Kissing and “Signs” (ROCD)

My boyfriend and I started dating a little over a month ago. We’ve now started discussing the next step in our relationship: intimacy. It feels quick, but we’ve known each other well over a year and we were really close friends before dating. I don’t feel ready for sex yet but we’ve started with baby steps. While kissing, my mind started to wander and he started kissing my chest (he asked first, I gave consent, and I was comfortable with him), but frankly I was bored. There were parts that were good and parts that could use some work. I didn’t tell him what felt good and what didn’t like I should have and when he asked my mind went blank. The other night he came over for dinner and we began to talk about it. He started crying and saying how he didn’t want to disappoint me. I felt so shut down because I felt like I was the one in a vulnerable situation and I was the one that wanted to talk but there I was, taking care of him. I ended up communicating what I wanted and I appreciated that he cared enough to ask and listen but at the same time he didn’t really listen because he was caught up in his own emotions. All day long I cannot get it off my mind, seriously. I looked down midway through the day to see I had dug my fingernails into the pad of my pointer finger to the point where there was a deep mark. I have felt extremely anxious and like an awful girlfriend. I do not want to have sex with him if the thought of not doing well kissing my chest upsets him to the point of tears. I just felt bad for not enjoying myself and not telling him that, but I got frustrated that he almost… victimized himself? I feel like I’m manipulating him someway and I just don’t know how. I also feel bad for not being attracted to what he was doing and I’m scared it will lead to losing all attraction. Please help, am I awful for feeling frustrated that he cried?

anyone else have ROCD that has no desire to kiss their boyfriend, I almost feel like an ick when I do, I'm scared. Help!

Is this ROCD? My girlfriend spent the night yesterday and we were cuddling when I felt that I may have not felt attraction towards her anymore. I started to freak out, because I felt that I hated her and didn't love her. When we would kiss I would get an uneasy feeling, like that I didn't want this relationship. I know I do, but it's freaking me out, it's like I can't even feel emotions towards her specifically anymore. I've been so distracted by this problem, I feel I'm also lacking attention towards her. I've been on my phone a lot during her stay because I've just been trying to distract myself. It hurts really bad, and I feel like a rude bitch.