- Date posted
- 1y
HOCD relapse
Hi guys, so yesterday and the day before I was really doing well with my HOCD and I thought it would go. However today, I was stressed and ended up watching porn, I went down the wormhole and ended up on trans porn. Some parts I felt were quite hot but I canāt tell if I am into that or it was certain acts or the because I was already watching porn but itās made me ruminate over those scenes to see if I like it and I couldnāt tell. I then went online to search up if porn can change your sexuality and ended up on Quora and found a page dedicated to gay experiences. They were encouraging and talking how nice gay sex is and whilst reading these stories it felt like it was quite hot and itās disturbed me quite more. One guy who was similar to my age was curious and had sex with a guy and Iām scared itāll happen to me. Now it feels like because it wasnāt a random instructive thought and thereās not much anxiety that maybe I am just curious and the only to know if iām gay is to act these acts out and id enjoy it and become gay. Iām not sure, if itās just the porn because I canāt imagine myself having a relationship with a guy. Iām also scared if I try to move on from this and these thoughts, Im just avoiding and suppressing who I am.