Frustrated with Posts

Hey y’all this is my first post. I’ve known I’ve had ocd for around 6 years now, but haven’t had much specialized help (just a standard therapist, who is great, she suggested this app) I’m mainly just posting to vent and for people to hopefully make me feel a little less alone in my current situation. I’ve developed coping skills for many of my ocd obsessions in the past, but haven’t really made a dent in what I’m realizing is pretty bad ROCD. I was in an abusive relationship for about 4 years, and it was this weird thing where like I would not only be unhappy from the abuse but also have intense ROCD. Which is relevant, because I’m now in a super happy and healthy relationship, but am unfortunately still experiencing ROCD. And of COURSE that makes my brain feel either like love is just never going to work out for me, or that this new relationship is wrong for me, which I know isn’t the case. But it’s just so exhausting feeling like I have this horrible brain fog around my partner half the time. I never felt like this when my partner and I were just best friends for 6 months, and all that’s changed is that she is even sweeter and more attentive to me. This just all sucks so bad, and I think I should talk to a specialist about it.

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

I’ve completed 11 sessions so far and I can honestly see progress. I’m not back to my “normal” self but I’m gaining parts of my life and my personality back. I never knew I had OCD. I always attributed things to anxiety. Being diagnosed let me know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and that there’s help for me. I have a long list of OCD subtypes. As you can imagine, the thoughts and images in my head were extremely distressing and I was concerned for my quality of life and my sanity. 11 sessions in and I’m able to watch shows and movies without being scared I’ll see a trigger, I can practice exposures and navigate through my obsessions better, and I’m finding joy in the little moments in life. I used to avoid so many things and people because I was scared I’d have intrusive thoughts. I still struggle with intrusive thoughts every single day. Some days and even weeks are bad and I struggle more than usual. I have mood swings, extreme irritability, and even sometimes experiencing depersonalization. Sometimes I just plain out feel uncomfortable and weird. But like my therapist said, progress is not linear. I’m learning to count my wins instead of always counting my losses. I’m learning to enjoy the little bits of life that are ok, and I feel proud when I get through hard moments. I’m excited for the future. I’m excited to see how much I progress. Sometimes I’m still scared but I know that’s my OCD trying to get me to quit because we both know this ERP therapy is helping. If you’re struggling, please seek help. It does get better. I wanted to quit after doing my first exposure. I’m so happy I didn’t. And on hard days when I want to give up, I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.