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I keep getting thoughts like ‘what happens if it isn’t OCD’. Recently I keep getting random thoughts that pop into my head that happened YEARS ago that somehow ‘prove my ocd wrong and that i am gay’, these are memories that i haven’t thought about for years and when i did i didn’t think anything of them because i didn’t think that it proved i was gay because that never crossed my mind but now my mind is making into this whole thing and it’s like proof that it’s real. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD or anything so this constant doubt is debilitating. How do you know if it’s OCD? I do have history of repetitive behaviours as a child but not fully fledged OCD but in the last couple of years this obsession that i might be gay has been debilitating. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. I just want to enjoy life without a constant voice in my head.

Sexual Orientation OCD

AaaAnonymous

Date posted: 1y

I totally get this

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

In the same boat as me

Zoroarcanine

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

That thought is a prevalent one that pops up for me, or some similar variation. The truth is we may never know, but when we’re not obsessing over it I bet you don’t question yourself at all. Getting an OCD diagnosis does help but it will not magically stop the doubt. The best thing I can recommend is trying to get into therapy if possible. Chances are OCD may be effecting other aspects of your life that you may not even be aware of

lalalalal166373

Date posted: 1y

@Zoroarcanine what other aspects of my life could it be effecting? sorry for the personal question but how does it effect you?

Zoroarcanine

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@lalalalal166373 For me I had OCD cross into health concerns quite a bit. For example, whenever I couldn’t fall asleep at night, my mind would jump to that I had this super rare disease where I would never be able asleep again, slowly go crazy, and die. It made me super anxious whenever night came and very in my head just trying to make myself fall asleep. It also could not be though, but once I became aware of OCD, it helped me view other anxious moments I had, that I thought was just GAD related, in a new light

Zoroarcanine

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@lalalalal166373 I’ll also include the compulsions this specific thoughts led me to since each new night would be the night that I now had this sleeping disease - taking my Lexapro at that moment when trying to fall asleep because it’ll make my anxiety go away (not how it works and I would not be taking my Lexapro before hand) - Lexapro doesn’t work, take melatonin gummies - both of those didn’t work right away, turn on tv to fall asleep - eventually that would work BUT, I would become worked up that it might disturb my wife so I also didn’t want to keep it on for long so she wouldn’t wake up - unable to fall asleep, the couch always comforts me so I would move downstairs BUT I would think how I’ll always need to sleep on the couch now and that means I’ll never share a bed with my wife which means we’ll fall out of love and she’ll love me so I also have to try to sleep upstairs.. - and more My health concerns OCD, would blend into ROCD thoughts and SO OCD thoughts, but again this is just an example pertaining to me so OCD it could be or may not be affecting other areas of your life that you haven’t realized

Elliesmith

Date posted: 23w

Is this ocd

So my whole life I’ve been heterosexual. I have got hocd so I worry I’m a lesbian when I have no reason to worry about it because im straight ( not that my ocd likes to think that tho lol! ). But there’s this thought I have, How do I know I’m 100% straight if I haven’t tried sleeping with a girl? Bear in mind I’ve NEVER WANTED TO and DONT want too. Hence why it is an INTRUSIVE thought. But the thought is so uncomfortable- I can’t seem to shift it. But i do see that THIS IS OCD & wanting to know for certain. Thats the definition of OCD. I do know that but it’s tough with the stupid doubts!!! Do you guys just live with the unknown / uncertainty. I’m so happy and love my boyfriend and only want to be with him etc. Let me say again, I DONT want to sleep with a girl nor have I ever fantasized about it. But why does ocd want 100% certainty.. I just wanna not have that weird niggling thought.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

anonymous00001

Date posted: 20w

Looking for “proof” that it’s not OCD

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

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