I was out having a fun night with some coworkers. I am extremely anti social in regards of having any social life outside of work. I been working very hard to overcome my social anxiety and panic attacks. During the evening (like towards the later part). I got extremely anxious. For some reason I felt compelled to share my anxiety with my coworkers. Told them I am feeling not so good. I tried not to make it seem like a big deal. I just feel better to not hide being anxious, which makes me more anxious. I didn’t like their reaction. I made them sad and worried. And I am anxious now that well I think they will never see me the same way again. And it always happens this way. I start to break out of my shell and I get anxious. I live with panic attacks. But it inevitably turns others off or just makes me feel more insecure. I got anxious last night because of magical thinking that when I am having fun and a good time a part of me gets self destructive and I start to worry how I am going to get anxious and ruin it. And then I do. How do I stop this. It only that thought didn’t come into my head i wouldn’t have gotten anxious and embarrassed myself. Does anyone else struggle with getting anxious when things are good in this self destructive and self fulfilling prophecy?

Ya. Drinking and smoking weed helps anxiety. But Xanax. Is the real cure. However I don’t like to rely on Xanax. And I didn’t have any at the time. Didn’t think I need it. But I hate. Hate hate the idea that people will now see me differently cause of my anxiety episode.

@drnemer I experience very similar social anxiety and normally my guard is up, probably like yours: anxiety keeps me from looking forward to or fully participating in social activities. However, i find that when i go (and not avoid) and a few conversations go well, then my anxiety decreases because my inner self is like “this isn’t so bad, i got this”. However, it feels like the social anxiety is like “oh no, she’s taking control, we need to flush more anxiety through her so she doesn’t do anything stupid”, bc anxiety’s aim is to protect you, which is not useful in these situations. So i have come to expect that most of my social outings will have levels of anxiety that i can predictably draw on a graph, so I am ready for that second wave of anxiety and even though it’s higher I try to push through it. It’s not always easy and I have def walked away feeling embarrassed bc I felt like I couldnt handle it, but the reality is we definitely can.

@Wanderer88 Also, I know you are worried that they will never see you the same way again, but that’s just a worry. How would you react if your friend or younger family member told you what you told them at the party, you would feel compassion for then. Some of your coworkers may not totally get it, others will forget you said anything, the others will feel compassion.. your anxiety may be projecting / mind reading what u think they are thinking about you, but you dont know! Only a jerk would be like “man this person is such a weirdo”, who cares what they think

@drnemer Also please see my other comment below which was meant to be a response to u as well

@Wanderer88 Thank you. That made me feel better. Sorry I did not read it sooner. Sometimes I feel like I obsess over preparing for the next panic attack. And I generally hate myself because of these panic attacks so i usually assume others have a negative view of me when they see it—even when they say they don’t. It is really tough. Lately I been feeling like—my social life is turning around and getting better but I am afraid there will be a time I will hit a wall and fall backwards. I think about it a lot. That all these good things are luck that will run out. And it scares me shitless