Childhood experiences/experimentation?

I wad wondering if anyone else worries about things in their childhood that could indicate that they are gay/a different sexaul orientation and latches onto these thoughts. As a kid from around the age of 5-7 (maybe) I remember having a friend (let's call her x). Now i have no idea how this started but I think we started pretending that I was going to be boy and that we would get married or something? We would pretend to be a couple and say that we would get married or something in the future. I really can't remember to well but I think this is how it went. It went on for while, I think i gave myself a new name and everything. Now, x left my school not long after and after that I never continued this "being a boy and we would be together" pretend thing. I just went back to being normal me. I've never been attracted to girls, only guys, before and after this situation. I also don't think i enjoyed saying that I was going to be a boy because I always liked girly things and i think I was just doing to keep x as my friend. I also had a "boyfriend" around this time maybe before this. I remember some boys at school calling us lesbians and I didnt know what that meant at the time but I didn't like it, neither did my friend, this memory is extremely triggering. I dont even think I knew fully what marriage was at the time. What triggers me is that people say that young kids know about their sexuality at a very young age, so I'm worried. I really don't think I was actually attracted to her in any way, but what if im in denial. Is childhood experimentation and experiences like this normal, does it indicate sexuality?

Sexual Orientation OCD

MrBobaBear

Date posted: 1y

Hi Emily! First of all, I do not think you were "experimenting". You were a child playing, using your imagination. That is what children do. Playing house with the same gender at a young age does not signify anything. Considering you were attracted to boys then and are attracted to boys now, I think it is fair to assume that you are straight. Not to mention, experimentation in general is very normal and in no way shape or form reflects on your sexual preferences. It is simply a way of gauging what you like. Again, in this case, you were just a child playing. I think that having other children regurgitate new terminology they learned at home made you question yourself and thus caused you to perseverate on a memory that feels specific to you. These thoughts and worries will eventually subside, but right now you must dwell within the uncertainty. You have got this! I an rooting for you:) MrBobaBear

Emi_ly12

Date posted: 1y

Thanks a lot, I just keep having thoughts that keep saying things like "but what if you did like her and you can't remember". Having a poor memory + ocd is a horrible mix. I appreciate your comment though.

MrBobaBear

Date posted: 1y

@Emi_ly12 Well whatever you DID feel at such a young age does not define or solidify your sexual orientation now. That "what if" is completely baseless and holds no weight. Please reach out if you ever need to talk!:) You have got this!!

Emi_ly12

Date posted: 1y

@MrBobaBear I really needed to hear this, thank you.

MrBobaBear

Date posted: 1y

@Emi_ly12 Of course! Any time:))

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

HOCD - Crushes?

As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

Has anyone dealt with this before?

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Childhood experiences/experimentation?

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