Someone else with suicidal Ocd is this normal??

@Anonymous i panic immediately, i shoot into a panic attack and start telling me myself “stop” “your ok” “you know your not going to do it” “you don’t hate your life” trying to reassure myself. these thoughts make me feel crazy and that i need to go to a mental hospital but in reality i protect myself from these thoughts and won’t even leave my bed because im scared of harm to me. i haven’t directly been diagnosed with suicidal ocd but i have harm ocd. idk i feel like they haven’t been this bad but i also don’t really remember my other episodes.

@cows12465 Those sayings, affirmations and reassurances you do after the thoughts are the compulsions. As hard as it is, don’t do your compulsions. Just let the thoughts occur and resist giving into the compulsions. It’s super hard, I struggle with this too, but this does help.

@Anonymous i know i hate it. the compulsions make me have more anxiety because it feeds into the thoughts. Do you get similar thoughts to me? not asking to be reassured i just feel very alone in this right now and im afraid.

@cows12465 Sure do! Almost as soon as I wake up I get flooded with them. They can get pretty graphic too. But I love my life and don’t want to die. I have too many things I want to do first.

@Anonymous Me too, i hate that the first thing i do when i wake up is panic because i just know. these thoughts have caused me depression because it’s taking my life away but having this depression is making me think i actually want to do it but i surely do not.

@cows12465 we could be the same person, going through the exact same thing. The thoughts make me sad and throw me off. My doctor put me on meds which seem to help, but having these thoughts daily is just plain exhausting.

@Anonymous i’m just afraid my body will act out on it, i know i won’t because i probably would have already but that’s the scary thing is the urge and fears. i know it’s my OCD because my therapist told me but im scared i have the ideation or something.

@cows12465 It’s terrifying. One thing that helped me is just letting the thoughts happen. I have been ruminating about this for 6 months. why spend another day having the same conversations in your head over and over again that you have been doing for 6 months. It’s so hard, but I think we need to resist those sayings and affirmations no matter how intense the thoughts are

@Anonymous right. things on the internet trigger me the most. i saw someone say something about cutting themselves and now my mind is trying to convince me i need to do that when i NEVER want too but the urge and anxiety is just running through me right now

@cows12465 I am so sorry, no one deserves to go through this. What has your therapist said?

@Anonymous i start ERP tomorrow. i haven’t been in a while because i was doing soo good until a week ago and then here i am back in my spiral. im just so tired of this panic and freaking out all the time it’s truly exhausting. but i know that if it scares me or panics me i know that im not truly going to do it.

@cows12465 Awesome! What did they have you do last time you did erp?

@Anonymous tom is my first! i was in regular therapy and they didn’t truly undertand OCD so they weren’t too helpful. but one thing they did say was to put a fire alarm in your head when your thoughts are going just take a deep breath and stop for a moment, another is to act like your popping a bubble, when a thought comes just go pop next!

@cows12465 Thanks for sharing! We got this 💪

@Anonymous Yes we do! i believe it. I just pray these panic attacks will calm down and i will start to push through these thoughts.

@cows12465 They absolutely will. Hopefully ERP helps and we an move on with our lives

@Anonymous do your self harm thoughts just become thoughts of just not being happy in your life and just wanting to end it and not always something specific? that’s my theme right now.

@cows12465 Yes! Which is crazy because I have a great life.

@Anonymous SAME!! i hate this shit so much!!