This shit is RUINING my relationship! I’m so FUCKING done with this. I think I have trans ocd but my past actions are messing with me because a couple of times in the past I said that I was trans. Like without thinking. And I’ve joked about being a boy in the past because I’m not very girly. I’m a tomboy. I’d say I was trans because I somehow thought it was cool or something. Well I’ve never hated being a girl. As a kid I was really girly like REALLY girly. I hate the thought of being trans and right now I’m going through so much anxiety. I have a boyfriend and I love him a lot but if I do turn out trans it will ruin everything. I never lay awake thinking about being a boy. I never cried or was sad because I’m a girl. I hate myself for saying these things when I was younger because now I’m so stressed about it. Please help. Am I trans for these things? Because I used to think there might be a possibility or myself being trans because I was kinda tomboyish but I never worried about it. It was just something that crossed my mind. I liked dressing masculine and looking masculine too. I remember when this whole ocd thing hit full on I clearly remember thinking “ohh this is really similar to when I had murder thoughts”. I really hope it’s ocd. Fuck this is ruining EVERYTHING. I hate this so much.

For themes like ours, the past is always going to contain “evidence” that supports our fears. Looking back to the past for answers is actually a compulsion in this case and I’d encourage you to stay out of it. If you find yourself ruminating over the past, turn the scenario into a statement rather than a judgment: “in the past I said I was trans. But that doesn’t mean I am or am not trans today.” Always lead with uncertainty with OCD. You will never be able to 100% “prove” things one way or the other.

I have TOCD as well. It ALWAYS reaches toward my past as proof. It’ll tell me the times I was attracted to women I actually wanted to be them. Then I get thrown into a tailspin. It’s awful.

Thank you guys so much! I’m so glad I’ve downloaded this app. Right now I’m at a stage where I’m concerned with the thought “am I just in denial? Am I faking this whole OCD thing?” I’m not anxious but these questions flow through my mind a lot. This has really helped me. I’m gonna ask my mom (when I get the courage lol) to get me a therapist and hopefully get my life back together. Thanks again, I have zero regrets downloading this app. I love you all❤️

I want to do therapy, but my parents are strictly against it and I can’t make my own decisions because I’m 15. The thing that really messes with me right now is my past and my actions that seem to prove that I’m trans. Thanks for helping

Also, since your parents won’t allow you to see a therapist, I’d suggest at least doing some reading on your own. There are some great OCD workbooks out there that can help you tackle this on your own: https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings

Thanks for helping! But I don’t forcefully think of my past. My brain just goes “hey remember that one time you.......” and so on. I’m just really scared it’s not OCD. Telling myself statements doesn’t help that much but I’m still trying. I really want to get this over with. This is the only thing I worry about. I’ve heard so many people on here tell me that it’s OCD and that I’ll be fine but I have a never ending doubt in my mind. This whole thing started when I was on vacation and the thought just hit me. There was no buildup to the thought. It just came with no prior warning. I’m really scared and I panic a lot but sometimes I just feel numb. I’m scared of everything in the future. I got a homework assignment asking the question “how do you see yourself 10 years from now?” and I couldn’t think about it without going “you’re gonna be a guy 10 years from now.” This is messing my brain up. I can concentrate on my everyday life, my schoolwork, my homework and my daily tasks but the anxiety is always there. The thought always comes back to me. When I get one of these thoughts I immediately go “no!” and grab my head in my hands. Talking about it makes me feel a little better but it always comes back.

It tells me I’m dating my bf just cause I wanna look like him

Are you currently in therapy? Have you seen an OCD specialist and started ERP? Everything you’ve said here seems like a clear indication of OCD to me, but just knowing it’s OCD isn’t enough to heal. You need treatment. Once you’ve gone through ERP with a specialist you can certainly do it on your own, but I’d encourage professional help the first time and especially when a theme is getting out of control, like it sounds like it is now. I have trans OCD as well and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s a terrible feeling and I know that the world and your mind seem to be turning against you right now, but there is a way out with treatment.

Sorry that was long. But it feels good to spill out feelings like that. I just wish I could have a different obsession.

Ah I see. So these connections to the past ARE your intrusive thoughts. Restructuring and reframing thoughts will still be helpful. It’s a basic practice in CBT. If you do get a workbook for OCD, you’ll be asked to identify the cognitive distortion of your thoughts and reframe them. Over time it does slowly change the nature of your thoughts and your reactions to them. As far as saying “no!” to the thoughts: that’s called thought stopping and it actually has the opposite effect :/ it will make the thoughts come up more often. I’d encourage a more mindful approach: acknowledge, allow, refocus. “I’m having the thought that I’ll be a guy in 10 years from now. I’m allowing it to be there without reacting with compulsions. Now I will refocus on what’s in front of me.” And just let the anxiety dissipate on its own. At first, this may make your anxiety higher. But it will drop and is the only way to really deal with these thoughts in the long run. If you haven’t read this article yet, it does a great job at demonstrating how TOCD and actually being trans differ. https://medium.com/@jemima.s/tocd-why-we-re-seeing-transgender-themes-in-cases-of-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-bf4b869a3817 if you’re like me maybe you’ve already read it a ton of times. And in that case, you don’t need to. I don’t want it to be reassurance, just information. I am seeing an OCD specialist and was formally diagnosed a few months ago. Everything you describe sounds very similar to my experience and the experiences of those on this community with their own themes. Do try to get a few books to get you started. You may not have every resource available to you, but you have that. You may also have to push your parents a bit for help and perhaps convince them over time. Sometimes the first time we ask doesn’t land and just needs repeating. You don’t even have to tell them about your theme. Just that you’re suffering with your mental health and would like to see someone for professional help to get back to your best self.

I’m going through it right now, tough shit but acceptance will always take you to the other side of fear, it will take time