Apologize

I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt surrounding my OCD. I feel as if I’m failing my family and that I’m just a burden to everyone because of it. I recently started Prozac again and that only makes me feel worse. I’m 17 and I’m an only child. I hate that my parents’ only daughter is crazy. I don’t know if I’m becoming depressed but I’m too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone. I don’t want to draw anymore attention.

ever since covid started, my mom has been trying to get me and my siblings insurance. obviously, it’s been pretty hard and i feel bad. she doesn’t know that i have ocd and i don’t have the heart to tell her since she has covid right now. i don’t want to put any pressure on her. she already has to deal with the fact that i might have autism. i’ve resorted to self diagnosing and doing erp (which is going well aside from the feeling on anxiety) and i know that if i tell my dad he won’t believe me. especially with the subtypes i have. i’ll just have to deal with that and the reoccurring suicidal thoughts. i don’t even go outside anymore or take care of myself. on top of that, my eating disorder is trying to jab at me again. i guess this is my life now.

I'm the middle child of 3 siblings. My older sibling is getting married this year, and my younger sibling is working to get into nursing school. And then there's me. The one with the Problems. I feel like my parents deserve a better middle daughter than me. I feel like such a disappointment that they have to put up with me and my constant crying. I hate feeling like I kill the good mood/transfer my bad feelings to them. No matter how many times they comfort me, no matter how much they support me and accept me, I still feel like an annoyance and a burden on them. I feel like a f^cking baby because of my mental health problems. I'm normally unstoppable, and have my own unique strengths and abilities, but THIS is what stops me. Anyone else feel like you're just a dumb, dependent child because of your OCD?