- Date posted
- 1y
HOCD relapse
Hi guys, so yesterday and the day before I was really doing well with my HOCD and I thought it would go. However today, I was stressed and ended up watching porn, I went down the wormhole and ended up on trans porn. Some parts I felt were quite hot but I can’t tell if I am into that or it was certain acts or the because I was already watching porn but it’s made me ruminate over those scenes to see if I like it and I couldn’t tell. I then went online to search up if porn can change your sexuality and ended up on Quora and found a page dedicated to gay experiences. They were encouraging and talking how nice gay sex is and whilst reading these stories it felt like it was quite hot and it’s disturbed me quite more. One guy who was similar to my age was curious and had sex with a guy and I’m scared it’ll happen to me. Now it feels like because it wasn’t a random instructive thought and there’s not much anxiety that maybe I am just curious and the only to know if i’m gay is to act these acts out and id enjoy it and become gay. I’m not sure, if it’s just the porn because I can’t imagine myself having a relationship with a guy. I’m also scared if I try to move on from this and these thoughts, Im just avoiding and suppressing who I am.