I think my life would be a lot easier. This is me confessing in my full selfishness. I don’t care that they’re kind, fun people. I don’t care that they like me or find me beautiful. They don’t need to have my bf as a friend. This is my honest, dark, evil truth. ☹️
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@Enoki🫶🏻 Yeah he mainly has female friends, even as a kid that’s just how he rolled. I used to have mainly male friends too, and so I was fine w my partner having friends bc I truly believed in healthy, platonic friendships. But after I started dating my bf all my male friends turned on me. I found out they all were just waiting for a turn w me and the friendships were all a facade. I’ve not been the same since. 🥲
@Enoki🫶🏻 Coworkers. I’m pretty much the only person he spends time w when he’s not at work or helping family, but he also has been working a TON recently to make up for vacation time so my ROCD has been worse than usual. 😅
@Enoki🫶🏻 He’s never done anything to betray my trust. I know it’s OCD. but the friends are such a strong trigger I just want them out of the picture.
@Enoki🫶🏻 I will. 🥹 I think it’s difficult because this would not be the first time I’ve had this conversation, maybe the 50th lol. At this point he fears I just don’t trust him, because he’s done everything he can to reassure me. He doesn’t follow models, I’ve seen his feed on his social medias and it’s all video games and relationship posts. So I know he doesn’t have wandering eyes. But I don’t trust his friends. I cannot imagine girls NOT crushing on my partner, after all I was once like them—just a friend. 🤷♀️I fear they’ll try to sabotage our relationship so they can have a chance at him. My former guy friends tried to do the same with me—asking me to cheat on my partner. I think I just have major trust issues. 😭 Thank you for ur help Enoki ♥️
I feel the same way. My boyfriend has this one friend that just rubs me the wrong way and is the cause of our fights. He doesnt like her enough to date her, he hasnt even met her. She was just a girl he thought was pretty after his divorce and then settled into a trusting friendship with her. He could have had her at any point but he chose me every day, even after we split. She's been the just a friend, here before me, girl, but I always wonder if it was more. Why couldn't he just let her go to help. I just don't know that's why therapy is a good thing, and I imagine it will help with this feeling
@sfergy88 Yep I know this feeling. My partner was a very lonely kid growing up (military family, so always jumping from location to location) and even when he first met me, he had no IRL friends. So when I heard he was finally making friends at his workplace I was very happy for him. Of course, they were mostly girls. He has male coworker friends too, but the closer ones are female. ☠️ I cannot even dare to tell him to cut them all off, he would be alone again. Buuuut it also makes me feel like I’m not enough, like there’s something crucial I don’t bring to the table that all these girls do.
@chibiyu I always tried, and did so well at first, but as I pushed the thoughts away, obviously they came back worse. When I tried to talk to him he took such offense to it that I felt bad. It's hard to separate the facts from opinions when your are so deep in the obsession. I've found some websites with worksheets that I'm reading and it's makes so much sense
@sfergy88 I completely agree! What are the websites, if you don’t mind sharing?
@chibiyu Absolutely! https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/ocd-self-help/
For some reason, my brain gets upset when my boyfriend hangs out with other people. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I understand that he has a life outside of our relationship, and that’s great. He reassures me all the time, in fact, he often tells me he would rather spend time with me than with his friends. He’s a perfect partner, and I love him more than anything. However, I don’t want this to become an issue in our relationship. I know why my mind thinks this way, even though I don’t believe it to be true. My brain keeps telling me that he would rather be somewhere else than with me. Those words repeat in my head every time he’s out with friends, and I don’t know why. I want to find a solution to this obsessive and jealous thought so that I don’t ruin his time with friends. I really need help with this issue.❤️
For about a month now I’ve been really obsessed with the idea that my girlfriend has feelings for this guy we know if he has feelings for her. We’ve only known him for about a month and we’re not that close to him. The stuff that makes me worried is completely normal for friends to do or are things that aren’t real. . They respond to each other on group chats . They hangout in groups when I’m not there . She finds him funny and smiles when she’s around him . I just have a bad feeling It’s become such a thing in my mind and it’s deteriorating our relationship. Every time I see him and her talk I feel mad and sick and anxious. And now I’m starting to hate him. I feel like I’m being so unfair because she hasn’t actually done anything, and I keep accusing her and treating her like she has. She says she feels like all I see is the worst in her and like she’s a bad person. I’ve brought this up to her many times and every time she tells me she would never cheat on me and that he’s some random guy and that she doesn’t want him she wants me. I just can’t get the idea out of my head, I can’t stop unconsciously looking for signs of romantic feelings between them. I analyse her body language or how she looks at him, I check if there online at the same time to see if their texting or something. It’s really bad. It’s gotten to the point where it’s not about the idea that they have feeings anymore it’s more just I want to get the idea out my head. I want to stop seeing this. Because she would have said something by now. And I know this is coming from a place of fear and insecurity about myself and the way she feels about me, because he’s no different to any of her other friends I just chose him to be the one I worry about. I want to get past this because our relationship needs to move past this and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with my friends instead of relating it to this and the idea of hanging out in this group with her where he is, and if causing instant anxiety. She’s not like this, she’s a good person. It’s not necessarily the idea she’ll actually cheat it’s the idea she’ll develop feeling or he will and will make her catch feelings too. It’s all just a “bad feeling” I have and an obsession with this idea. I can’t stand to be around them in a group cuz all I can see is that “she’s in love with him” or “he would make her or does make her happier”
We've been together for nearly 6 months now, but our start wasn't easy. We began as friends who both liked each other but also liked someone else more. I made the conscious decision to let go of that person, but it was not the same on his side. He didn't know that I liked him back, and had absolutely no inkling that he ever had a chance, so at one point he openly told me that he found her more attractive than me because he thought it wouldn't matter since I "didn't like him anyway." He doesn't even remember that conversation but profusely apologized for saying something so dehumanizing and thoughtless when I eventually brought it up. At one point I even told him to ask her out before we continued further (after I finally confessed) because I convinced myself he'd resent me if he didn't fully explore that option. He thought that was unusual and hated that I may think of myself as a second option (not remembering that he himself had basically already put me in that position), but did it because I was so insistent. These things only became relevant again when I told him to stop calling me "the prettiest girl in the world" a while ago. I don't have a lack of confidence in my looks whatsoever, it's more-so my personality that I worry about, but whenever he said that it would make me so angry because I already knew of someone he thought was prettier. Especially because that comment he said so mindlessly that he even forgot about it, replays in my head so often. He's started saying it again recently, now that we've said our I love you's and are publicly an item to everyone we know. I almost found myself really believing it because I know he loves me. It was fine up until she returned from vacation and now stays in the same building as him, while I'm still stuck at home until it's time to return for the semester. She's been gone the entire time that our bond deepened, but now I'm constantly bothering myself with thoughts of secret insincerity on his part. That now that she's back he'll be enamored by her all over again. That he only likes me so much because she wasn't in the picture. That he'll leave me for her the second he gets a chance even though I know she has no interest. I just feel the need to get this off my chest because I don't want to tell anyone around us and risk them disliking him over something he's deeply apologized for that I should rationally know he doesn't believe anymore. I don't really want to bring it up with him either, for fear of coming off as overly jealous or territorial now that she's back, but I have a tendency to torment myself with misinterpretation of his feelings unless I directly speak with him about it unfortunately. I'll end up brainstorming how to approach it eventually, but it feels so icky right now.
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