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I also deal with ROCD. I know your guilt must feel intense especially because engagement and marriage are very weighted in society. Just know whatever the outcome is, it doesn’t have to have the weight of permanence. Marriage is a choice and even that doesn’t guarantee it’s a forever thing. I don’t know the details of the assault but it seems that you have a lot of uncertainty surrounding that which is extremely understandable. So many mixed emotions must be present, worry for your partner , worry about them, worry about yourself. Are you comfortable with the details you know about the assault or feel like it might help to ask more questions? It might be helpful to know you more than likely in a triggered state right now and understandably so. Your anxiety is trying to protect you but it might not have all the details.