Help.

I don't know. I saw exposed legs with white stockings. What if I was attracted by them? I'm afraid I was...

yes. maybe a bug in the head it's the fact that if it was an adult woman wearing stockings I would be attracted. i don't understand. It bothers me the fact that adult and ***s are associated in a way because we all share the same body parts. And I find in a woman very attractive the chest and the gluteus, or legs with stockings. So what if I feel the same attraction anyway when i find those same elements on a ***? I can't live with the fact that I was maybe attracted.

One could say that the anxiety and the rumination over what happened is an indication that I wasn't attracted, because if I was I wouldn't be making such a fuss. But maybe I'm in denial. I think that you can be attracted and still be bothered by it. I remember in a confusing dream that I had where something triggering like that appeared and I felt automatic arousal. Maybe it was involuntary, but I don't remember if I liked it, I have a vague memory of me being like glad that it happened in the dream. Maybe it didn't happen, but if when I woke up and realised what happened i felt such dread thinking that something irreversible happened I'm more inclined to think that the worst happened in that dream. If I allowed myself to feel that way in that dream, who's to say that I wasn't genuinely attracted this time by the sight of those elements? If I was normal I wouldn't have noticed them.

@Nameless000 With ocd, we become stressed about something that conflicts with our very core. Most of the time it's an intrusive thought and we wonder why the hell would I think that? Following that, our brains decide to put an alarm on that thought, labelling it as a threat. That's just the brain trying to protect you. Brains are amazing but also dumb. So when you get stressed about something and don't address or identify the stressor for what it actually is, your brain will try to fill in the gaps as a sort of coping mechanism, usually leading to the alarm being rang. The false alarm. Then compulsions follow, the false solutions. - read between the lines of your emotions and find out what actually stressed you and deal with that as it is. - learn how to deal with intrusive thoughts the right way - resist compulsions and familiarise yourself with the different types The contents of your theme do not matter, the three things above are what matters in recovery

@Wolfram I don't know if I can apply the same thing here. What do you think about what I said in regards of association? Finding the same thing you're attracted by on something you're triggered by? Does that create on confusion in your head and create false attraction? Or is it chemical attraction anyway that we cannot control but we label it as "false" because we don't want it.

@Nameless000 The association thing is weird but common and not just something people with ocd deal with. I remember working with someone once and we were driving along. Someone was wearing something a bit sexual in the distance and he made a comment. When we got closer it turned out to be someone quite young. His response was "oops" and laughed it off. He doesn't have ocd and I know people with it would act different. Unfortunately there is a culture where either certain clothing, people or objects are oversexualised. Maybe the problem isn't the person wearing it but the relationship towards the choice of clothing. It's a weird world we live in. I remember singing backstreet boys as a kid "am I sexual" at a school disco when I was under 10 and had zero idea what that meant. It's insane that's normalised. This is the world we live in though. It won't change. What it means to work on yourself is to not wait for anything or anyone else to change for you.

@Wolfram But what if I was actually attracted from those legs with stockings. My psychiastrist said something horrible once: "that is normal to be attracted as long as you don't do anything bad"; then I stopped seeing it. So what if I feel all this stress because I was attracted by something that I don't agree with and dont want to be attracted by, but I got attracted anyway? That this stress isn't indication of not being attracted. That attraction itself is something that you can't control. I don't want to have been attracted. Do normal people feel attraction but don't make a fuss? I can't live in a world like that, I don't want to be subjected to this reality. I feel the need to check again that triggering post and monitor the way I feel. But I have a bad feeling about it, maybe something worse happens. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I wish I never had these issues. I wish I could only see adult girls and not be bothered by other stuff. Meanwhile for some reason I'm feeling a lot of groinal responses, maybe for anxiety maybe because I imagined stockings on an adult woman before to see if I would be attracted by that. I'm sorry I'm writing too much, I know you're not my personal therapist and you already gave the better advices on what to actually focus on. But I can't do it.

@Nameless000 I stopped seeing him*

@Nameless000 Try calm yourself down. You're in a stressed state and it's hard to rationalise. Revisit this when you're truly calm. Education to what ocd is, plays a big part. Maybe watch a YouTube video on it. or use the sos feature on this app (that doesn't work for me personally)

@Wolfram I know i'm supposed to practice uncertainty, but i cant tolerate the fact that "what could be could just be". That the truth is obvious but I'm not willing to accept it. I'll stop now.

@Wolfram I'm sorry bro. I went to check again and realised that what I saw weren't stockings, my mind warped what I saw into something worse. I was calmer than before, I don't think I was attracted. I think it was a lie of my brain that I believed in. What actually bothered me were the exposed legs, felt like my eyes shouldn't be seeing something like that, I felt uncomfortable. (am I se&ualizing?) So this time I could tell that I was just triggered and not attracted. But the key word is *this time*. I wonder if this time and before are two different istances. If before when in my mind I thought I saw stockings, was I just irrationally obsessing over my feelings and attributing them false labels, following the false ocd narrative built in my head (-> so I wasn't attracted but only distressed like this time) or was I actually attracted by what I thought I saw? This are unanswerable questions right? I'm only comfortable looking at women and girls my age. I only want to see those things. I wish that I never see ***s at all.

@Nameless000 You'll find your answers in your education about ocd, not the questions the ocd asks. Big tip there 👍