P0rn and rocd

My boyfriend used to have a porn addiction and he says that he quit and I believe him but my ocd is crazy latched on to it and I just feel like every time he doesnt respond he is watching porn. I dont know what to do and I feel so so sick. Its making me feel gross whenever I think about sex or think about him being sexual and I feel sick with anxiety. I dont jnow what to do. Can anyone relate or does anyone have any advice? This is taking up every hour of every day worrying

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 26w ago

I relate. my bf didn't have an addiction but he did use to watch and I asked him to stop which he said he did. after a bunch of different things happened, it was later revealed that he still watched hentai and thought that it didn't count but he apologized and said he'd stop and was truly sorry but it has still caused crazy trust issues and betrayal trauma that are intense and difficult to manage. My ocd has definitely latched onto this as well and made my relationship so much more difficult to heal and a big compulsion is looking through his phone when he spends the night (we have an agreement that we have full access to each others phones just out of respect and to show we have nothing to hide but it's just become a compulsion) or always asking him what he's doing. Just remember that if there is anything happening, you will always find out eventually. I still think about it often sometimes and it destroys me, but healing does take time. feel free to reach out I have have some resources that helped me feel less alone about how I was feeling and also sometimes just talking can help!

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

@stxrmads Thank you so so much for taking the time to comment this. I’m sorry that you had to go through a similar experience and deal with that trauma. My boyfriend told me I can go through his phone if I want to but I know that if I do it’s going to turn into a compulsion so I’m Doing my best not to. But I constantly ask him what hes doing as a compulsion and I ask for a lot of reassurance. Its really damaging to our relationship and has fed into the rocd so much. I really relate to you and your advice is really helpful. I’m doing my best to hang on and not do compulsions as we heal. And also reminding me of the fact that I’ll find out eventually if there is is also helpful. Its just hard with betrayal, because we so desperately want to stop anymore hurt before it happens. Also can I have those resources?? Thank you again:)❤️

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 26w ago

@Anonymous243 How old are your if you don't mind answering? therapy for OCD is important but when a relationship goes through a big trauma like this, seeing a licensed and experienced pshycologist who specializes in relationships would be extremely helpful in the healing process and building trust if it is an option. money restrictions do not allow it for me and boyfriend, but it could be helpful!! I personally gravitate towards a wonderful lady who founded a therapy service called Growing Self. You can find her on Instagram at @drlisamariebobby https://www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby?igsh=azFqZ3d4d3prZzNq <- here and her podcast is linked in her description. the episodes about rebuilding trust after betrayal trauma have been super helpful, and her insight is truly incredible. There are also articles on the growing self website about trust and similar topics that are super helpful. when it comes to talking about porn addiction specifically, a woman on tiktok by the user of @thatsnitlove https://www.tiktok.com/@thatsnotlove?_t=8nLWFk0FFcc&_r=1 <- here has been super comforting when processing my emotions or feeling like I'm crazy and just need someone who understands how I feel. her videos are all about how harmful porn is to relationships and to women in general and how the prominent and casual sexualization of women is extremely hurtful. she also recommends and offers resources for people handling porn addiction in a relationship and still trying to heal or recover such as accountability apps and just how to handle addiction in general. I love her. She has experienced and healed from dealing with this specifically and she gives me so much hope. I hope she can do the same for you and your significant other.

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

@stxrmads Omg thank you so much. That all looks really great and I cant wait to look more into it. I really appreciate all your help ❤️

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

@stxrmads I’m gonna be of age soon so Im hoping I can get a therapist on my own and have it be confidential. I’m sorry that didnt work out for you due to financial reasons. I hope you can find something affordable soon!

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 26w ago

@Anonymous243 of course !! 🫶

Username: Misstama65Misstama65

Date posted: 18w ago

I would be interested I. The resources also

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

Also to be clear when I say gross I mean that I feel wrong thinking about sexual things or having sex and I feel like its wrong to be doing those things or wrong for him to. And as someone else said on another post, masturbatinf is a normal thing to do and I dont want to feel otherwise about it when ocd gets in the way. But I really dont want porn in our relationship and I think those needs should be able to be achieved without something so addictive and harmful like porn

Username: AGPymAGPym

Date posted: 26w ago

@Anonymous243 you say you feel gross about sexual issues have you considered that you might be ACE (asexual)? As a gay man I struggled with the perception that we are all hyper-sexual men, when I don’t even enjoy porn outside of the enjoyment of a partner, but I have struggled with being ACE until it was explained that one of the cornerstones of being ACE is being repulsed by sex or in more colloquial terms grossed out. I have through discovery and therapy that I am not ACE because I lack the repulsion factor but rather just not a very sexual person, but my OCD grove me crazy with the need to know, and the feelings of being weird. The OCD ruined a bunch of relationships for mr because I had phone compulsion and sometimes it was validated by catching them cheating on me and sometimes it caused more trust issues.

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

@AGPym Thanks for commenting! I thought I might be asexual a few years ago but this was before my boyfriend and I got together and I realized I wasnt. Sex is a complex thing and ive realized I just needed to figure out what was right for me. I think ocd just makes me think its wrong sometimes. I’m sorry you had to go through something similar and I hope things are better now ❤️❤️

Username: nochristina

Date posted: 3y ago

So I've always had an issue about my partners watching porn. I've always felt super uncomfortable with it and just now realized that maybe it has to do with rocd... but then I fight myself on it because I feel like maybe it's just something that I strongly believe in. My current boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for not letting him watch porn. I then caught him watching porn once after he said he wouldn't and I freaked out. I felt really insecure. He said that he would stop doing it but I obsess over it and I check his phone when he's not looking. I also obsess over if he is talking to other girls. And then when I don't find anything, i tell myself that he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.

Username: BC123

Date posted: 45w ago

ROCD

I think I have relationship OCD. I will be doing great with my boyfriend then out of no where I get this intrusive thought that he thinks other people are attractive and has a wandering eye for others and I need reassurance immediately. And when he gives me reassurance, I think he’s lying. After like an hour of back and forth repetitive conversation I feel better, then the next day it happens again. Every. Single. Day. I freak out and blow up and need reassurance. I can’t tell if I’m getting these thoughts because they are true or because I’ve been with someone in the past who has cheated on me so I believe that all people get these thoughts. I’m so ready for a cure. Does anyone know what to do? I don’t want to live with this

Username: Anonymous243

Date posted: 26w ago

Porn and rocd

Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?

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