I am hopeless

The other day I was with my mom and I had these intense urge to do this horrible thought, and a knife was in the table and I grabbed it but I grabbed it knowing that I know I was not capable of doing it and I put in the sink, I had to grab it in order for me to stop the “urge” that I was having. I love this women with all my life she’s been my inspiration to keep going forward, but ocd is telling me that I grabbed the knife because I actually wanted to do it. I don’t know if what I did was ok or not, or if I’m actually dangerous.

Harm OCD

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

It's the OCD doing it to you. I had it with my cat that passed and I was devastated that he passed away so I knew I loved him. I think the OCD is making you feel this way. It can really play tricks on your mind and have you feeling that you want to do something that goes against all your morals. Sorry you are suffering so. I feel for you and just know you aren't alone in this

Username: Sammy.2024Sammy.2024

Date posted: 17w ago

I can relate to this beyond measure. I had a similar experience with my husband and coming very close to giving in to the intrusive thought but my being didn’t want to even thought my brain was telling me too and I always fear sometimes that’s it’s not OCD and that I actually want to do these things even though I tell myself “I love them I would never what is happening?!” And that’s why I’m starting therapy. To help understand what I have and how to make my brain know I love him and would never want to hurt him. I know if something ever happened to him I would shatter but yet my brain makes me think I want to hurt him. Sometimes I hate my brain beyond measure

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

I agree with you...I hate my brain which makes me hate myself. This is unbearable

Username: Sammy.2024Sammy.2024

Date posted: 17w ago

@Speckles I know and I understand. It’s been really hard and my anxiety has been through the roof. Even on good days where I feel like I’m ok there’s still tht voice in my head saying “but you almost did this and you were thinking this” and I hated it

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

@Sammy.2024 I know...I feel the same way. These disgusting images have ruined my life. I'm so depressed about it. I feel like a psycho! Not sure if you feel the same way, but this is hell

Username: Ocdsucks56Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 17w ago

@Speckles When I get the images and thoughts I feel like a monster and that I want to do them like a I just changed from being a kind person to a monster, how is that possible?

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

@Ocdsucks56 Me too. I feel like a horrible monster. I'm trying to do ERP, but it's making me feel worse. You aren't a monster tho... it's all the OCD. It's such a mind blowing disease bc it goes against the things you value. It doesn't play fair!! I don't know if you feel this way, but it has debilitated me. I can't do things anymore. It's hard to even shower.... it sucks. My hygiene has gone down the drain bc of it

Username: Ocdsucks56Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 17w ago

@Speckles Yes, I hope we recover from this soon, we got this.

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

@Ocdsucks56 I'm doing ERP therapy, but it's so difficult. I feel like it's making me worse

Username: Bicebolje

Date posted: 2y ago

OCD or real desire?

Hi, I have been struggling with OCD for 7 months now. First there were incestuous thoughts related to the mother. I was very bad for two months, I couldn't sleep and I had severe depression. I went to a psychiatrist and started therapy. After two weeks it was as if I woke up from a nightmare. All the obsessive thoughts stopped, the anxiety stopped and I was back to my new life again. I found a girlfriend and it was great. After about 3 months, the thoughts came back again, this time about my girlfriend. I started to wonder if I loved her, if I would be better off with someone else. And that stopped over time. A few days ago I went to the kitchen and saw a knife. I suddenly got scared and thought what if I hurt my girlfriend. I constantly analyzed that thought and asked myself if I could do it, if I wanted to. And it got to the point that I convinced myself that I wanted to hurt her and that I was just lying that I didn't want to. I became very anxious and scared again. My girlfriend has known about my problem from the beginning and is a great support. She even gave me a knife and told me to sit next to her. Of course I didn't do anything, I just threw the knife away and started crying and hugging her. But in my mind I still want to do something bad. Can OCD convince you that you want something, even though deep down I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want everything to be like before and to have a normal life without obsessive thoughts. I really love my girlfriend and I want to have a family with her. Can OCD cause false desire and will it ever stop. I heard that ERP is the best way to fight OCD. How can I do ERP alone without a therapist. I am really afraid that I will hurt someone and become a murderer. Thank you for reading this and I send many greetings and I hope you are well.

Username: 𓆏Finn𓃹

Date posted: 1y ago

I want to hurt my mom

So my mom wasn't/isn't the best mom in the world and she hevaly traumatized me. My parents are devorsed and I go to my mom's house every other weekend, now I haven't been diagnosed with ocd yet (I have a diagnosis app on the 11th) so I don't have any meds for it, anyway, I keep having these thoughts of harming my mother in extream ways, and I made the decision that I can't go to her house until we figure out what's going on with me for her own safety, I can't get any of these thoughts to go away and ik really scared

Username: kyles

Date posted: 1y ago

Harm OCD?

Yesterday I was sitting on my couch with my son enjoying time and suddenly my mind goes “what if you just killed him right now” and then I was going back and forth in my mind just do it, you don’t want to do it, what if you do, what would happen…..obviously I have control and didn’t do it but my fingers got all tingly I really was very upset by how real the urge felt. I’ve tried all my coping skills but I feel like a crazy person and can’t stop thinking about it. Any tips?

Harm OCD

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