I don’t need reassurance I need someone to hear me and talk to me . I’m 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 5 years with my boyfriend we have been through a lot and still manage to be together . Recently I saw him look at some random lady’s butt at the fair . I don’t know how to let it go and I feel like my ROCD has a little bit to do with this . Anyone’s opinion ? I’d appreciate it .
Yes, you're exactly right! I agree that that's not okay. It still is something that has to do with him. I'm not denying that at all. If he is denying it, take that as a sign of him understanding he did something wrong/something that bothered you. If it continues to happen, then it is clearly a bigger issue that needs addressed. For now, check in with yourself. How is your self-worth playing into this? If you feel like you can love yourself where you're at, I think you can heal this within yourself - even if he doesn't admit to what he did.
@Anonymous If this does continue now what? What would I even do
@Leo1000 I wish I could keep giving you answers, but even my comments are just my opinions. Don't take my advice as facts. Ultimately you have to trust yourself and do what is best for you. You can do it!
@Anonymous Okay ima take ur opinion I’m not leaving him for this , thank you . I appreciate it
@Leo1000 I'm happy I could help. My last piece of advice - love and relationships are not perfect. They are very messy. Mistakes will happen, and you have to accept that in your relationship. Keep trying to learn how to communicate with your partner about these hard, uncomfortable things - even if it takes a while. Good luck!
@Anonymous Thank you so much I really appreciate it ! Have a great day ! With all respect , Ur wife is super lucky to have you! Good luck to you guys 🤍
You could just be honest with him and tell him that it hurt your feelings.
@Anonymous I did I told him I saw him staring at her butt and he keeps saying he didn’t and that he don’t even remember either but that he didn’t , he even cried because I wanted to leave him but honestly even if he says he didn’t stare I know he did . I saw it .
Did you confront him? If so, what did you say?
Hello I have rocd and have been with my partner for four years and I totally think this is ocd thought you are hanging on to! I think some guys tend to look not even realizing it or on accident I wouldn’t think anything too deeply about this thought unless it’s happens often and frequently. I would address it with your partner but at the same time it probably is consuming you becasue it’s also ocd
@Anonymous I’ve seen him stare at girls but I guess that’s normal because people notice people , but it did get me super mad because it was super obvious like it’s not something I’m overthinking like “what if he did /what if he didn’t” this time it’s for sure he did .
Hi there! I'm a guy, and I can try to speak to this from my perspective. That being said, take it with a grain of salt if it doesn't resonate with you. There have been a couple occasions where my wife has caught me doing the same thing. It is very rare, and I know I'm not the kind of guy who stares, wants to look/stare, does it intentionally on a regular basis. However, I absolutely understand why it hurts her/you the way it does. When you love someone, you want them to only have eyes for you and want them to be attracted only to you. While try as we might, no matter who we are, this type of situation inevitably happens. For someone to deny attractions to other people is a big fat lie, in my opinion. We are human, and noticing these attractive attributes others have - emotional, physical, mental, etc. - is a part of the human condition. Don't get me wrong, I am not in any way excusing or condoning staring at other people when we find them attractive, especially in the context of a romantic relationship. However, I do know that things like glancing at someone/something attractive can become even more amplified when we are in a state of anxiousness, insecurity, or conflict with our partner. When we're not in a good place, it is easy to catastrophize the meanings of actions or words and use them as ammunition against our partner. I think what can be helpful is reminding yourself of your own worth. If you know your partner loves you and believes you're attractive, even if they found someone else attractive in that moment, try and let that be enough. We are all imperfect and will do imperfect things, and yet we keep coming back to our partners because, at our core, we love them and they love us.
@Anonymous What’s ur opinion on how I should move foward ?
@Leo1000 Try and think of it from an all-encompassing view: is there anything going on in your own life that may have triggered this more? Is your OCD on high alert right now? How is your relationship? I find that when things are hard, it's easy for things to feel more intense. After you've examined where you're at, I recommend journaling about it - being as real and authentic as you want, because only you will read it. Then see where you're at. I bet you will have a more clear idea of what you feel about it after that. If it's something he does often and you see it as a real concern, talk to him about it and let him know how it effects you. Don't be intense, but just be real in how you feel. Those are my suggestions.
@Anonymous Do u agree I should leave him for this ? As a male
@Leo1000 Absolutely not. This, in my opinion, is nowhere near grounds for leaving him. This is a situation that requires more internal healing and self-introspection than it does an issue with him, in my opinion. If you love him, don't let this get in the way of that.
@Anonymous I see ! Do u agree this also has to do with him tho? Since yes we are free to look at people BUT don’t u think checking out someone’s butt is not ok?
Hi guys I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I have struggled with ROCD for a long time now and it has been hard on my relationship. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and 2 weeks ago he admitted to me that he finds other girls attractive. It seems innocent to me and I know it is normal to find beauty in other people even when in a relationship. I know it’s normal, but I still cannot stop worrying about it. I worry he may find these girls more attractive than me and will develop feelings for them. My boyfriend says he doesn’t find them more attractive and that he only wants to be with me, but I can’t stop these thoughts. I have tried ERP exercises, talked to my therapist and asked my partner for reassurance which only helps temporarily and then the constant worry and agonizing intrusive thoughts come back. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to worry about this anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to be able to accept this and move on.
Hey everyone :( it’s been while since I posted but I’m having hard time with my relationship cause of my ROCD. I keep worry about small details like the fact my bf recently changed his voice note messaging to expiring after two mins. I know his best friend talks to him 24/7 and he is always sending my bf voice notes (sometime his friend talks about illegal things) but is this something I should worry about? I feel like over analyzing his behaviours to see if he is hiding something from me or being disloyal. My heart knows it’s not in his character but I’m still worried :( any advice would be great. (Also have PTSD from being cheated on in past relationship)
So my husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now. We got married young and real quick about 9 months after dating. When we got married my husband used to be a very friendly flirty person but in a harmless way. He didn’t really think of the consequences of the things he’d say he would just blurt it out lol like no filter. Anyway, sometimes he would make compliments at my sister and for some reason that made me upset. She had a boyfriend at the time, anyway fast forward a few months and I guess my sisters boyfriend and my husband were having “guy talk” which I don’t quite understand that. But my sisters boyfriend made a comment about me having nice legs and my husband made a comment back about my sister having big boobs or a nice chest and he’s a lucky guy. Fast forward a couple months later to Halloween he texted her about her Halloween costume teasing her since the stockings she was wearing looked like tan likes but at the point I was so sensitive about the boob comment that the stocking comment alarmed me. I want to mention my husband has changed a ton, he’s no longer immature lol we are in our 30s now he’s reserved and talks about our future non stop and worries for me, all the things a woman wants in a husband. I’ve been good for 4.5 years never bringing this topic up but for some reason I’m stuck in a loop that he made those comments because he wanted my sister and not me and the anxiety that comes with it is unbearable. It’s like I feel this so deeply so it must me true? I can’t tell if it’s because I’m so stuck it feels real and that it is the case and he does like my sister or I’m in denial and want someone to tell me it’s not true. I just want it all to stop because we have such beautiful memories and now I’m focused on a moment of what was immaturity. If you took the time to read this I appreciate you. I’ve asked him a thousand times if he made those comments because he desired her and he said absolutely not, in fact they always bicker and he’s always picking on her calling her boring so she’s not really his type. My mother knows about this and she thinks it was a moment of immaturity and he’s a good man.l and never noticed him being interested in my sister. My sister who was on the receiving end of this says no that’s not the case he was just a dumb ass and my mother in law says I need to get over it. But here I am stuck and I can’t get unstuck. It’s all I can think about. Is what I feel real and Is it true or is this my OCD blowing up the situation more than it really is? Thanks for your time.
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