Giving up
I’m starting to feel like recovery is not possible. I want to love my boyfriend again. I want to be with him forever. The pain in my chest is becoming unbearable. The headache I have everyday is becoming unbearably exhausting. Losing this relationship will be the biggest regret of my life but I’m also scared that staying will be the biggest regret of my life.
Just work on yourself within the relationship and the OCD lens you are seeing everything through will slowly go away and you can learn to deal with it and enjoy your relationship again. I believe in you!
@OTD I struggle to work on myself
@laurfe7 That’s your problem, he can’t fix you. Do it for him not you.
It’s possible! Don’t give up! God loves you!
I want to love my girlfriend again, and each day I wake up I find the urge to monitor how I feel to see if I love her. But guess what? Before my OCD manifested like this, I never woke up feeling how I feel today. That's how I know it's a lens I don't have control over that's affecting my perception. I'm a dumb meat robot that grew up with a lot of misconceptions of what healthy relationships are/ look like, I also have multiple mental illnesses that like to invite each other along when I'm not well enough to be in the driver's seat of my brain. We need to treat the ocd, saying stuff like "I want to love my girlfriend again" only speaks to the lack of emotion you feel due to what is probably paralyzing levels of anxiety. You're depressed, or run down, and you need to recognize love when you feel like this is just wanting to be around them still. Wanting to fight our OCD for that person, to give ourselves a chance to really enjoy a relationship we know we find important. That's love.
I am feeling super depressed. My new happy romantic relationship turnt so sour and anxiety provoking. I am afraid to break up because I am afraid to lose the happiness and love I thought I had. They say it is bad if you don’t love the person, and you just love the idea of being with that person. It is very bad. And it is very hard for me. Valentine’s Day this week, and I feel absolutely miserable. I feel like I am letting her down because I can’t hold myself together anymore. And I don’t feel confident in our future. I am scared to confront her and break it off. Every time I do, I cave in to the lust and to the fear of being alone and failing again at love
the fear of schizophrenia is absolutely so strong, I want reassurance but I know it doesn’t help. I’m having relationship thoughts, I’m looping on every single thing that goes on in my days I am so lost and I don’t want to live this way anymore. It is so hard. I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending hellacious dream and all I want to do is cry. No one around me understands, I feel like I am crazy and I’ve lost my mind. I’m so tired :/
I feel my heart break when I think of losing my bf, I still feel a small part of me want him but now everything is pointing me just being lesbian. I’m convinced now that I only like being w him because of the male attention😭thinking of being lesbian and being w women doesn’t feel like desire at all like how lesbians describe it, but it feels so real and part of me just wants to give up and break up with him and just give in to this :( I get a lot of anxiety now thinking about being w men and feels like there’s no other way to explain this. I know it’s seeking for reassurance but it feels so hard to bring myself back from this to even say “maybe maybe not”. I just need some advice :(
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