I have this friend and I thought I can trudt her and Im having a hard time rn and I told her that I wanna kill myself and she was like ‘’Im tired of you,stop looking for attention’’ and I feel so bad rn Idk what to do..

Honestly I’ve never felt like the worst person ever , all my life I’ve always struggle with fitting in and making a good friend group, and I always think I don’t do enough for anybody and sometimes when I feel like somebody is becoming cold or distant I make sure to keep a distant too out of respect or a mechanism to help me not feel hurt , as a result a friend of mine did this and I stayed away because I had no idea what she was going through and my other friend who I’ve met at the beginning of the year I’ve never had a good feeling abt her because I noticed her starting to be really flirty with my boyfriend and when I tried talking to somebody about it , she twisted the entire situation to her assuming I was sl*t shaming her, which I’d never do that is not in my dictionary , so when I arrived to school everyone said she was saying really bad things about me and what’s worse is that she did this two months ago and I found out last week I cried to all of them about it and they ignored me they all laughed and just left me there to cry , I tried talking to my friend who slowly grew distant instead I noticed her getting closer to the friend who wronged me . I noticed all my friends growing a distant , I slowly felt like I failed as friend and then I slowly starting convincing myself i was a failure in general , so as a result, I turned to marijuana and cough medicine, and multiple dealers reach out weekly so I can buy more stuff , and what’s worse is that I know these people are not good friends but I still let them get to my head and on top of that I resort to substance abuse to help with my overthinking and anxiety , I need advice

This isn't OCD related at all, not even a little, and I'm really sorry, but I feel so panicked and overwhelmed right now and I need an outlet. So basically, I have this friend and we met online shortly after Christmas, not irl. We got on really well. I felt like I could tell them anything. Whenever I felt sad (which was quite often) they would help so much by just being there for me. Sending cute and reassuring tiktoks to me. I felt like they were the nicest ever. I told them stuff other people might judge me for. They never judged me and they never seemed judgemental. I started noticing some things, like their reposts on Tiktok. I noticed years ago they reposted something very anti LGBTQ+. It hurt, I couldn't understand it. I asked them about it, and they didn't exactly seem like they did hate LGBTQ+ people. I moved on, still unsure. I found recently they reposted something else. I wasn't sure whether this was super offensive, but the tone of the original post FELT offensive. I have a strong moral compass, and these things got to me so much because I'm attached to this person. And then today, I find another thing they reposted, this time about immigration. It had a strong racist tone. I know now that I need to cut them off. I don't want people like that in my life. It's one thing having different views, but I firmly stand by the idea that you should agree with those around you about things like this. But I'm so distressed. I feel so attached to them. None of this seems like them at all. They seem like such a kind, non judgemental person. I would sit waiting for their text. I would feel so happy to hear from them. We text non stop. We have loads in common. They never judged me. I thought I finally found someone who actually wanted to be my friend, who actually liked me. I'm going to feel empty and numb, and I'm trying not to cry while writing this. Who will I have? Nobody to expect a text from. Nobody to ask about my day. Nobody to send me cute pictures to cheer me up. I actually feel like I'll never get past this. I feel so lonely all the time and they were there for me when no one else was. I feel so numb and I'm terrified. Sorry again that this isn't OCD related. I just didn't know what to do.

My ex pressured me into telling my therapist or someone else in my life about my suicidal thoughts when I wasn’t ready. I had already been considering it and had told her that, but she kept pushing and made it feel like I had to do it. She even said things like “That’s not how it works, you need to bring it up to them” when I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing it first. Then, she gave me an ultimatum either I tell my therapist, or she would tell my mum or someone in my life like a friend . That forced me into a corner where I had no choice but to bring it up before I was ready. Later, I found out that she had been saving our chats, seemingly as “evidence” to protect herself, which made me feel like she cared more about covering herself than about actually supporting me. Instead of trusting me to handle my own mental health on my own terms, she took control of the situation and disregarded my autonomy completely. It felt like she prioritized her comfort over my right to make my own decisions. and she made it all about herself and her guilt and didn’t even ask any questions, i was furious and now don’t think i can ever trust her again. the way she handled it seemed almost clinical and it was cold. it’s like she completely disregarded how i wanted to handle things for her own comfort, it was like self preservation disguised as support. i was forced into it under the threat she would take matters into her own hands, i felt i had no control and when i noticed she was saving my messages in chats i asked why incase something happens? and she said yes, i felt like i was being treated as a liability like a problem to managed, like a burden, and she phoned me after my therapy session making it all about her and her guilt and if i don’t tell anyone by next week she will tell my mum or someone in my life cuz she wouldn’t want to be the only one who knew before we went no contact, i was furious. At the time, I didn’t fully process how messed up this was. But looking back, it feels like she prioritized her own comfort and her own need to feel in control over my right to make my own decisions about my mental health. Ifeel like im overreacting but i can’t stop wondering was this even okay or was it manipulative and controlling Now I’m wondering was this okay for her to do, or was it overstepping?