I don't understand how to be afraid

I just have had a very bad day. Over the past couple days many situations have happened which have led me to believing that my friends might be upset at me. I feel like everyone is ignoring me, and it scares me. I am scared they're upset and idk what to do. I don't know if I should confront them about it or just say nothing if I am overreacting. I have this one friend I know I could confide in but all she would really be able to say is that I have to ask them myself. A long with that nothing has really gone my way today. My friend who I was supposed to hang out with last minute canceled cause her brother from Atlanta surprised her. Now I am all alone outside a public park. And I can't help but think what am I doing? What am I waiting for? I know that sometimes the only solution to fear is confronting it. If I want answers about whether my friends are angry with me I have to ask. I can't just wait. But what does this mean for my other compulsions. What about apologizing to my oarenrs because I might have accidentally had a laced edible? Am I going to live with that forever or is the only way to live through fear to face it head on it? Is that the only way forward? I know fear will never go away, but am I just stuck in a cycle of having to face it over and over again? Or are there things I shouldn't face? Should I not give into things my therapist would label a compulsion like apologizing to my parents for the what if possibility that I did take a laced edible? Is there a balance? Is one wrong and is one right? How do I decipher which fears I have to face head on and which fears I have to keep inside me? Do I live a life where I am congested with fears on a daily basis or one where I am possibly loosely giving into every fearful thought and throw myself into scary situations? I dont know, it seems like I am overthinking. But this question puzzled me.

Relationship OCD

AugustDean

Date posted: 1y

Mmmkay, I hope you're down for reading a long text. It is a common fear for people with OCD or a couple other diagnosis to have this generalized fear of what your friends feel about you. In short for that, if they do feel distant from you or are upset with you, it's good to understand what's going on and why, so it would be good to talk to them personally but I completely understand not wanting to because of feelings like a burden or etc. At the end of the day though, if they aren't going to communicate with you how they should or if they're just leaving you out or it feels like they don't like you, unfortunately, they may just not be the right crowd. It's hard to cut off friends but you honestly may have to if things aren't working out. Best thing to do first though, really is to try to communicate. That is the most important factor in any relationship. Tell them your concerns and tell them how you feel. I know you may not want to hear that, but that really is the best advice that can be given for that. You shouldn't have to apologize to your parents if an edible was laced. For one, that's concerning. That's not your fault. That was out of your control. If your parents don't make you feel safe in a way that you're scared to tell them something that was dangerous, harmful, or scary, they have failed you. They need to be your comfort system for you to be able to rely on and it's not okay if they've broken that trust with you. Fear is terrifying. Life has constant struggles that are exhausting and stressful. Fear hurts sometimes. Fear is so so exhausting, especially when you're constantly living in it. You shouldn't have to face it head on all the time. It's good to have people who can help you through it but if it's a constant, there is something else that needs to be done. Yes, fear is a common feeling. It is experienced a lot in the world, but for anyone to feel it almost if not every day, there is something that needs to change. Your living style, the people you surround yourself with, habits, hobbies, where you're staying, meds, therapy, all the above, or something else. But most importantly, you should never ever have to keep any fear inside. You should have reliable recourses to confront your fears to or reliable coping skills to manage them when you're alone. It is okay to be scared but you should never have to do it alone. You sound like a strong person and I'm really sorry you're going through this, but please, do whatever you can to make sure you do not feel alone or like you can't talk to anyone. Don't allow yourself to feel like you need to keep these things tucked away from the people you can trust. It's understandable that you're thinking about these things and it's good to reach out. You did an amazing thing by reaching out with this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Thank you this means a lot

AugustDean

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Of course. Anything that helps

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 18w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

ocdonedidily1

Date posted: 18w

Perfectionism OCD and rumination

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 16w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

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I don't understand how to be afraid

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