- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
For themes like ours, the past is always going to contain “evidence” that supports our fears. Looking back to the past for answers is actually a compulsion in this case and I’d encourage you to stay out of it. If you find yourself ruminating over the past, turn the scenario into a statement rather than a judgment: “in the past I said I was trans. But that doesn’t mean I am or am not trans today.” Always lead with uncertainty with OCD. You will never be able to 100% “prove” things one way or the other.
I have TOCD as well. It ALWAYS reaches toward my past as proof. It’ll tell me the times I was attracted to women I actually wanted to be them. Then I get thrown into a tailspin. It’s awful.
Thank you guys so much! I’m so glad I’ve downloaded this app. Right now I’m at a stage where I’m concerned with the thought “am I just in denial? Am I faking this whole OCD thing?” I’m not anxious but these questions flow through my mind a lot. This has really helped me. I’m gonna ask my mom (when I get the courage lol) to get me a therapist and hopefully get my life back together. Thanks again, I have zero regrets downloading this app. I love you all❤️
@Anonymous Hi my love, how are you now?
I want to do therapy, but my parents are strictly against it and I can’t make my own decisions because I’m 15. The thing that really messes with me right now is my past and my actions that seem to prove that I’m trans. Thanks for helping
Also, since your parents won’t allow you to see a therapist, I’d suggest at least doing some reading on your own. There are some great OCD workbooks out there that can help you tackle this on your own: https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings
Thanks for helping! But I don’t forcefully think of my past. My brain just goes “hey remember that one time you.......” and so on. I’m just really scared it’s not OCD. Telling myself statements doesn’t help that much but I’m still trying. I really want to get this over with. This is the only thing I worry about. I’ve heard so many people on here tell me that it’s OCD and that I’ll be fine but I have a never ending doubt in my mind. This whole thing started when I was on vacation and the thought just hit me. There was no buildup to the thought. It just came with no prior warning. I’m really scared and I panic a lot but sometimes I just feel numb. I’m scared of everything in the future. I got a homework assignment asking the question “how do you see yourself 10 years from now?” and I couldn’t think about it without going “you’re gonna be a guy 10 years from now.” This is messing my brain up. I can concentrate on my everyday life, my schoolwork, my homework and my daily tasks but the anxiety is always there. The thought always comes back to me. When I get one of these thoughts I immediately go “no!” and grab my head in my hands. Talking about it makes me feel a little better but it always comes back.
It tells me I’m dating my bf just cause I wanna look like him
Are you currently in therapy? Have you seen an OCD specialist and started ERP? Everything you’ve said here seems like a clear indication of OCD to me, but just knowing it’s OCD isn’t enough to heal. You need treatment. Once you’ve gone through ERP with a specialist you can certainly do it on your own, but I’d encourage professional help the first time and especially when a theme is getting out of control, like it sounds like it is now. I have trans OCD as well and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s a terrible feeling and I know that the world and your mind seem to be turning against you right now, but there is a way out with treatment.
@pureolife Hey, how are you know?
@jmarrero27 Hi there! I’m guessing you’re checking in because you also have this theme hah. I am doing great in terms of my ocd. While I still get the occasional intrusive thought about it, it really doesn’t affect my day to day life. Therapy with an ocd specialist was a lifesaver. And it’s helped me navigate other themes since.
Sorry that was long. But it feels good to spill out feelings like that. I just wish I could have a different obsession.
Ah I see. So these connections to the past ARE your intrusive thoughts. Restructuring and reframing thoughts will still be helpful. It’s a basic practice in CBT. If you do get a workbook for OCD, you’ll be asked to identify the cognitive distortion of your thoughts and reframe them. Over time it does slowly change the nature of your thoughts and your reactions to them. As far as saying “no!” to the thoughts: that’s called thought stopping and it actually has the opposite effect :/ it will make the thoughts come up more often. I’d encourage a more mindful approach: acknowledge, allow, refocus. “I’m having the thought that I’ll be a guy in 10 years from now. I’m allowing it to be there without reacting with compulsions. Now I will refocus on what’s in front of me.” And just let the anxiety dissipate on its own. At first, this may make your anxiety higher. But it will drop and is the only way to really deal with these thoughts in the long run. If you haven’t read this article yet, it does a great job at demonstrating how TOCD and actually being trans differ. https://medium.com/@jemima.s/tocd-why-we-re-seeing-transgender-themes-in-cases-of-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-bf4b869a3817 if you’re like me maybe you’ve already read it a ton of times. And in that case, you don’t need to. I don’t want it to be reassurance, just information. I am seeing an OCD specialist and was formally diagnosed a few months ago. Everything you describe sounds very similar to my experience and the experiences of those on this community with their own themes. Do try to get a few books to get you started. You may not have every resource available to you, but you have that. You may also have to push your parents a bit for help and perhaps convince them over time. Sometimes the first time we ask doesn’t land and just needs repeating. You don’t even have to tell them about your theme. Just that you’re suffering with your mental health and would like to see someone for professional help to get back to your best self.
I’m going through it right now, tough shit but acceptance will always take you to the other side of fear, it will take time
I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?
TW: GENDER OCD Okay, I posted a lil while ago about SO-OCD, but I have recently been suffering Gender OCD too. And unlike SO-OCD, this one is blowing a hole through my heart. I have never once questioned my gender. I’ve helped my trans and NB friends come out, and never once thought about my gender. But ever since my SO-OCD started and then died down, the thoughts about my gender cropped up. They range from two thoughts: I’m nonbinary, or I’m a gay trans dude in denial. And the latter one freaks me out so much, because I love reading queer media (I’m bi, and so many of my fave book series focus on gay couples), and my brain uses that as an excuse that I like it because I actually AM a gay guy. The thought is paralyzingly, and I can’t even begin to think of a way to overcome it like SO-OCD because the thought of me ‘accepting’ it as true scares the hell out of me. I can’t enjoy my favourite books anymore, or my favourite TV shows/movies. Anything with a gay couple makes my brain think I want to literally be one of them, when before I could just enjoy it for what it was, a story with queer characters. My connection to my gender is something I’ve always held dear to me, and the thought of being pulled from it is heartbreaking, and also makes me feel extremely guilty because I support trans rights so much, so why am I so scared of being trans/NB? How do I even begin to get over this when the idea of accepting the thought terrifies me? How do I begin to convince the anxiety that just because I enjoyed reading/watching something doesn’t mean I actually want it to happen in real life?
Someone please help me . I’m so tired of this gender identity thing . I did a compulsion and googled gender dysphoria symptoms and I had a panic attack . One of the articles said that sometimes children with gender dysphoria say that they are bi to suppress that they are trans and I remember when I was little I did think that I liked girls once but then I got older and realized I don’t but now I just don’t know . I took a self assessment test to see if I have gender dysphoria and it says that I don’t but then idk if I was lying or not and when I see articles on symptoms of people with trans ocd I know it sound just like me and that being a man dosnt align with who I am but then I feel like I’m lying about that too . Then it’s what if I’m non bianary ? What if I get used to the thoughts and I start to actually be comfortable as a boy ? I feel like I can’t do anything , I can’t be a mom , I can’t be a gf , I can’t be a friend a daughter and can’t do anything . I feel defeated and sad . I don’t want to be trans but it feels like I have no choice and I can’t take that I will never know if this is ocd or who I really am and it’s starting to feel like this is who I am and it makes me sad . No one around me understands and I feel like I’m putting to much on my friends and family with all of this. I just want it to stop
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