What do I do??

Something about my bf is bothersome to me and makes me anxious in public, but I can’t entirely figure out what it is, and it’s so exhausting trying to make sense of it. I can’t tell if it’s the way he acts in public with our friends, or if it’s just the way he sounds when he’s being cheeky and having fun with our friends, or if it’s both, or if it’s neither. I’m worried because the more I try and think about it and try to figure it out the more I feel like maybe I won’t be able to ever handle it, maybe I’ll dislike it forever, and maybe it’ll be the death of my relationship. It’s so stressful and exhausting. I feel so anxious when I know I have to hang out with my bf together with other people. I just want to be able to hang out with him in public around our friends and be happy. I want to stop being so anxious and worried and bothered. > and I want to stop feeling the impending “ick”! < I’m worried that me feeling bothered and turned off by his traits means I should just leave. I want this to work out so badly, but I can’t even figure out entirely what it is that bugs me so much, and even if I did I know it’s not something he can just change, nor do I want him to change. I want to learn acceptance. But how do I learn to accept when it bugs me so much. I just want to stop feeling this way all the time.

Relationship OCD

m1ghty_cat9990

Date posted: 1y

OCD all the way. If I have an overwhelming feeling of something bothering me in regards to my partner and I can't pinpoint what it is, it's your ocd trying to create a problem. Because of the feeling you create a thousand things that aren't really a problem and assume it must be that. You just accept it, doesn't matter how much it bothers you. You just tell your ocd you may or may not be able to live with it.

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@m1ghty_cat9990 What if there are genuinely things that bother me tho? Sometimes I feel like I can pinpoint it. I usually only feel that way when we’re in public with friends, he definitely acts differently around our friends (i.e. more hyper and energetic, more playful and cheeky, his voice sounds different, etc.) and I’m worried that I don’t like his social personality

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@m1ghty_cat9990 Like I tend to fixate on and feel bothered by his voice, it sounds different from when we’re having relaxing conversations together, and the way he sounds when he’s talking with friends is bothersome to be, and I don’t want it to be. And the same goes for some of his hyperness and cringiness in public too.

m1ghty_cat9990

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous_confessions That's fine, everyone has flaws. Nobody loves everything about their partner, it's just not realistic. The thing with ocd is that it makes those flaws worse, more pronounced. When you spend all day thinking about what you dislike about your partner, you'll start to truly feel it and it'll get worse. The problem is not with your boyfriend though, the problem is the rumination. What works best for people is just to accept it, no matter who you are with you will find something to pick apart, it could be something as small as how their hands look because that's how this disease works! You don't need to like his social personality. The key is to stop fighting or checking your feelings, it takes time but it's amazing how much it works for people.

m1ghty_cat9990

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous_confessions The problem is the fixation, not his voice. Treat the ocd. The point of treatment is not to figure out whether it's how you truly feel or not, it's to get you to a stable point and to see reality clearly so that if these things are truly a real problem and you can't take it, you'll be relaxed and able to make a proper decision.

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@m1ghty_cat9990 Thank you for the positive tips 🫶 I want to practice acceptance when it comes to the flaws but it’s definitely difficult. Maybe I need to start with simply accepting these feelings and thoughts about the flaws first, because I always get more hung up on how I feel about the flaws, than I do the flaws themselves

m1ghty_cat9990

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous_confessions Believe me I totally understand you like a thousand million percent, but it does not always have to be like this. You need to take care of yourself, ocd is just a big bully that wants to scare us and take away things and people that make us happy. It takes time for sure, but you will see improvement if you let the feelings and thoughts pass by. ERP is really great for this stuff, you can do this :)

MidoriCora124

Date posted: 22w

My relationship - potential tw???

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month and 27 days and I love him but sometimes I just get the ick when I shouldn’t. I feel that he’s showing me too much affection and repeating things and I don’t wanna be rude and say I’m getting bored. Nor do I want to break up with him. He drove 7 hours just to see me and spent money on me the whole time we were hanging out. And it was fun. The last relationship he ever had was when he was in kindergarten.. so I’m assuming it’s just a new to relationships kind of thing so he accidentally love bombs me but he doesn’t make me feel bad. He’s just so annoying sometimes and I was wondering what I should do. I was considering just being blunt with him whenever I got the ick again. I just feel really bad and like I’m the problem. Thoughts?

mri12

Date posted: 18w

how can I fix this thought?

For some reason, my brain gets upset when my boyfriend hangs out with other people. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I understand that he has a life outside of our relationship, and that’s great. He reassures me all the time, in fact, he often tells me he would rather spend time with me than with his friends. He’s a perfect partner, and I love him more than anything. However, I don’t want this to become an issue in our relationship. I know why my mind thinks this way, even though I don’t believe it to be true. My brain keeps telling me that he would rather be somewhere else than with me. Those words repeat in my head every time he’s out with friends, and I don’t know why. I want to find a solution to this obsessive and jealous thought so that I don’t ruin his time with friends. I really need help with this issue.❤️

user36373738

Date posted: 8w

Please help

I really need help. My brain is torturing me right now. Basically me and my boyfriend went through a really rough patch and he wasn’t communicating what was wrong and I started to just lose feelings and not feel how I used to which was the most upsetting thing because I swear we are soulmates. Anyway so we broke up for like a day before he realized he’s really sad without me and he is finally willing to work on communication and our issues and this is the most I’ve really ever felt he notices it this time. I am supposed to go see him and he is so excited and I’m freaking out. I want to see him but I keep thinking how it’s triggering for me cause I don’t want to go back to that rough patch cause it lasted a long time. I want to try again but I also feel like it’s easier to just run away from everything. It feels like I got to know his personality but that isn’t fair to say because now he’s aware and wants to change. I’m scared because I know feelings can come back and I hope mine can cause right now I just keep replaying the past and the bad stuff. He seems really willing to work on it this time which should make me so happy but I’m also so scared things will go back to how they were and I’m worried if I’m this anxious my body is telling me he isn’t right for me and that it’s not ocd which would really upset me because I’ve had such hope. I know my feelings started to go away but that’s cause of how we were to each other and now we are aware of the problem. Does it mean I shouldn’t be with him if the thought of trying again makes me so anxious or is that just the fear? I wish this wanting to work through things happened before I felt like this and now I’m scared I won’t get it back. I’m also scared that there is someone out there better for me and by being with him I’m blocking that. But the thought of being without him makes me so sad. I want to try to see him differently and maybe see it’s different but I’m scared it’s not. I’m afraid of a million things. What if it’s too late and I can’t get my feelings back? What if I’m forever anxious around him? What if being with him prevents me from meeting other people? I haven’t seen him in a while cause he was away and people say I won’t know how I feel till I see him. It feels like once I get there I already know though that I’ll have the same thoughts and won’t be able to get back to how I felt because it became uncomfortable but I’ve heard I’m anticipating it. I’m scared it’s gut and not ocd

Relationship OCD

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