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I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I honestly think I have POCD. I have been getting a lot of images or thoughts of children lately, like sexually too and it’s been very disturbing. The thoughts have been nonstop. I have three nephews at home and I’m scared that if I look at them for too long or make eye contact, then that means I’m attracted to them. I have been avoiding them for the past few days and when I hung out with my friend the other day, we were talking about our future and it made me feel so anxious and sad and guilty because of these thoughts I’ve been having. I have to keep telling myself that I know I don’t feel attracted to them in any way but then the question pops up, like “are you really sure about that?” I almost committed a few days ago because of it and the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to leave my mom or my sister. I did some self harm too and I have to keep reminding myself that if I really felt that way towards kids, then I wouldn’t be going through this much. I feel so guilty because I’ve broken down in front of my mom and she keeps asking what’s wrong but I feel like I can’t tell her. Yesterday and today though, I feel really out of place because I feel like I can’t feel anything when the thoughts come up and I don’t know if that’s normal. Does that mean I’m actually that kind of person? It genuinely scares me to even think about.

POCD

Username: KumiakumiaKumiakumia

Date posted: 17w ago

We’ve all been in your place, sounds like OCD and it seriously sounds like you’re struggling. I’m so sorry , please don’t leave us. I have the same thoughts too, but it’s not worth it youre not your thoughts, the fact you even feel disgust shows it.

Username: JoshCastana97JoshCastana97

Date posted: 17w ago

As hard it sounds, you just need learn how to handle uncertainty, I said this because I had the same thoughts when I was a teenager and I dealt with it after we looked from help the first time, psychiatrist said that I had panic disorder, then I learned that it wasn't that because I made a research, I learned how to handle this just repeating myself that if I was a bad person or if this was a desire I already do it, then I just ignore the distress and I stopped looking for reassurance, now I'm 27 and I'm back, feeling bad because now I'm dealing with false memories ocd, asking me if I did something wrong many years ago which it's impossible because I was dealing with this at that time but I have such a bad time that I felt the compulsion to confess something that I never did to the police, my girlfriend stopped me and told me that she believes in me and that make me remember that it was just a bad time but I'm still feeling bad and want to kill myself went I cannot deal with the anxiety, It's hard for me because I'm out of USA, in my country they don't care about mental health, but guess what, you are not alone, my best advice, take notes about your feelings, trust in your loving ones, but remember you are the one who can stop this, reassurance just make you feel better for a moment, sound hard but you're not alone, at all and that's a fact.

Username: jelly

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

POCD

Username: lilli

Date posted: 4y ago

i need help, if ANYONE can give me guidance PLEASE. I NEED IT. im a minor, i cannot tell my parents about these intrusive thoughts im having, so i cant get a therapist, nor can i get diagnosed. im scared i am a pedophile. i experienced a groinal feeling a couple days ago when i saw a picture of a little kid. I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS A KID AT FIRST, but i freaked out. i freaked you guys. i even unfollowed the account i saw the picture of the young cchild on. im so scared that i am a pedophile. i cant live like this. what if i am but im i denial? i cant do it. ive experienced something like this before. i had a thought and obsessed about it about it. but i even think back, what if i wasnt obsessing? i was constantly online looking for answer for the thought. i was constantly confessing the thought to my ex (the thoughts were about him) and im just terrified. AND THEN, I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT SAY “you are a p*do and thats okay” BUT I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. I DONT WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT. i just want to be a normal teen. i wanna be worry free. i dont want to be a pedo. i wannt be happy. please any guidance you can give me i need it. does it sound like POCD to the people who have experienced OCD? or am i in denial. i cant live with myself being a pedo.

Username: Karkaree

Date posted: 3y ago

goes I’m going to be brief and very detailed as possible ,I’m 26 female and I don’t know if it’s pocd or the real thing .okay so for starters I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression from as far as I can remember,I’ve dealt with bizarre thoughts in the past ,such as intrusive thoughts.I remember reading something about an high profile person getting caught up in cp and that made me start thinking about should I watch cp?.what is cp?.but I quickly realized that is something I didn’t want. To do and it was wrong .I’ve been watching porn since I was 11.it was normal porn but over the years I started watching different types But I have never watched CP.and don’t want to.i have never looked or touched an child sexually or thought about them in that way.I love kids I’ve always dreamed of being a mother,but sometimes I used to be nervous of the future like would I be a great mom or what if I abuse my child ?.different things .but fast forward when I used to masturbate I always think of celebrities who are 17,18 who are attractive but I never thought it was an problem because I would think it would be fantasy and that I wouldn’t actually do it in real life .and I have been doing this for 2 years now .but I noticed that when I’m near my god kids I start having thoughts like what if I touch him ? Or should I touch him but I always dismiss it and move on and feel bad afterwards because I have never thought about any kids that way.so fast forward a month after I masterbated .I was watching a documentary or something and it triggered me thinking I was an p and I start feeling guilty of all the things I’ve masterbated too and I have thought some stuff I’m not proud of .but it was like it was sudden and I couldn’t sleep And it was like it just kept replaying in my head to the point I started crying and overtime it subsided but I keep having these thoughts convincing myself I’m a p and yesterday I was near my godson and a thought popped in my head saying touch him touch him it was like an urge.but I resisted and I feel so bad because i love kids and now I don’t want to have any and I feel like killing myself I don’t know where these thoughts came from all of a sudden and why I couldn’t fight them off .I came across a photo of a preteen girl and while I was looking at the photo a thought popped in saying picture her in a bra and I immediately got disgusted and scared.I’m just on autopilot I’ve been googling and googling and just don’t know what to think .I’m just tired I’m just on the brink of tears and killing my self because I can’t accept that I’m this way .I’m so scared I don’t even want to leave the house or anything I was fine couple weeks ago now i don’t know who or what I’m doing I don’t have anyone to talk to I’m scared .it seems to be not as intense as it first was a Month ,but it still stays in the back of my mind ,I get urges seems real and want Me to do things I’m fighting,and it seems like my attraction to normal ppl have faded I’m having dreams about this situation,it seems I have arousal and when I have these thoughts I just want to cry because I don’t know how I got to this point.every time I see an photo of a kid I get an feeling in my stomach and I kinda get sick and my heart starts to race ,I keep googling signs of a p and now it seems I have moved on too teens I’m just to The point where I want to kill Myself,I don’t know what to do any more,I love children I’ve always wanted an family of my own but now not anymore.I’m stressed out and it seems to be all I think about is that I’m a p ,I can’t wake up Without worrying about ,it’s from The time I go to sleep to The time I wake up,I don’t know

POCD

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