I hate that im missing out on the life i wouldve had if i didnt had hocd

Why can’t you have that life? What would happen if your life and pursuit of happiness went on a different path? I know how you feel and it’s very difficult. But fighting it makes it worse. You have to accept it by not accepting that the thought is true or means something, but just accept that the thought is there.

That is me during most part of this year. I get you. I was so waiting for clearance to go and live and clearance never came ? At some point I got so angry at this that I’ve decided to have all I wanted to have even though I still have HOCD. And it works out for the most part! I still don’t feel confident in my sex life, but all the rest is more or less normal,and not only is this ‘allowed’, but it actually helps to feel less broken

I appreciate are your comments! Its just that i am living that live i am living the life i would live even if i didnr have hocd. But im not enjoying it for 1 sec. By the life i would have without hocd i mean that i would actually LIVE this life instead of feeling no joy or excitement or sprak but only numbness, sadness and anxiety. Its like my life without hocd wouldve been the same but i wouldve lived it in another mindstate and thats what makes it good. I just wish i could live this life like the old me the girl who was alive and just not even knew what hocd was and just had normal problems u kno. Hocd didnt only took my attraction it tool everythinf. My dreams my passions my hapiness my joy. So there is litteraly nothin i want. I dont dream anymore.my mind is poisoned with this thing and even tho the anxiety is gone a lot im so dead inside. All my dreams are killed its just that when i think of my dreams they dontt spark anymore. They dont excite me anymore. All bevause im a completely different person now and its not the real me. And this person i am now cant feel the dreams its like i cant feel anything. There is one single thing i want and that is recovery. Litterly the only thing i want. From there i can maybe have dreams again. My dream is to have a dream u know i want to feel that feeling of wanting something again. I want that feeling where u get happy about dreaming something and sometbing u can live for. Its so complicated but u gotta undersyand that this killed everything inside me that was happy or passionate. I live this life now but i dont truly live it. I get it if u dont jnderstand me but its just that i dont have anything i want even if it has nothing to do with hcod. Its like hocd made everything anxious and seem boring purely because my identty isnt the same. I want to expierence my dream as the person i was before not like the person i am now bevaus ei wont be able to enjoy it for a singe second and i just want to genuine enjoy things. Im sorry for the long message lol im trying so hard to explain how i feel but its so hard