my suicidal ocd has been so high today it feels so real and it scares me so badly because i started ERP and my ocd likes to convince me i’m gonna give up and do but also with it i’m with my grandmas this week and she threw up and she thought she was having a stroke so me and my mom took her to the emergency room and it’s bothering me so badly… hospitals give me anxiety and my suicidal ocd keeps convincing me that i wanna do it :(
Hey!! I wanted to let you know that I’m going through this right now too! If you started therapy here’s a healthy reminder that therapy actually can make our OCD worse for a little bit before it gets better I think because therapy is helping us recognize our compulsions and thoughts a lot
@JBird88 do u have snap!!???
@savannahframe19 Yes!
@savannahframe19 jaebird322
@JBird88 i would love to talk!!
@savannahframe19 Yeah go ahead and add me!
Hey I’m sorry your going through all this. It sounds painful. Your definitely not alone as I can relate. Just wanted to let you know that what ur feeling isn’t abnormal
@natalie m it’s so hard
@savannahframe19 It is hard:/ but ur not alone!!
Hey - going through this too right now. I think it’s a good sign that your body responds with panic and anxiety when the thoughts get loud. Mine do too. Literally has me convinced that it’s something I’m going to do when I’m normally terrified of death when my brain isn’t hijacked by illogical ocd
@wmorris93 i’m so scared of death too but inside my brain has sm “what ifs” and urges that get me so sick and scared i’m currently in ERP rn and it’s so tough but ik i got this but my ocd is making me feel like i’m not gonna make it and thinking im not scared of death
@savannahframe19 Oh I’ve been there too and somewhat there right now. It’s been hard because the past few weeks the only time I find im able to distinguish between myself and ocd is when I take a low dose of Ativan and I can finally think clearer. It’s definitely a bandaid solution. Try to remember that you didn’t feel this way before the thought popped into your head - you had no previous urge before which probably proves it’s OCD
@wmorris93 like i’ve never had suicidal thoughts or anything in the past at all like i’ve always been a happy person i’ve just went through a lot with losing people and getting triggered but i lost my best friend passing away 4 months ago so it’s been tough and i’m 18 my last year of high school trying to make the best of it
@savannahframe19 Totally get that it feels like you’re in limbo. You don’t wanna die but your brain is yelling at you that “what if” or”you should” hurt yourself. Remember that it’s almost an opposite effect - you’re not depressed and want to die, you’re getting depressed because your brain keeps obsessing over SI. Big difference even if it feels real and your brain says “no you’re not”
Comment deleted by user
@wmorris93 right i’ve never been suicidal or anything but ever since i’ve been going through so much i lost my best friend 4 months ago and it was so hard for me i’ve been going through so much and my suicidal ocd is attacking it thinking i’m gonna do it since i’ve been through so much and im a 18 year old that is a senior trying to have fun without any stress
Omg I’m struggling with this theme too and I am so sorry you’re going through this!! It feels so real and scary and definitely makes me cry you are not alone!! I’m definitely still fighting it which doesn’t help but it can feel so hard to accept those thoughts. What’s helped me so far is knowing that every time I’ve had that thought in the past, I survived through it. But it definitely feels so intense and scary. We can never fully know what’s gonna happen which sucks ass but just keep living by your values and the things you love. You got this and I hope your grandma gets better soon!! 🫶
@imsonocd it’s so hard because lit im a happy girl that wants to be successful in life and it’s so hard bc i lost best friend 4 months ago with ocd and anxiety my suicidal ocd likes to attack saying “oh since ur going through a lot u wanna do it”
Omg I have the same exact! Mixed with existential OCD that makes it even worse (trying to find the meaning of life, not finding it, and thinking I must want to end my life) even tho Im like the complete opposite!!! I litteraly called a crisis line today, and they reassured me I am not suicidal .
Its really hard, because it feels so so real when youre in it! But we are the complete opposite. Ocd is just attacking the things we value the most (in that case, our life)
@floriannecr i know it’s so hard
Today is Easter and it was supposed to be low key for me and my family but my mom invited a family member that bothers my ocd alot and now they are on their way here and I'm freaking out I already had a panic attack (still having it) and my family is not helping either they keep making comments about how they just want one holiday with no problems and some other comments and it's like I'm sorry I'm not normal like my siblings I didn't ask to be like this now I'm just hurt, upset and I locked myself in my room for the rest of day. (And I was doing so good with erp and this is like making me have a ocd relapse)
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
so I put this into Gemini a couple mins ago but it just gave me the 988 to text but I feel like I don’t know if these thoughts are genuine or intrusive and just amplified because of how I was feeling. This is what I put in there I’ll just copy and paste. I got talking with my grandma and I felt like I needed to get it out but I just kept thinking deeper and deeper like thoughts like “I can’t do this anymore” or “when will this stop” and I have a lot of suicidal intrusive thoughts and sometimes when I feel in such fear and deep sorrow and dispare these thoughts feel so real that I can’t tell if they’re intrusive. But I immediately push them away of course even though I keep wanting to figure it out or figure out how I can break free from this doubt and second guessing. But it freaked me out that maybe I was actually contemplating or genuinely thinking about it or was close to snapping and giving up. Now I feel like I have to figure out of it was intrusive or not because that’s really serious if it is a real thought. I know it’s apart of ocd to figure it out but I can’t tell if it was my imagination made it seem way more real or when I imagined myself doing something to myself it felt like the probability became higher because I was in a state of severe distress. It’s like a thought when your heart is beating so fast you don’t wish it would stop beating you just want a break from it beating so loud or fast or you want it to get better. Idk I pictured myself just being stuck in my body and it freaked me out too like the fact I cant control what my body is doing. I’ve lost some weight the last couple months bc of stress and it just grosses me out thinking how bad I might be getting. I even started thinking maybe I need to be in a mental hospital. And just admit it and just get more help. The thing is I also felt like I had a decent day today but it took so much out of me trying to resist compulsions and “keeping” the good moment going without extreme fear especially of dying. I get so freaked out by random things even things touching me, certain sounds and wish it could all stop sometimes and I keep running away from things I think are triggers for my anxiety but it feels like it’s getting narrower.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
