- Date posted
- 51w
Ditching labels
Hey guys. I’ve come to realise that a big barrier to accepting uncertainty about my orientation is being obsessed with “having a label”. That I MUST have a label. That, if I don’t, it means I’m in denial about something, or, I’m running away from the “truth” or whatever. I realise that I feel way less pressure when applying the “not labelling” technique, and just experiencing anything. It seems that my obsession with labels feels the same as when I was obsessed with the number on the scale (with anorexia). And that, if I didn’t know, it meant I was in denial of my weight, or that, it is required to know. Now that I have been in recovery for anorexia, and have practically recovered, I just don’t care what weight I am. As long as I am happy. Yes I prefer to be “slim” but that doesn’t mean that I HAVE to know if my weight is in a specific category. And also, that weight doesn’t define self worth, or happiness, or your entire health. When I was obsessed with the number on the scale, I felt as though everyone else was like that too, making me feel double required to know and be a certain weight, and ALWAYS be that way. Now, as I don’t care myself, and don’t know what I weigh, and that I just go off how I feel, I realise that literally know one cares themself. Or not to some unhealthy extent. And now I feel content in who I am, without having a number, aswell as zero pressure to fit into a box, because literally, know one cares. It’s just unnecessary, made up hassle that I believed was necessary. So I think that’s what’s going on with the label thing with orientation. Yes, it can be useful to quickly sum up your preferences, but, for us with hocd/so-ocd, it will only be used as a “certainty” that we must have. A requirement, an unhealthy tag. It doesn’t matter what I identify as now, I will just obsess anyway. Gay, bi, straight, asexual, etc. I will just use it as a box. A requirement that apparently “everyone else cares about and “knows more about than me””. The truth is, no one is walking around caring what “box” they fit into, they just experience their friggin atttactions, whatever they are. Our friends, our parents, our siblings, celebrities, whoever. Maybe some of us with hocd/soocd don’t care about labels, but for me, it’s a huge barrier and a huge “MUST”, and by getting rid of the must and just forgetting labels “whether that means I’m in denial or not” is far healthier, more useful, and causes no pressure to “be sure” and “know” and to “fit into a box”. I mean, think about why we were so “sure of ourselves” before hocd/soocd, we didn’t really CARE about the label anyway. We just experienced our attractions and, if “needed” use the best word to describe them. It wasn’t a daily, MUST. So, relieving that pressure, will help us to experience our normal selves again. And it feels good to me. It feels better than reading up on all different labels. Even if they may resonate in some way (possibly). I just obsess. And it’s unhealthy. Labels should be used healthily. And I am in no position to be looking at labels, like others with this disorder. Just like when I had anorexia, I was constantly weighing myself for over a year, and did I stop caring? No. I only stopped caring once I actually stopped caring and forgot about the number. It makes you live so much better. As I do now. My relationship with weight is literally perfect. No fear, no care, no urgency. I feel happy in regards to food, weight and size. Because I let go. Now, the anorexia treatment obviously was with a professional, and I haven’t got ocd treatment. But if I can stay as true to the post as I can, maybe that will relive a lot of issues, and maybe some of yours. Thank you for reading!! Hopefully this helps!! X