Alone

OCD makes me feel so alone. These last few months I feel like I’ve been unable to be honest or open fully with anyone. I’m so ashamed of what’s inside me and I’m scared. I feel like everything is my fault and I’m lonely despite having wonderful people and things in my life. I am alone and feel so fake and disingenuous.

I’m fairly new to treating my OCD and have felt crazy for most of my life. It didn’t help that no one in my life truly understood OCD and always said I was being dramatic. I very recently (within the past few months) finally got diagnosed with OCD and my whole life started to make sense. However, I recently opened up to someone I really believed I trusted about the intrusive thoughts I have and now feel worse than I ever have before. They essentially called me a psychopath and said they are worried for the people around me. Even though I would and could never hurt anyone. I’ve never felt more alone and broken in my life. I already try very hard to hide my OCD and everything associated with it because no one in my life understands so it’s been easier to deal with it myself than listen to everyone say whatever they have to say about my situation. After what happened today I’m even more inclined to just keep it to myself. I don’t know what I’m expecting from writing this but I figure this is the best place to write what I’m feeling. Going through OCD is hard enough on it’s own. But when people are telling you they think you’re a danger to society and are crazy because of your intrusive thoughts it really hurts. I’m just tired.

Having ocd is a nightmare. I feel so alone. Most of society doesn’t understand it and it feels so awful. I feel like sometimes I don’t have anyone I can really vent to because no one truly gets it. My family and husband are supportive but I feel like they just don’t truly get it.