I was texting my best friend, and I was responding to her reels. She sent this one where a little animal was having a spa day. I responded to it. After I had this feeling of attraction and I remembered a picture I had seen where I thought she looked pretty and I sent another message "aw you should have a spa day like this". I think I flirted. I was going to go see that picture too but immediately stopped myself.
I have had relationship ocd before, and I have learned that people with ocd focus too much on natural reactions and take them too seriously. Attraction is natural and who ever you are attracted to you cannot help that, ultimately its your actions that follow is what counts. I only understand this as a man attracted to females, which in my experience the desire will always be there. Being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t change that, but its ok!! Normal to be attracted. The ocd will get you with “what if”? And your cortex will generate thoughts that will provoke your Amygdala because you subconsciously made those thoughts dangerous. The fact that you are worried is a great sign. Remember you are reacting to thoughts! Not reality! Accept that you find her attractive and that your ocd is going to direct everything to that being dangerous and cause discomfort, for no reason at all. Most unwanted thoughts will surround this situation but will not have true intentions behind them, those are just false thoughts! Intention is the key in distinguishing that. I know nothing will fully satisfy ocd with this, but understanding this may help.
Just wanted to chime in as, while the other commenter has some great advice (not attaching much meaning to thoughts/reactions), there is some reassurance there that could be harmfully received. Finding someone attractive and being attracted are two very different words, one suggests an ACTION and the other is just an observation. Chances are, you find your friend attractive , just like how you may find any celebrity attractive or pretty. But saying you’re attracted or desiring this person—we can’t say. No one can. That’s where the cheating OCD comes in and that’s why you are flaring up, because you are afraid you have desire. I’m not going to give you answers and tell you have desire and that’s it’s okay to desire—because you could take that and say, “oh so I AM doing wrong but I just have to accept it.” No, no you don’t have to accept it! Accept that you have OCD and doubts, but don’t accept answers! You don’t have to find the answer, THAT’S what you have to take away here! Maybe you are attracted, maybe you’re not. THE uncertainty will SUCK, but you will find the OCD will back down the less you try to figure out the answer. Take care! ♥️
@chibiyu Not hating on the other comment because they had great insights, just adding my own take! I find when we’re in vulnerable states like this we try to find loopholes in every reassuring comment we receive—trying to use someone’s comments to “prove” we did do the bad thing is one of those mental loopholes I’ve fallen prey to in the past. So just in case, hope my comment helps with that!
Thank you for taking the time to read my post! I agree the uncertainty is always the worst. I appreciate your words, they helped me see the things in a new perspective.
content warning: talks of explicit acts and fear of cheating or attraction to another person I had a dream yesterday about breaking up with my boyfriend and now I had a dream I cheated on him. They scared me but I've realized that they don't really mean anything. I only am freaking out again because while I was self pleasuring earlier, I was thinking of my partner and watching him until I had an intrusive thought someone I just saw in a tik tok and that got me there. im so scared because I didn't mean to let my mind slip and I really feel like I need to talk to my partner about this because i feel so guilty and I know something like this would hurt me if the situation was flipped so I don't know what to do. why did I like the thought so much to that point??? how do I convince myself I don't need to tell my partner even though the guilt is setting in and it feels so wrong? I feel ashamed and unfaithful and terrible I hate that this happened how I do know what to do what if it wasn't an intrusive thought and I enjoyed it even though I tried to change my thoughts?
Is it normal to be flattered when the opposite gender gives you attention and to like to feel pretty? I have a loving boyfriend and I would never cheat on him. I feel like I emotionally cheated because I was dancing at a wedding reception and was enjoying that this MUCH older, popular, “attractive” guy was noticing me. I tried to move my butt or dance “better” when he was looking?? My boyfriend was not at this reception and I was drinking. When the older guy left, I was sad because I wasn’t going to get the attention that I was getting. But we didn’t have a conversation other than him saying a few words to me. I did not say anything back to him. But I did enjoy his attention because I felt pretty. I never ever wanted to cheat on my boyfriend. I just wanted to look good. I don’t know why. This sounds awful. This incident was almost two years ago and I still feel horrible about it. My dad has told me this is human nature and I’m just overthinking it. I’ve already told my boyfriend and he was hurt but he said it would be like him wanting to look good on the beach in front of people.
I double texted a girl that I really like today (we just started talking last week) and I'm kind of going insane now... is double texting actually that bad or am I having a flare-up?
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