My friend

TRIGGER WARNING FOR CSA AND CHILD ABUSE so I had a friend named Asher He was really okay before he started to traumadump on me He was talking about sh as something normal and I didnt care enough about him to try and do something with it He was also talking about his obsessions,there wouldnt be anything bad in it if I have agreed on that because with my severe anxiety I started to mirror his obsessions,th3y are still with me till this day I only cared about him cause he was alwayd reassuring me and I thinked of him as someone with the aesthetic I like The end of our relation started when he was smoking ciggarettes at the age of 13,because of that I was so scared and disgusted Ive been in a constant anxiety attack for a whole 4 days Then he told me about his disgusting relationship with his parents and sisters It was just making me want to vomit Talking to him was hard But I build a really strong obsession over how he made me feel so I kept with contacting him The thing that made me completly despise him was when we were joking and he told me about how he had sex at the age of 12 while his ocd was really severe I was so fucking disgusted,especially because he didnt wanted to answer on with who he did that I was so scared,I didnt care about him but on how did that affected me I feel complete disgust to him,and I feel awful with it I know he was a victim but the way he said that and just all of this was too much for me(I also have sexual trauma and I hate any kind of sexuality,and the worst part is that I feel complete fear and disgust towards people who got graped or are hypersexual.I know its wrong and disgusting but I dont know how can I help it) I got so scared I had a severe anxiety attack where I could barely breathe It was all so scary and overwhmeling The second he told me that I started to feel this extreme rage disgust and hatred Since then,I didnt talked to him I dont know why but I immediately started looking for new friend I would call in automatically Because I was so fucking scared and panicked All of this made me go into socd episode which lasted for a month or two Now I have intrusive thoughts about "what if something will start to remind you of him" and thats awful I know Im not a good person and Im dissapointed with myself,but when Ill just get a therapist I surely will try to work on it

"Pure" OCD

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 16w

So my now ex-bf exposed himself publicly.

Hi I was on here a few days ago talking about how I have POCD because of CSA & how I couldn’t trust my bf. I ended up telling him about this while we were out in nature one day, a pretty secluded area but there were still children visible in the area. We changed by holding a towel up around each other. That was a bit too much for me but I needed to change. He had to urinate and he went behind a tree but I told him just to go in the water because if anyone catches any glimpse of him on accident, it’s illegal and just wrong especially because there were kids across the river. I ended up confronting him about my OCD fears, which was causing me to distrust him (I don’t even trust my own brothers). This man was my first everything, I loved him so much I wanted to trust him so badly. He ended up being offended after I shared my fears. He was offended that I would ever think of him as someone who would hurt kids (like my dad did to me 💔. and yes, he knew what happened to me as a child before alllll of this happened so I though he would understand). He was so offended he told me it was time to go home. He changed in f*cking public. IN PUBLIC AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT CHILDREN MIGHT SEE. We drove 1hr+ back home in silence. It didn’t even process in my mind fully, after this happened I was texting him how much I loved him and didn’t want to break up. But as I started to think about that moment I just feel sick in my stomach. I hate myself I hate my l-fe I genuinely don’t want to b3 h3r3. I’m probably gonna get rid of myself. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t even be in love in peace. I can’t nothing is normal in my life nobody is normal I can’t do this anymore

isharemycigs

Date posted: 14w

What do I do

when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do

Mitu_001

Date posted: 9w

I am terrified I am a monster

TW:trauma.. This can be very triggering... I was outside walking my dog.I met with the family of the kid who was hurt years ago(I mentioned abt this..it was really a bad and traumatizing event) .I warned them abt a dog (bcs they have a dog too ) who was walking around and bcs I think I saw it another day .And I talked with their mom and I thought: Am I lying ? Am I manipulating her into thinking I am a caring person when in reality I am not.Because I didnt helped the kid when they needed help.I was right there and didnt help and didnt told them.I feel like a traitor.Everytime we met and talk I am scared my friendly interactions mean I am lying to them and manipulate them.Bcs I didnt help their kid...:,( I am so so sorry for them.I feel like I left them in danger back then,that it was my fault..I cant stop thinking abt how they trusted me and I didnt help..and that event.Because no one should go through that..especially a kid.I am scared honestly..even now .And I am worried.I only care bcs their parents will be mad and blame me..I am scared I dont care abt what happened to the kid( I am sorry if this is triggering..I think these are also my intrusive thoughts) .Plus everytime I am near them I get intrusive images of what happened .And I feel like a criminal..plus other horrible thoughts that make me feel like I a monster.I have terrible thoughts over and over and I feel I am what I am scared of.That I acutually am.I started to belive this( still pray is just ocd)I know is weird( and I am sorry if this is triggering) but I feel like I am the person who hurt the kid.:,(.I just think I dissapointed them and hurt them (the kid..also the family).The worst is I dont even know if they told anyone.I will talk with a therapist abt this..but I want to know also your advices..if u can give me..I know this might be reassurance but I am desperate.These thoughts and intrusive images I get abt what happened are horrible.I cant imagine...:(.I only think abt how terrible it was for the kid..and I feel bad because I think abt it.I overthink my every action, I overthink everything abt my interactions with them and their family.This summer my family will go on a trip with them I think , and Idk if I should go.( tw: also think her dad thinks I am suspicious and I absolutely have no intent to hurt the kid.And that he think I am dangerous bcs I didnt help her:()This feels like hell and I feel like I am make myself a victim in a situation I made myself..I am sorry for putting so many tw.I know this sounds all so bad and suspicious..Either I am terrible or scared I am terrible or both...:(.Anyway I know I did a terrible mistake.Thank you so much if anyone reads all this and responds

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