So I have this new thought that is “I have to do what my ocd is saying to do (which involves my kids)for these thoughts to go away”. Is this remotely normal for harm ocd? I feel so disgusting for even having this cross my mind. I feel like such a horrible mother. 😭
Yes I think it is. I had this suddenly occur to me “what if I give in to my intrusive thoughts to make them go away”. It was horrific and terrifying but I talked to my therapist and we did erp involving this and I really don’t worry about that so much now. Re ocd involving your kids, oh my goodness I feel so much for you, it is just so horrible. I promise you’re not a horrible mother and you’re also not alone in this. OCD latches onto what you value and love the most and it causes you the most pain it can. Facing your fears with this theme is so very hard but actually not feeding the ocd is what makes it better. Take care.
I also think this thought develops as a result of thinking that the obsessions are unbearable (because they’re so horrible and shame filled) not because you want to do anything. And so trying to learn to sit with the obsessions and feelings rather than resisting them actually lessens the thought of doing something to ‘make the thoughts go away’ if that makes sense?
I think I unfortunately kind of have this same thing in a different way?? Like I don’t so much get sentences but it feels like it’s something that’s just there, that I am going to do or have to do, and I find myself arguing with myself why it goes against everything I am. Yet I feel kind of numb yet so disgusted. I feel you and I feel for you. For me it went for my dog, who is like my child (I can’t have human children and she’s literally my everything) and it feels like I would do these awful things or have to. And like I don’t care. It’s the worst.
@Ellasmama Yes! It’s that same exact thing! I absolutely hate it because I know it doesn’t align with any of my values.
@LetLOVEin Yep, same…and yet it feels like it somehow wouldn’t bother you to do or you will do it? Thats where I’m at. And anything I hear/see it puts on her. Plus my own nonsensical brain chatter creating its own horrible scenarios. It’s awful. I also get this weird feeling in my body like I would do these things but I know it goes against anything I’d ever want to. Yet it feels like there’s no other option. I’m still so scared I will.
@Ellasmama Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry you’re having to live with these feelings too. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. If you ever need to talk I’m here. I feel like it’s good to have support from others that are going through similar things. ❤️
@LetLOVEin It absolutely is. I would love to chat if you ever want to. ❤️ It’s hard because I stay out of a lot of support groups and such because I’m like…trying to not use them for reassurance, so…I feel very alone. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through it too. Why did it have to target the things we loved the most??? 🥹
@Ellasmama Right. It’s so aggravating that it goes after the things we love the most and makes us feel like we are monsters. 🥴 do you have snap chat or something else?
@LetLOVEin Agreed - that’s the hardest part. My little girl has been my entire world for so long. I dont understand what happened. 🥹 I don’t have snap - I have insta and telegram!!! Do you have either?
So normal for harm ocd I get thoughts like that too you don’t need to feel ashamed
I have severe OCD and I experience all different types of intrusive thoughts and compulsions I fucking hate it! But one thing I struggle with the most is POCD! It makes me violently sick and disturbed but I know it’s not me and I know it’s not true but then why do I feel so disgusting? I have two children, one 5 and the other is 1, I don’t want to change my daughters nappys I don’t want to get her dressed (of course I do because I don’t have a choice) but it triggers me so bad and gets me in a state, I don’t know how to get over this I’ve had this certain thought for over six weeks and I can’t do it anymore, I’m so distressed they deserve better, why can’t I just be a normal person, I’ve actually thought about giving them up over these thoughts it’s breaking me and it’s breaking my heart, I actually can’t try beat this anymore.
Hi - I’m a Mom of 3 with Harm OCD. I’ve had OCD for a long time since I was a teen, prior to kids. It’s been harm/sexual orientation, etc. pretty much every theme at some point. My harm OCD got set off so badly by the Lindsay Clancy case back in January. It seemed to settle down for awhile and now is so bad again. I question if it’s even OCD at this point or if I’m actually an awful person wanting to do these things. I’m really struggling. The thoughts feel like urges and it’s all day long. I think of the case everyday wondering and trying to figure out if it was OCD that she had that turned into her losing control and feel sick to my stomach then panic that will be me. Any other Mom’s out there dealing with similar issues? Thank you.🤍
Lately my ocd is latching onto my children. In my opinion, for me, this is the most painful and most debilitating theme of ocd. My daughter asked me to help her wash and rinse the shampoo from her hair while she was in the shower because she has thick hair and sometimes she has trouble shampooing and rinsing it all out. A normal, common task for me. At some point I caught a glimpse of her private area and my ocd immediately tried to make me believe I looked intentionally. I know I didn’t and I know I do not think of her or any child in that way but now my ocd has me questioning myself. I was just doing what I always do so I don’t remember at what point I saw it. Was I reaching for and looking down for the shampoo when I saw it or was I reaching up to her hair and saw it as I looked up? Did I look due to just normal human tendency to look where we know we’re not supposed to and if that’s the case does that make me horrible? I’m driving myself insane trying to prove I do NOT feel or think that way about her. I don’t want to live if this is how my brain works. Ocd is evil and this is the hardest kind of intrusive thought to get past. 😩
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