Soocd and the future

Hey, I know this is kind of farfetched, but sometimes when it feels like its soo true and im just in denial, even if I just try to “sit with it” if feels like my whole future with my bf is a lie and that when we’re gonna have to face challenges with our kids or if life throws us problems if feels like I would feel hopeless and sad and will leave him in a second but if I imagined it with a women if feels fine? Like I feel strong and that we can beat anything? And this triggers me sooooooo much because it just adds to the denial part. Also I’m re-watching ghost whisperer and its all about tellinng you secrets and being true to yourself before you die and it feels like I’ll just say “yes immgay” and feel at peace. Idk whats going on… everytime I feel a little better its not as strong as what my ocd (or so I think) makes me believe. Like I would be fine not labeling myself and enjoying my life with my bf and then the next day my mind would say “ yeah you feel fine but you would feel a hundred times happier with women” or “he’s just an exception or so you think because you’re trying so hard to make it work and if you tried with any other guy you would hate it and be bored and not attached at all” and it truly feels this way because I could never get attached easily with guys but with women it feels like I would get attached in a second. Ughh just wanted to take that off my mind.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Kayphobia

Date posted: 1y

I’m not sure if this helps, but you can still be attracted to women but still only want your boyfriend. Sexuality is fluid and you could be bisexual. But if the thoughts of being with a woman makes you upset and uncomfortable then it’s most likely ocd

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 1y

not gonna lie that was a bit triggering but thank you for trying to help!

Kayphobia

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymousesti I’m sorry! I meant no harm, ocd usually tries to attack your moral compass so it’s probably a form of relationship ocd so it’s probably just self sabotage at this point. Coming from someone who’s lesbian and has SOCD as well I get that feeling of being like oh what if I’m attracted to the “wrong” gender and I don’t love my spouse because I want to be with this gender? I think at the end of the day it’s just self sabotage and if you were truly attracted to women you wouldn’t feel this upset and comfortable.

Kayphobia

Date posted: 1y

@Kayphobia *uncomfortable

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 1y

@Kayphobia - Yeah I guess... and sometimes I dont feel upset, it feels like I like it... and honestly I wouldnt mind saying that I dont label myself I just dont want to be saying that when the real fact is that I'm in denial and can't accept it and that is why I'm creating this whole situation (SOOCD, not labeling myself).

Kayphobia

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymousesti I would just not label yourself if it makes you uncomfortable! Straight people can still imagine themselves with the same gender and not want to be with them. Heck I know so many straight women that would date other women if it wasn’t for this or that and they’re still confident they’re straight! And I would ask yourself why is being queer bad? Maybe dig a little deeper and unravel that fear. If it’s because you think you’ll hurt your partner, it’s most likely self sabotage.

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 1y

@Kayphobia - oh I dont think being queer is bad at all! on the contrary! But if I was I would've just prefered to know sooner you know? and I've been with my bf for 6 years and he's perfect and I feel like (because I dont want to say I know because Im not sure) I love him so much and I love being physically close to him. I just always felt like something was missing and that is how my SOOCD started. Like I felt like I wasnt "too" attached or "too" in love etc etc.... and then I googles (obvisously) and I read that a lot of gay people also went through that phase and then it hit me. So yeah but thank you for your input!

Kayphobia

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymousesti I gotcha! Well everyone’s experiences are different. I’ve known all my life I’m a lesbian, but I was never anxious about it so I think that’s what sets gay people apart from straight people with SOOCD in most cases! I wouldn’t look this stuff up, google is typically awful for us 😭 you love your bf and that’s what matters!!

anonysheis

Date posted: 1y

i totally understand how you’re feeling, i try to tell myself that you can’t figure it all out in a day but i get that this doesn’t give long term settlement

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 23w

SOOCD

I feel like evryone is saying yeah the worst part is not knowing what my actual sexuality is however for me its like not that but more about being another sexuality and not being able to be with my bf because "my body and my truth are stronger then my will to stay with my bf". I also have the fear of SOOCD ending up being true or for example and more specifically liking it and never going back to men... I dont know if anyone relates to that, let me know!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 19w

Soocd while in a relationship

Is anyone here going throughbSOOCD while being in a relationship? If yes, do you feel like “something is missing” even tho everything is great? My OCD keeps on telling me “you’re settling” or “yeah you’re happy with what you have but its nothing compared to what you would be feeling if you were with a girl, but you’re with your bf for society!” Im soo tired!! When I look at him I find him so attractive and handsome but i dont know if im attracted to him or if he’s just attractive!! And while growing up I was never “pulled by guys” but I thought that everyone was this way! I also used to look at girls because I found them Beautiful but I thought that everyone used to look at them this way! I think what truly bothering me is “comphet” and the “lesbian masterdoc”. Like I feel like I can relate to some points! Yes I used to choosw my crushes growing up but it felt like everyone used to do the same thing! As for my current bf, we started out as friend and then it turned into something else but now im scared I just agreed to being his gf because “that’s what I had to do” and im scared that he’s my “beard”. I particularly got triggered yesterday because my friends were talking about their celebrities crush and I couldnt think about anyone without forcing it! Instead I could easily think about kristen stewart or someone with the same vibe. All of this + my feelings must mean something no??? I just want to feel “in love” my bf is perfect!

Sexual Orientation OCD

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

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Soocd and the future

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