struggling with where my eyes look

hey everyone recently i’ve been struggling alot with my eyes and where they look. i get very nervous about my eyes looking down at peoples privates. even when they are fully clothed. it started with kids mostly and how i had this fear i was looking down where there private area is. i would never purposely look at a child inappropriately but i try very hard to avoid looking down and the harder i try to avoid it the more it happens. this has all sent me into a panic because i feel like today when the child i was babysitting was wearing a dress and she opened he legs and i looked down and panicked. sometimes i can get over it and understand it was an accident. but i freaked because i feel like i know when im trying to avoid looking i’m like don’t look don’t look and then my eyes go down. this wasn’t the case this time however i think i was avoiding looking without even realizing. there’s also been a time where i looked down at someone’s priv area and was looking and being like see you’re not doing anything to be innapropriate. it is hard and i just saw a tiktok of a child and i was looking at his swim trunks and i felt like i was starring the whole tiktok and was sent into a panic and mental breakdown just because i thought i was starring and idek why or what happened. i constantly am thinking about this and looking down and trying to avoid without even realizing. this is happening so often with everybody now not just kids. i hope nobody thinks im a pedo when reading this i’m trying to stop but i feel like im going mad. if anyone has any advice or help please share. i feel like such a bad person like i am doing it intentionally. especially the times i feel like i am starring since most the time when i look i look away immediately.

POCD

izzyc

Date posted: 1y

I have the EXACT same thing pretty much. It’s the worst truly 😔 im sooo incredibly sorry you are dealing with this. 💔 Your mind is obsessing over staring and your compulsion is to look or not look and basically try and figure out what the heck is going on in your brain. I hate it. What I’ve done in the past is exposures. But staring at kids and people just feels so wrong rn so instead I would place an object on something and notice it in my peripheral vision and basically obsess over it on purpose and then I would walk through the process of noticing how uncomfy I got and letting go. It doesn’t “go away” just like that and it’s not the same as being in the actual horrifying experience but maybe it helps. I’m sorry I’m just as lost as you. Sending you my love because you deserve it, this shit is so traumatizing. 💔

ocdsucks248

Date posted: 1y

i really just am panicked because i felt like i was starring and didn’t look away and im just completely unsure.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Stop avoiding it. The avoidance is just a compulsion that will increase your obsessions. You can also practice exposures by staring at pics of kids/people in swimsuits or something to help.

Hope93

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I go swimming at a public swim pool with a bunch of kids and hyper focus my attention to what’s in front of me and it’s kind of unsettling. If I even look at one person it will send me into a panic attack. I’m supposed to babysit tomorrow and I’m freaking tf out! Ugh I hate this particular form of OCD! I get your pain!

Jesse1982

Date posted: 1y

I have pocd and struggle so much in many different ways including what you do. If I see a private part I feel horrible and guilty. I know it's my ocd and I don't see them that way. I wish I had the answer because I know it's very difficult to deal with. I'm positive you're not a pedophile or a bad person. You have an illness called ocd

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 22w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

Em2003

Date posted: 21w

Pls input, I haven’t panicked this hard in months

My whole life I’ve kind of stared at people’s crotches whenever they’re wearing something revealing a bikini. I feel like I’ve always searched to see if I can see an outline or something or anything because it’s so revealing. It kind of feels like curiosity I don’t know how to describe it. I did this before my OCD got bad and I do this now. I feel scared that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be. I’m scared that I’m doing something perverted. What scares me the most is that about a year ago this happened with my boyfriend sister. She was 15 at the time. I didn’t think much about it. I stared, searched and moved on. But now I really question if I did something awful or if my intentions were perverted. I’m questioning whether it’s okay to even have curiosity about this. Maybe this is normal and people don’t analyze their behavior, I don’t know. I had a theory that this has been a compulsion all along but right now it feels fully out the window. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I really need someone’s input or perspective. Please.

lissamls

Date posted: 20w

pocd? help

i've been very sad these days, i saw a child on TikTok and i had thoughts calling her hot, it seemed like i liked it and i was very anxious and very scared. i cried a lot, i kept replaying the video several times because it seemed like i was attracted to her and only when i was sure that I wasn't attracted to her i skip the video. but then i went to watch the videos of this kid again to see if i was really attracted or not again and i got nervous about being attracted to her "chest" and i kept looking to see if I was really attracted or not 😭 i wasn't, but one thought scared me a lot, which was "you were only attracted because it looked like an adult's chest." i was very nervous, i cried a lot because of this. I'm not attracted to children, I never have been, why does it seem like i am? i don't want to look at children anymore, im too nervous. i'm not attracted to her, all of this makes me sick and sad, it's all very uncomfortable and scary. but I've been questioning myself a lot about the last thought, i can't stop questioning myself. every time i see a child my brain asks if i'm attracted to them or if i think they're pretty. i can't stop crying (sorry for any mistakes I'm using a translator)

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struggling with where my eyes look

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