- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you :) I went through CBT 2 years ago (had diferent obsession then) and I’m trying to apply tehniques learned there to this obsession but it’s kinda hard when what dad’s going through makes everything seem even more real. Btw. His lymphoma was discovered in an early stage and doctor said that it’s highly curable (he said that their success rate is at 95%) but the whole thing is pretty hard on everyone. I am planning on seeing a therapist soon.
- Date posted
- 5y
First off, I’m so sorry about your dad. I had literally the exact same compulsion and obsession recently. I had a swollen node under my chin that did not go away for over two months. It came out of the blue with no signs of infection or illness. I had an ultrasound on it and it verified it was a mildly swollen node. I requested a biopsy which was denied simply because with lymphoma the nodes do not decrease in size, they dramatically increase overtime. As far as a genetic link in the disease, from my research there is none. Try and stop touching the node, that can prevent it from shrinking. My doctor said that mine will probably never go away and will mildly fluctuate in size. Essentially it’s scar tissue. No googling— it will only make matters so much worse. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, consider it. Especially with what you’re going through with your dad. I’m really sorry, again.
- Date posted
- 5y
I had a enlarged lymph node in front of my ear for ages, was painless and all. For about a month or two I was in absolute agony thinking it’s something bad. I went privately to an oncologist and he not only discovered several more nodes but also said it is nothing to worry about and usually stays after some serious infection for example, or recent infection will do it as well. The node is still there and it’s been a year, and I went for a checkup and again it was nothing, only one of the nodes went down a lil tiny bit. So yeah, there are so many different reasons for the lymph nodes including hormonal issues as well and stress. Filling your life with good things and activities will help ❤️ if you do obsess try engaging in something else. If you say to someone don’t think about blue, they will think about blue. The only thing they can do to stop is think about red ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Girl, I’m kind of happy, I found your post! My dad was diagnosed with Gliomatosis Cerebri (brain cancer) 3 months ago...Since then my hypochondria is all over the place too...Not only I was in fear to have his illness as well, my nodes were also swollen, my doctor said it might be because of my wisdom teeth. As the girl above me already said, if you’d have a lymphoma they would be really big, you even could see them without trying. Maybe it might help you to make blood tests every month (I do). I hope we can get in contact, because of our similar stories. Good luck with everything and best wishes to you father!
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- Date posted
- 23w
Hi! Just got this app. I don't have an OCD diagnosis, but I have some traits, such as a constant obsession over a topic that causes me distress. Like, fears. It's been pedophilia, racism, global warming, death, secrets I've kept, suicide... Basically everything I don't like the idea of. Now, it's the obsession of my dad passing away. I've come to the realization that if my dad died right now - I'd have to move in with my mom, 2,000 miles away from home. Not only would I lose my district scholarship, which would ruin my plans of going to college, but the room at my mom's house would not be big enough to house all of my belongings, so I'd have to get rid of most my stuff. All of my dad's belongings (books, video games, clothes) wouldn't fit either. Not that my mom would be pleased with me showing up with all of my dad's stuff (they're divorced and not on speaking terms.) I try to counteract these thoughts with things like "dad is not under an active threat" or "even if dad died, I'd figure it out." But I'm still plagued with little jabs from my brain about it. Yesterday, my dad expressed his excitement for this year. He's gotten a new job, we're making more money, we're happy - having the last few years be ruined by my mom running away and other fun things along those lines; we deserve to be excited about this new opportunity. But then he said: "I think this year is gonna be our year." As his daughter, I should be thinking "yeah!" or "right on!", but the only thing that came to my mind was in season 4 of Stranger Things when Eddie Munson says "It's my year, '86, baby!" Before getting eaten by demobats in the upside down. This morning, while driving to school, my dad expressed his happiness about the VaultBoy bobblehead on the dash standing up (there's a magnet on the dashboard that helps him stand, and in our old car, it always fell over.) I just said normal things like "yeah, that's cool, I'm glad." But my mind told me "if dad died right now, would you have time to grab the bobblehead to keep to remember him?" which led to "if dad died right now, would you have time to say goodbye?" I try to push the thoughts away because I tell myself I'm gonna jinx it, and thinking about it manifests it. I try journaling and justifying why none of this would happen, but the thing is; if my dad died, I really would have to move in with my mom, wether I like it or not. I would lose my scholarship, wether I like it or not. Another thought process I have is: "I'd never expect it if my dad died, because in all the stories, it happens when you least expect it." It's like I'm playing a game with my brain, just waiting for the timing of circumstances to lead my dad to his death. I think about it - I manifest it, I don't think about it - it's gonna happen because I'm not prepared. How can I cope with this?
- Date posted
- 22w
Hey friends… I am in a really low place regarding my health anxiety. I am absolutely terrified of cancer. Im only 17 years old and im worrying more about health then living my life its very draining. At the moment I have a very chesty cough which has lasted around two weeks and a runny nose and just full sinuses. I woke up from my sleep tonight and woke up completely wet in sweat and itchy. I am terrified in case ive got cancer. I get so so scared It genuinely is not only affecting me but everyone else around me im pulling them down too. 💔 I am UK based and recently got a job and even then its all I can think about. Im crying my eyes out scared ☹️ To anyone else going through this your not alone and its so consuming. ❤️🩹
- Date posted
- 21w
content warning: MRI results I got prescribed MRIs done on my lumbar and cervical spine over the weekend, and several things came back abnormal in the report. I started to google when I saw a word ending in -oma, got a basic definition of this particular kind of t*mor (probably benign/non-cancerous), realized that googling in this case was for sure a compulsion, caught myself and put my phone away. I told myself, "I have an appointment with my specialist in 2 days. I trust this doctor, so I will delay/not do my own reading until after I talk to her, and only if she recommends further self-education." I stuck to it and I was proud of myself. Cut to the appointmet today. I got lost in the building where her office is and arrived 14 mins late. The receptionist said there's a 15 minute grace period, so I would have to reschedule. No availability for 2 MONTHS, even for telehealth. First of all, I am so ashamed of being late (that's another trigger for me), and so hurt and rejected that they wouldn't talk to me, even very briefly. Now the urge to google is so extreme. There are objectively concerning things in my report, based on what she said ahead of time that we were looking for, and what would affect treatment. I also have a LOT of c*ncer in my family history; 3/4 grandparents, an aunt on each side, and 1.5 bio parents (1 was skin c*ncer, 1 was prec*ncerous polyps removed but considered high future risk to be monitored), so "-oma" and "t*mor" are big red flags in my minds. So while normally I am actually pretty good about living and making peace with my chronic conditions, and health ocd is really only like 5 on my hierarchy, I know that I actually do have to be vigilant about c*ncer in some ways. My balanced solution is sticking to recommended observation scheduling, and then entrusting the research and checking to my trusted providers, so that I am not being negligent nor being compulsive. But now what? I hate waiting. Idk if/when I'll hear from her. Chronic pain in those regions due to curvature and degenerative discs are the reasons I have to get MRIs every couple of years, and now I am so somatically, obsessively aware of that pain and wondering what's going on. This post is a vent, and is my choice to express the anxiety without giving into the desire to google. I'm not seeking reassurance on whether I/my test results are going to be ok. Still, I think just some understanding and/or advice on holding myself accountable for not compulsing would be deeply appreciated. Thanks.
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