Harm OCD at its worst

@Emily_C I really appreciate your post. I don’t know where this all came from. It came out of no where. I have intrusive thoughts of me hurting random people or people k love. I never had an evil bone in my body and I’m terrified that I may secretly want to die to these thoughts. I don’t know if I could handle it for 6 months. Do you remember what you did the in the moment when you were having these thoughts?

@Emily_C Or is there anything you didn’t do to help that you wish you did?

@LetLOVEin It’s the worst thing ever isn’t it?

@Sammy.2024 Yes it is because it’s so convincing! 😣

@LetLOVEin It is!! People don’t understand there like “your not a killer your fine” but my brains is like having these impulsive thoughts and visions and I literally get crippling anxiety from it and it makes me convince myself that I want to do them but I don’t you know??

@Sammy.2024 Yep! Completely understand!! Mine was triggered by watching a show and thinking people can actually do this! Now I’m stuck thinking what if I’m like that? I have horrible “just do it” thoughts. 🥴

@LetLOVEin Yeah it’s really awful and our hearts don’t agree with our minds. What are you doing to help yourself?

@Sammy.2024 Mine is directed towards my children so I’m just trying my best not to avoid them. Also, trying to incorporate some self care days. I’ve been trying to think of new phrases to counter the harm thoughts and use humor.

@LetLOVEin Have you done therapy at all? Or any medications? I have scheduled therapy to help but I’m really nervous about talking about it all

@Sammy.2024 Yes, I have therapy twice a week and currently taking Zoloft. ERP is very intimidating some times.

@LetLOVEin Ok that’s very helpful thank you for sharing. Have you found it to help a lot or a little? Are you able to like have fun and enjoy life still even with the dark thoughts?

@Sammy.2024 I would say the therapy has helped a lot. It pushed me to not avoid my kids anymore. It’s still a struggle sometimes to be present. The dark thoughts still come like every day and it does hinder me some days. I’m still adjusting to the meds though.

@LetLOVEin Okay that makes sense. Thanks for sharing. How long does the medication tend the take in order to fully adjust?

@Sammy.2024 They say it can take up to 6-12 weeks but the side effects are supposed to subside after 2 weeks

@LetLOVEin Are your side effects bad?

@Sammy.2024 They are pretty rough. I had an increase in anxiety and panic attacks. I also felt like my thoughts got worse when I started and during dose adjustments.

@LetLOVEin Mine is about my kids too. It’s the worse to the point of lose weight and cry all day about it. I’ve had 2 episodes in the pass 2 years

@Anonymous Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry you have to live through this hell too. I’m here to talk if you ever need to. I’ve realized that’s it’s pretty hard to find others that have the same thing. Let me know if you want to connect! ❤️