hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y
EsosaEsosa
- Date posted
- 5y
Why can’t you have that life? What would happen if your life and pursuit of happiness went on a different path? I know how you feel and it’s very difficult. But fighting it makes it worse. You have to accept it by not accepting that the thought is true or means something, but just accept that the thought is there.
scaredbunnyscaredbunny
- Date posted
- 5y
That is me during most part of this year. I get you. I was so waiting for clearance to go and live and clearance never came ? At some point I got so angry at this that I’ve decided to have all I wanted to have even though I still have HOCD. And it works out for the most part! I still don’t feel confident in my sex life, but all the rest is more or less normal,and not only is this ‘allowed’, but it actually helps to feel less broken
GummyDropGummyDrop
- Date posted
- 5y
HOCD is the worst I’ve experienced never really felt real happiness after HOCD hit me, we can talk if you want
hocdgirlsummerhocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y
I appreciate are your comments! Its just that i am living that live i am living the life i would live even if i didnr have hocd. But im not enjoying it for 1 sec. By the life i would have without hocd i mean that i would actually LIVE this life instead of feeling no joy or excitement or sprak but only numbness, sadness and anxiety. Its like my life without hocd wouldve been the same but i wouldve lived it in another mindstate and thats what makes it good. I just wish i could live this life like the old me the girl who was alive and just not even knew what hocd was and just had normal problems u kno. Hocd didnt only took my attraction it tool everythinf. My dreams my passions my hapiness my joy. So there is litteraly nothin i want. I dont dream anymore.my mind is poisoned with this thing and even tho the anxiety is gone a lot im so dead inside. All my dreams are killed its just that when i think of my dreams they dontt spark anymore. They dont excite me anymore. All bevause im a completely different person now and its not the real me. And this person i am now cant feel the dreams its like i cant feel anything. There is one single thing i want and that is recovery. Litterly the only thing i want. From there i can maybe have dreams again. My dream is to have a dream u know i want to feel that feeling of wanting something again. I want that feeling where u get happy about dreaming something and sometbing u can live for. Its so complicated but u gotta undersyand that this killed everything inside me that was happy or passionate. I live this life now but i dont truly live it. I get it if u dont jnderstand me but its just that i dont have anything i want even if it has nothing to do with hcod. Its like hocd made everything anxious and seem boring purely because my identty isnt the same. I want to expierence my dream as the person i was before not like the person i am now bevaus ei wont be able to enjoy it for a singe second and i just want to genuine enjoy things. Im sorry for the long message lol im trying so hard to explain how i feel but its so hard
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nataliebug
- Date posted
- 14w
college and feeling left out
im seeing everyone getting accepted by their colleges and im having a really hard time not comparing myself. I feel like my pure ocd has taken up my life and I wish my mind let me believe that I could work hard enough for these universities that I wanted to apply to. I feel so much embarrassment and shame in myself for having to stay in my hometown while everyone goes away to college. I can’t blame everything on my ocd, im still having a hard time accepting that I have it, I just wish I was better
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 14w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 14w
Hocd is literally a clown in my head.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
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