I sent you a msg, please check your requests ❤️
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
I’ve been feeling a little bit better these past few days but today it’s been very stressful for me having a lot of hard thoughts and unable to release tension mentally giving me a headache and feelings of panic. Having a hard time connecting with reality. Any ideas or suggestions on how to grab myself and release tension?
i am nearly constantly extremely anxious and i don't want to live like this. my family and friends are so done dealing with me to the point that i feel that i'd be better off completely alone. every small twinge or pain in my body sends me into a panic, and if it's not that it's something else i manage to be worrying over. i'm fairly certain my stress has caused an ulcer to form. i try to sit with myself and not seek reassurance/check myself for issues but it is genuinely agonizing at times. most days i sleep 12-14 hours a day because it gets to a point that i cannot deal with it anymore and i take something to sleep. sometimes i do feel that i would be better off just not around so i wouldn't have to feel this any longer. i do a lot of unhealthy things to cope (drinking, smoking, and otc sleeping pills being the main culprits) and those habits end up hurting me in the long run and making me more anxious. i do have a counselor and she is great but i'm having a really hard time finding a medication provider under my insurance. i really really do want to get better because this is the most miserable i have ever been and i hate being like this and exhausting myself and the people around me. i've been told a big part of the healing process is to make yourself sit with your thoughts and deal with the uncertainty and fear as it comes, but it feels torturous to do that. sometimes reading through these posts does make me feel better knowing that i'm not alone but lately i have been unable to pull myself out of this frantic state. what are some healthier ways to cope/distract yourself that you guys find to be at least semi-effective? i am genuinely willing to try anything to make this terrible feeling go away
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