So, I’m spiralling right now. My dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma 5 months ago. Since then, my anxiety has been all over the place. 2 weeks ago I got a swollen node under my jaw, no other major symptoms. It was movable and painful to the touch. After a week of it not going away, I went to the GP and she said not to worry, it’s probably some kind of an infection, otherwise it wouldn’t be painful and it my throat wouldn’t be red. She gave me antibiotics. Now, I’m almost done with the antibiotics, and I can still feel the node. I think it decreased in size, but I’m really not sure and I keep touching it (it’s a compulsion, I know :( ), but it’s not painful anymore. I’m really anxious and my dad’s diagnosis is just making everything seem more real :( But, at the same time, the rational part of me knows I’m overreacting. Aah, this is so idiotic :(

I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

i had these red spots on my leg and i made the mistake of googling it. now i’m terrified i have leukaemia. i went to the doctors and showed her a picture but i felt like she dismissed it quickly so it didn’t give me peace of mind. now i’m having the worst anxiety ever over it. i can’t focus, i have headaches, my knee has been hurting so much and my muscles feel tense. i know they can also be symptoms of anxiety but im scared it’s cancer and i’ve been failing classes because i can’t stop thinking about it. i constantly check the symptoms of leukaemia online and check if i have them. i’m trying to make another appointment with my doctor but she’s not the most caring doctor so i just feel annoying and crazy.

Here I am once again. I found a small moveable lump under my chin so I ended up going to the ER because i couldn’t wait to get in to a ENT. The Dr just felt it and said it’s a gland. I told her it doesn’t feel like the one on the other side. She did a CBC and said she isn’t worried about it. I can’t get it out of my head that she’s wrong. I have been looking at a Prayer request that went out from a well known radio host and read all the comments of people asking for Prayers due to them or loved ones having cancer. All I want to do is sleep, as soon as I wake up I get the surge of anxiety and panic. I fear death and worry IF there is no afterlife and this makes things 💯 worse. I’m tired