Sometimes I worry that I seem / act gay... if that makes sense? I mean, you can’t exactly ACT like a sexual orientation, but I worry I come across as though I am less feminine or something. And then I worry that the only thing stopping me from coming out is the fear that my friends would think I liked them. And then TOCD also ties into it by saying I’m not girly enough. Argjkdjhdhdhfhfhch. I do think that the way I come across massively links into my self confidence though. I’ve always thought that if I had an amazing body and all that, I’d act like more like myself because I’d be confident and happy. And if I became a girly girl, I wouldn’t mind being bi or something because my friends wouldn’t think I liked them. So if I were more confident, I’d be less reserved and shy and therefore I’d seem a different way. Ahhhh this sounds so dumb! I don’t really know what I’m even saying anymore...

Like, I know this sounds so... odd? mean? stupid? But I feel like pretty girls that act in a more feminine manner wouldn’t have friends that wondered if they liked them. So because I’m not massively girly, I worry they DO think I could like them, or they DO think I could be gay. All because of my lack of self confidence? But maybe I’m just making up that excuse. Ahdjfhdhdjshdjdhdhd I’m scared.

And what if I’m just in the closet right now, solely because I fear what people will think?

I can agree with you especially in terms of feeling like I'm in denial because of what people think. I also dont act in a girly-girl way.

Like if I’m trying to accept the possibility of me being gay, I’d hope that I’d be the ‘girl’ in the relationship. But when I think about it, I wouldn’t be. I hate it.

I would hope they would respect the way you identify, whatever it is, including straight. but it might help to have some support IRL in saying you are worried about how others see you.

When things are a secret they get a lot more powerful.

I hope none of this sounds rude! Oh god

Yeah :(( I just feel like I’d be more ‘okay’ with it it I WERE girlier.

I relate!! Like it’s really specific but also a lot of my same worries! Like if I was super pretty then it’d be okay but then my tocd kicks in saying I wouldn’t want to be and it sucks

I'm extremely feminine and in a long term lesbian relationship, and trust me when I say you can change your mind about your gender presentation and your sexual orientation as many times as you need to throughout your life. Other people wont always understand it, but other people dont always understand each other anyway!

It often seems like you have to "pick" something, but there isnt a right or wrong answer

You’re right. There is not right or wrong! I just think in such a black and white kinda way. For example, I could never see myself being one of those girls who are like jokingly flirty with their girl friends, because I’d fear that that’d mean I’m not straight. Or that other people would think I’m gay. I’m insecure within my sexual orientation because I doubt it so much, and fear others perception. But I guess like you said, other people won’t always understand. It’s just hard.

And I’ve always felt anxious when complimenting other girls’ boobs and stuff, because I fear I look like I’m attracted to them. I guess I’m just not the kind of girl to be like that, so if I were to, they could think I’m gay!!

Well, I am gay and I often compliment other women who do know I'm gay, and neither of us thinks it means anything! If you know you're not gay then no one else gets to say otherwise. Just like I would never accept someone who said I just need to meet the right man to know I'm not really gay.

OCD makes you doubt everything and sexual orientation is fluid so it's easy to doubt. But ultimately other people dont get a say in what you decide is right for yourself... even if you aren't totally sure it is right.

Thank you for that :)

I guess it links it with personality too. If I was confident and feminine, I honestly think I’d be less worried about this. I don’t know why. It’s dumb

I think gender roles are tough and challenging and it isnt surprising to feel insecure. When my OCD fixates on something it usually means I am avoiding something that really bothers me, and the irrational thing is easier to be upset by.

Ueah. I just worry I could actually gay, and I don’t want people to know, and THAT’S where the insecurity comes from. I’ve always been so scared to seek gay infront of my friends, even before hocd. I hate this

There’s so many grammatically errors there arghshsgs

Gramatical*****

Hahaha happens to all of us! Do you have any friends who have actually come out? Talking to them about it might help. And I think recognizing when the doubt comes from your OCD and when it has a more legitimate reason would be a good first step too. Awareness of when thoughts are compulsive is really helpful

Hmmm I do... but I’d just be so scared to ask. I worry it’d seem like I’m asking for advice because I am infact gay. I just worry people could already think I am, and that would I clarify it, ya know? I love being girly, but now I worry I’m just not girl enough. I miss being certain about myself

You’re right. Ahhhh I’m just scared hahah. I know I would be accepted, because there’s nothing wrong with being gay. It’s just not me! I think. And I want people to see me for me. I feel like I’m lying to myself by even saying this.

Sometimes you have to keep saying it until you believe it. :) after all that's how the negative doubts work right? You think them so often it might be true?

Yeah :(( I know I like guys and have my whole life. I don’t know if I’ve ever liked a girl... I don’t think I have. The most I could possibly be is bi. I just worry I have a personality which makes me seem as though my sexuality is different. But as long as I know in my heart what I want, it shouldn’t matter what other people may think!