I was texting my best friend, and I was responding to her reels. She sent this one where a little animal was having a spa day. I responded to it. After I had this feeling of attraction and I remembered a picture I had seen where I thought she looked pretty and I sent another message "aw you should have a spa day like this". I think I flirted. I was going to go see that picture too but immediately stopped myself.
I have had relationship ocd before, and I have learned that people with ocd focus too much on natural reactions and take them too seriously. Attraction is natural and who ever you are attracted to you cannot help that, ultimately its your actions that follow is what counts. I only understand this as a man attracted to females, which in my experience the desire will always be there. Being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t change that, but its ok!! Normal to be attracted. The ocd will get you with “what if”? And your cortex will generate thoughts that will provoke your Amygdala because you subconsciously made those thoughts dangerous. The fact that you are worried is a great sign. Remember you are reacting to thoughts! Not reality! Accept that you find her attractive and that your ocd is going to direct everything to that being dangerous and cause discomfort, for no reason at all. Most unwanted thoughts will surround this situation but will not have true intentions behind them, those are just false thoughts! Intention is the key in distinguishing that. I know nothing will fully satisfy ocd with this, but understanding this may help.
Just wanted to chime in as, while the other commenter has some great advice (not attaching much meaning to thoughts/reactions), there is some reassurance there that could be harmfully received. Finding someone attractive and being attracted are two very different words, one suggests an ACTION and the other is just an observation. Chances are, you find your friend attractive , just like how you may find any celebrity attractive or pretty. But saying you’re attracted or desiring this person—we can’t say. No one can. That’s where the cheating OCD comes in and that’s why you are flaring up, because you are afraid you have desire. I’m not going to give you answers and tell you have desire and that’s it’s okay to desire—because you could take that and say, “oh so I AM doing wrong but I just have to accept it.” No, no you don’t have to accept it! Accept that you have OCD and doubts, but don’t accept answers! You don’t have to find the answer, THAT’S what you have to take away here! Maybe you are attracted, maybe you’re not. THE uncertainty will SUCK, but you will find the OCD will back down the less you try to figure out the answer. Take care! ♥️
@chibiyu Not hating on the other comment because they had great insights, just adding my own take! I find when we’re in vulnerable states like this we try to find loopholes in every reassuring comment we receive—trying to use someone’s comments to “prove” we did do the bad thing is one of those mental loopholes I’ve fallen prey to in the past. So just in case, hope my comment helps with that!
Thank you for taking the time to read my post! I agree the uncertainty is always the worst. I appreciate your words, they helped me see the things in a new perspective.
I double texted a girl that I really like today (we just started talking last week) and I'm kind of going insane now... is double texting actually that bad or am I having a flare-up?
Five years ago I met my fiancé and fell in love. At the time, I was a complete degenerate dating multiple women, but was looking for an opportunity to throw away that old way of living. After some months she said "I feel weird not calling you my boyfriend". This, In my mind was her saying she wants to be exclusive. I can't remember if this was the weekend after or if it was a weekend before but I think it was the weekend after: Someone who I never met, barely knew, found on Tinder from years ago, and whom I very rarely texted, texted me late at night and kept trying to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I initially replied with short, generic responses. This worked for a little while until there was one one moment I remember where she said, "I wish you were here right now" and I said "Me too". I know you won't believe me, but in the moment I completely forgot I was then very recently supposed to be in a committed relationship. I messaged her afterwards and told her that I loved (Fiancé's name) and told her not to talk to me ever again. It was after that where I couldn't live with myself and reached out to my OCD therapist. This was almost 5 years ago. He related it to pornography and those old classified ads in the newspapers where you would call them up and pay by the minute. He said I did the right thing and told me to just never talk to her again and to move forward. I never did anything like that ever again, and I am marrying her in less than two months. Part of me doesn't want to hurt her feelings for no reason so close to our date, the other OCD part of me wants to confess. Any advice?
When I was half asleep today, trying to wake up, my brain kept asking me if I thought this picture of my friend was attractive, I kept replying with “ maybe, I don’t know, I really can’t tell” .. or… “ I feel like I do” “ maybe I do” “ I feel like I might” ,, and then I’m like wait she’s 13 in these pictures, I’m not sure if I was aware of it, but still, it doesn’t matter, I’m still saying it and I’m like “why am I saying this??” I generally don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t wanna be a bad person, I just don’t understand why I think this is play to say, or feel?? Maybe because my brain is trying to justify it? It tries to justify everything wrong, so makes it feel like it so it makes it harder… I feel like a genuine bad person, because I don’t know how I feel about it, I really don’t know, I’m scared does it mean I’m a bad person? Because I don’t know how I feel about it. I asked myself if I’m genuinely attracted. And I don’t know anymore. Because I don’t know how I feel about it anymore, I feel like my brain is playing a part in it because it tries to tell me that it’s not wrong. Yes it is wrong though but it’s like no it’s not wrong, It makes me really scared. I generally feel like I’m attracted to her and that I have nothing against it and I don’t know what to do anymore., some people may argue that it’s not wrong, but I believe it’s wrong. So I have no idea why I fucking said that. I genuinely think it’s over. I don’t know if I actually am anymore. I asked myself do I actually feel attraction, because i used to go to a conclusion and say no I don’t. And actually feel that way. But now I don’t feel anything but like pain. Because I don’t want to be. At the same time I feel like I just lied and I do want to feel attraction. I just wanna explain how I feel but I can’t. All I know and what I can explain, is that when my brain was asking me these things I said “ I feel like I might maybe I do I can’t tell “ and why did I say that to a 13-year-old? Why? And why am I still saying it even after realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. I’m 16 for goodness sake. I don’t wanna think about these things. My brain is making me feel like I do and I do and I’m like I’m so confused.
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